Discussion What do you think people's reactions (IRL) will be when you CTB?

[Walilamdzi]

I hope that it doesn't harm anyone, but obviously the people I was close to will be upset.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

>>>and rather not them misunderstand, misrepresent, misconstrue, nor assume incorrectly as in that I CTB'd due to a singular reason or cause

This is an interesting paradox. I also feel very much the same, in that I obsess over my suicide note and want them not to misunderstand or misconstrue me on purpose or to feel better; all the while I think, why should it matter? I will be dead...

I think I solved this question of why I'm so obsessed about this yesterday: I think it stems from not wanting to make ones existence concrete. To use a metaphor, we are like sculptors—the sculptures we are creating are our lives. So at first, when we are young, when we begin sculpting our lives, no one can predict how good of a work our lives will be, no one knows how it will turn out, and we have a lot of stone to hammer away at. But as we get older, and as the shape of our lives becomes more and more appearant, we run out of material and have to be more careful. We cannot make big changes anymore. Now if what you have created is a bad piece of art, it becomes more and more appearant the more you chip away that you probably will not be able to correct for it anymore, and I think this is where I am at in my life: but as long as I stay in the game, as long as I don't say it is finished, I can delude myself into thinking that it will still turn out alright. I can easily dismiss any criticisms or scrutiny by others, because it still is not finished.

I think death would make my life concrete and definitive, and then it will be left to the scrutiny and judgement by others, like a painting in an art gallery—which is somewhat irrational thinking, because it is already being judged and interpreted by all the people around me. But I feel it is a nice metaphor.

Sorry I have one of my bad vocabulary days today.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Family will probably be devestated, but they will not be surprised so they will be ok. Everyone else? Probably be like, "That's sad" and go on with their lives. My existence doesn't make enough of a difference one way or another to really affect anyone deeply or permanently.

 

[262653]

I think that some will understand and others will make it about themselves. There's also a family friend who said to me that my life doesn't belong to me (but to God). It's unlikely he would appreciate that, but his feelings are none of my concern.

When I'm starting to get concerned about how my living ancestry would feel in response to me committing sudoku, I try to remind myself they they were the ones who gave birth to me, or made a major contribution to it. Ignorance of reasons doesn't exempt from the consequences.

Although I prefer blaming nature instead of parents. There is a conflict of interest, it's a classic problem. I prefer non-exsitence for myself, they prefer existence to me. He wants to have sex with her, she doesn't want to have sex with him. Someone has to step back, right? Or forward... (pardon me, I couldn't resist (hehe))

I know that when I CTB, it is still my decision and there may/not be a catalyst, but most likely there will be one event or reason (in addition to ALL the other existing reasons) that will tip the scales and push me over the edge. Therefore, I would be making it clear in my CTB notes that my decision is still mine alone and that there is NO singular reason or cause for my CTB'ing. What the survivors and recipients make of it is up to them, but I do know that the people in this community who have been around with me will know and understand exactly what I mean and what I say when that time comes.

Thanks for this. I'll be sure to include in my note some of the concerns you mentioned. I'd like to give answers while I'm still alive but I'm not willing to jeopardize my plans for it.

 

[Busdriver]

'Really, he is dead? Doesn't surprise he was always a weirdo and a pussy'

 

[Shinbu]

Im not sure, either they blame someone, or blame me for not wanting that help that society wants for the suicidal, or they accept why I did it without any drama.

 

[262653]

@a.n.kirillov
I think that is a nice analogy, and well-written, although I probably don't share your vocabulary standards.

 

[262653]

the sculptures we are creating are our lives

I find that really triggering because it makes me entertain the idea that I'm responsible for a mediocre sculpture, which sounds kind of true, since we are the ones who have to live with our lives, regardless of whether we... choose it freely. Alright probably shouldn't venture any further because it would be a word mess. But I'm going to anyway.

Are we choosing how much material we have? Why are we identifying ourselves as sculptures? How can a choice be made without necessity? Sculptures are also being created and shaped. Puppets playing puppets. But there's probably a benefit in believing that we are self-driven things. Not because it makes us feel free, but because it can makes some of us feel bad enough to be compelled to change, to strive for a better condition, which could be a better sculpture. Self-deception can bring us a lot of boons (if we're lucky enough) and I wouldn't be surprised if it's mandatory for a good human life.

Strange. Even though I don't believe I have more (or less) control in shaping my sculpture than anyone's else, I do care about it more. Feel free to attack or ignore anything I've said. This isn't a command, of course. I'm merely saying that I'm alright with any of those courses of action.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I find that really triggering because it makes me entertain the idea that I'm responsible for a mediocre sculpture, which sounds kind of true, since we are the ones who have to live with our lives, regardless of whether we... choose it freely. Alright probably shouldn't venture any further because it would be a word mess. But I'm going to anyway.

Are we choosing how much material we have? Why are we identifying ourselves as sculptures? How can a choice be made without necessity? Sculptures are also being created and shaped. Puppets playing puppets. But there's probably a benefit in believing that we are self-driven things. Not because it makes us feel free, but because it can makes some of us feel bad enough to be compelled to change, to strive for a better condition, which could be a better sculpture. Self-deception can bring us a lot of boons (if we're lucky enough) and I wouldn't be surprised if it's mandatory for a good human life.

Strange. Even though I don't believe I have more (or less) control in shaping my sculpture than anyone's else, I do care about it more. Feel free to attack or ignore anything I've said. This isn't a command, of course. I'm merely saying that I'm alright with any of those courses of action.

Mh I think taking this metaphor too far doesn't really work. I also don't believe in free will, whatever that is even supposed to mean aside from randomness. So that's not what I wanted it to mean. But in a way, people judge you, and we judge others and ourselves that way; as if we were creating ourselves and responsible for how our lives turned out, and to a certain extent we have to live in this illusion.

>>>Not because it makes us feel free, but because it can makes some of us feel bad enough to be compelled to change,

Right, you have expressed exactly what I believe as well. The illusion of free will or agency is needed for morality and responsibility to make any sense.

 

[Cancún]

my dad probably die but my mom gonna be ok . and they will found me so worst

 

[muutako]

Some relatives and a couple friends might get sad, but I doubt it'll come as a huge surprise to anyone. If only I had not been born this whole thing could have been avoided.

 

[Cancún]

no one around me gonna be surprised

 

[LonelyHeart]

I think some people are going to realize they just lost their free meal ticket.

 

[TAW122]

Just to let everyone know, I've read all of your responses and I believe a lot of you all share similar sentiments as well as predictions that are similar to mine.