Discussion What do you think people's reactions (IRL) will be when you CTB?

[TAW122]

What do you think the people in your lives (IRL) reaction will be after you CTB? In other words, based on your understanding of the people around you (varies from each individual to individual as everyone's personal circumstances and lives are different from one another).

This is a question that is sometimes in the back of my mind at times. No, I'm not going to stay just for them or anyone in particular. If my time is near, then I will go, regardless of what others' say or think because it's my life. Ultimately, when I'm gone from this world, I would no longer be suffering or be able to experience the aftermath, the reactions of others, and what not, logically speaking. However, if I have any influence on how people perceive me during when I'm alive versus after I'm gone, I'd prefer to have them have the facts straight (which is why I had detailed notes and what not before I go -- it's not mainly for myself because once I'm dead my suffering ends and whatever happens afterwards is irrelevant to me) and rather not them misunderstand, misrepresent, misconstrue, nor assume incorrectly as in that I CTB'd due to a singular reason or cause (I even made a thread specifically addressing such an issue).

I know that when I CTB, it is still my decision and there may/not be a catalyst, but most likely there will be one event or reason (in addition to ALL the other existing reasons) that will tip the scales and push me over the edge. Therefore, I would be making it clear in my CTB notes that my decision is still mine alone and that there is NO singular reason or cause for my CTB'ing. What the survivors and recipients make of it is up to them, but I do know that the people in this community who have been around with me will know and understand exactly what I mean and what I say when that time comes.

However, back to the main point, which is how people in my life will react. Based on my predictions and understanding, there will be a wide range of reactions, from anger, sadness, pity, scorn, and even some empathy. I could almost guarantee there will not be acceptance of my decision (very difficult as just about everyone IRL that I come across are pro-lifers, not pro-choice people). For family, they will of course be genuinely sad (my mother, father, sister, and even brother-in-law) and may/not fully get over it. As for close acquaintances, they will be sad but eventually move on, depending on who they are; some may even have scorn and sadness mixed with pity (looking down on me). As for strangers and people who vaguely know me, well they would of course, virtue signal (as much as I hate that) and then quickly move on with their lives. Some strangers may even react negatively (scorn, pity, anger) due to seeing how I've tossed away my life when (according to them) it is not that bad objectively speaking.

(TAW122's prediction of potential responses and reactions)
More specifically for my family, my mother would be "Why? I can't believe my son would do that! Why didn't he reach out?" My father's response would be "Wow, we loved and raised you up from childhood to adulthood, paid for your college, and supported you all these years (29 years of my life), all of our efforts (and yours) is wasted." As for my sister she would be very sad but also moved on (I don't really talk to her much, maybe once in a while as she has her own life to live) "No!!!! TAW122 is gone! *sobs for a while* Why didn't my brother reach out?! He should have talked to me first!"

As for close acquaintances, possible responses include but aren't limited to: "Wow, that's just so sad. I'm sorry for TAW122's family." "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!" "I can't believe it, TAW122 should have reached out, asked for help!" (most likely the help paradox because on one hand society doesn't want to deal with sadness and negativity or suicidal people's problems that lead them to suicide ideation/CTB'ing to begin with, yet they don't want those people to do self-deliverance, it's a paradox, conundrum, ironic, etc.). "I'm really hurting now, I didn't know he would do that. (then goes to virtue signal)" Oh and last but not least, religious people: "TAW122 must be in heaven/hell." "TAW122 must be suffering judgment." "TAW122 is in a better place now." "Only God knows TAW122's relationship with Him." etc. Of course, I'm not religious but the people I interact with are. Then there are religious people who are actually nice people and not judgmental too.

For strangers, it can vary between mean and caring (fake concerns) responses: "Oh, I knew he would do that!" "Well, that sucks. Don't be afraid to get help (insert suicide hotline and help lines and bullshit)", "That's unfortunate (moves on with day to day life like nothing happens)" "Well sucks to be him!" "WHAT?! He CTB'ed over (insert trivial reason)?!"

With all that said, what do you think the people around you IRL will react (friends, family, strangers, etc.)?

 

[LastRide]

I' sure my good friends they'll say "we could see it coming, probably the best that could happen to her...". And people who just know me superficially will do the standard stupid pro-lifers stance "oh how tragic why did she not seek help?".

 

[Vault of Memories]

I've attempted before so I got a dose of what it was like. Of course, only a select individuals knew about it. Of course I always wonder how many people decide to tell others and how many people actually do know. It was a huge surprise to everyone, despite being depressed for half my life no one knew I was suffering from it.
I think when it does happen it will be difficult for my family and friends, extremely difficult. I think even people in my childhood will kind of think to themselves "that's why he became so quiet all of a sudden". It's like I became a whole new person at the age 13/14.
I have in my mind often that no one has a reason to like me, but in reality I think there will be a lot of grieving. I just hope no one blames themselves.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I have been open with my mom about my ctb plans for a couple years now so I don't think she will be surprised it happened but instead surprised I actually went through with it. She is the only one I worry about..I think my death will kill her too but I cannot simply stay alive and suffer for her anymore. Other family members might be shocked and some angry that "how dare I be so selfish" and do that to them. I have very few friends and I know they won't be shocked. Ex partners will probably demonize me (and one shouldn't be surprised at all because his abuse is a huge driving factor). All in all I think most people in my life will say that they saw it coming after all the hell I been through. I am writing through notes and writings about why I ctb and everything that led me there.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

If I ctb my ex will move on, but it will affect her as a mentally unstable person with shitty life. She will always remember that I chose death over defeat.
Father will become more depressed.
A friend will cry (but it hard to say how hard it will hit her).
Uncle will be sad for a few days.
This is all people I have.

 

[Despondent]

"Good riddance" or something along those lines

I don't think many people will particularly care; if any at all. I'm not very significant or important -- but that's what I truly believe. Whether they beg to differ or not. Besides, the world won't stop just because I ctb. The world will continue to rotate, and everyone will continue on with their lives. Maybe they'll think, "I knew she needed help, but at least we won't need to deal with that any longer".

 

[disabledandhopeless]

They'll move on. Nobody will be sad about it. Some will celebrate.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I think people worry too much about what will happen after they're dead. None of it matters, because after all, you'll be dead. You won't be on this plane of existence to reflect on the outcome.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

My parents and close friends will be devastated. I don't think anyone else would really care. Some people, like my former professors and coworkers, may cry. But they'll get over it.

My former professors mean a lot to me because college was a period of growth and understanding. I don't care if I sound like a wuss or a teacher's pet - they have been some of the best people in my life. I still keep in touch with about five of them, and I treasure it.

 

[Ardesevent]

I might be gossiped about for a couple days, but then they'll lose interest. After that, I'll just be forgotten. I haven't done anything that could leave even the slightest impact on anyone.

 

[InTheAirTonight]

Luckily, No one will care because coronavirus is occupying everyone's lives. People will just assume I'm a coronavirus victim and move on.

 

[Despondent]

My former professors mean a lot to me because college was a period of growth and understanding. I don't care if I sound like a wuss or a teacher's pet - they have been some of the best people in my life. I still keep in touch with about five of them, and I treasure it.

I don't think you sound like a teacher's pet at all. Teachers/professor's really do make an impact in our lives -- even the most powerful one's. I look up to a lot of my teachers -- even though I am an adult. I even aspire to have their kindness, patience, and intelligence. I just wish I could tell them that

 

[TAW122]

I've added some potential responses in my original post of what I think people will react or say when I CTB.

 

[Bustedhornet]

My family and girlfriend would be distraught and would have wanted me to wait it out to see if things get better. But at the same time they will understand the amount of suffering I'm in. My parents partly blame themselves, as much as I tell them it's not their fault, because it isn't, it's all on me.

 

[Vault of Memories]

I think people worry too much about what will happen after they're dead. None of it matters, because after all, you'll be dead. You won't be on this plane of existence to reflect on the outcome.

This applies to me 100%. It's like I need everyone who has felt like I've ignored them due to anxiety or depression to know my reasoning. I need them all to see my note and understand how I felt for some reason. Why does it matter though? I will no longer exist. I ask my self why should I care if they know I've been suffering for this long, but I'm not able to shake it.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I know that when I CTB, it is still my decision and there may/not be a catalyst, but most likely there will be one event or reason (in addition to ALL the other existing reasons) that will tip the scales and push me over the edge. Therefore, I would be making it clear in my CTB notes that my decision is still mine alone and that there is NO singular reason or cause for my CTB'ing. What the survivors and recipients make of it is up to them, but I do know that the people in this community who have been around with me will know and understand exactly what I mean and what I say when that time comes.

That is also one of the reasons I have made videos and letters explaining about ALL my physical and mental problems because right now if I ctb people will probably assume it´s because I am tapering out of benzoes which I hate for them to think it was a drug´s fault when in fact I have planned for a long time to ctb, luckily I made a couple videos a long time ago back in April 2019 (before I started using benzos) where I explained all my reasons like a suicide letter so that is assurrance that I in fact did plan on ctb for a long time and for the same reasons as I have stated in my more recent videos.

But of course there will be a catalyst that will be the straw that broke the camel´s back and I feel my end is drawing near especially since I just turned 26 so I feel so old because I want to be a child again so badly and now I am closer to 30 years old than my teenage years that is how old I have become, it is also insane to think that because of my illnesses I have almost wasted my 20´s while everyone is living life.

But for the topic, the reaction from my parents and siblings will be sadness and it will ruin my parents life when I ctb and since I don´t have any friends so none of my previous friends or aquintances will be sad they might even milk my suicide for attention even though we aren´t friends anymore and even though they most likely haven´t thought about me in years despite I think of my previous friends and aquintances every day.

The worst thing is knowing everyone except my family will just talk about it for a couple weeks and then their lives go on, as a teenager I imagined when I killed myself all of my friends and aquintances would be so sad and miss me forever or at least what felt like forever since as a teenager we perceive time differently i.e. the older we get the more time speeds up and as a teenager you have only been a child and a teenager so you can´t comprehend that someday you will be an adult, I mean you know you will some day but teenage years seemed to last forever but anyways I liked that feeling that everyone would miss me and be sad for me in what felt like forever but now I know how fast things go back to normal just a couple weeks of talk and everyone´s lives goes on we are all so insignificant just a grain of sand in a whole desert.

 

[The Dark Chaos]

Mine would come as totally unexpected. No one has any ideaa of what I've beengoing through. They've only seen me smiling and laughing and hardly anyone has seen me sheding tears. So everyone would be utterly shocked and some, I think, will miss me.

 

[TowerUpright]

My family will be devastated. One of my kids, in particular, will probably be damaged badly. My closest person I have to a non-family friend will be hurt and questioning if she could have done something or should have picked up on something.

None, I think, will have seen it coming. They know I've been depressed lately, but I don't intend to let out anything about thoughts, plans, or the SN I have stored away.

 

[mediocre]

Nobody ever speaks to me except my mum. She will probably be a bit shocked but not that much. She knows I've been suicidal for a while. As for everyone else I don't think they'd take much notice.

 

[reapandsow918]

Over exaggerated. They will throw things out of proportion, milk my suicide for attention and never try to understand why I did it in the first place.

 

[oneofthoseyoudontwan]

I'm thinking in this too much
Family will be sad,guilty,angry,ashamed maybe cause of tabu.
But in the end they had to understand that was my path as an individual one and it was my last big decision in life.

Friends will be sad too

Sooner, today a really close friend told me about a dream where my mom was haunted by something
I really take it like a premonition

If I really ctb he will know that i was trying to tell him that I'm going to kill myself (didn't talk about my plans but I managed to make him understand that things are not good in life, he kept anothe idea in his mind)

Other friends will be sad too.

 

[BPDbitch]

I imagine that most will be upset. Some might be surprised but others know of my suicidal exploits in the past and won't be. I don't have many friends, and it will be a small funeral.

 

[Mooshi]

My immediate family members will be devastated and distraught. It will most likely hit my mom the hardest and she'll probably blame herself.. She'll be overcome with grief and depression but will hopefully recover. They probably won't ever fully get over my death.

My one and only friend will also be devastated, she might not fully get over it either.

Acquaintances will question why, might be sad for a little bit but will get over it.

Strangers might be sad, will say some typical pro-life bs and will move on.

 

[qwerty32]

It'll be a big shock to my family and friends. It'll be very sad since I've hidden it from everyone. Only a very few will know the specific reason why I went through with it. It might be traumatizing. What I'm hoping is that a specific person won't think it's their fault for it, but I can't really say since I haven't spoken to them in awhile.
But in terms of friends and family, I'm holding on to some hope and positive though I feel I haven't affected some lives, I'm sure some people have looked up to me.

 

[WinterFaust]

My brothers will be upset but they'll get over it. My mom will probably make it about her and me going to hell or something. Former friends and my ex may have a brief moment of pity if they care at all. Overall, I'll be forgotten in a matter of months if not weeks.

 

[rebelsue]

What I hope would happen: They would miss me, they'd share my songs with each other, remember the good times, and wish me peace.

What will probably happen: They'll be really angry, my therapist might quit his practice (based on things he has said to me), my husband will have to sell our house but he makes plenty of money and he'll be fine in the end. He'll probably remarry. His mom will be happy I'm dead. She'll say that she saw it coming. My parents will be a little sad but otherwise will feel relieved. A few of my close friends will be really hurt and confused but they will be okay. I am not a significant part of their lives right now anyway.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

My mom will probably be sad for a while, but it will pass. Maybe she'll realize she's stuck in her own abiss. My closest friends probably will be a little sad, but it's not as if my lack of existence will strongly affect them. Same goes for a few ppl from my family. Most of them will celebrate. In fact, most ppl will.

 

[Forest Fire]

My brother and 1 friend will be fucked up but they will understand. I'm counting on my brother to help my family realise they need to see it as my suffering is over rather than a bad thing. My family won't see it this way though. I imagine they'll blame themselves and think they could have done more when the reality is they couldn't.
In private, people I went school with/played football with will probably laugh and say it's something they expected of me. Probably refer to me as a crazy bastard.
There will be a mixed response at work. 1 person will regret saying if I was serious i'd have done it already or that quitting cannabis is all in my head and if they can do it I can, and I genuinely think this will cause them problems for quite a while ( I don't want them to suffer at all)
Half the people won't care in the slightest. the other half will realise there was a lot more to my constant absences and will realise they never knew anything about me at all.

Edited to add i was in a relationship for 5 years but i have no idea how they will react to news i've took my own life.

 

[dxnys]

My direct family will be sad and my mom/dad will probably destroyed. That's a sad thing that kept me back for long time. But we can't live for and by others, that's worst or equal as death.
Furthermore, I have in mind that cemeteries are full of unforgettable and unique people. We will just be forgotten and time will make his work as he always did without caring of death and suffering. Even if that's not a reason to inflict more suffering as we can, we need to minimize it a maximum.
But we're only a drop in the ocean, and cimetieries are full people that inflict or live through much more suffering than us.

 

[xBrialesana]

To be honest and not dramatic I honestly don't believe anybody will notice for quite a long time until the debt collectors come. I'm okay with that.

Am I sick for slightly smiling at the thought of the people who did this to me finding out (they'll know a huge chunk of it is on them). It's a sick thought and I don't want people to feel guilty ever but they know what they did, they know what it does to me every day, I have permanent physical and neuro problems, they know I plan to ctb, and still make rape jokes at me daily. Like... I'm not feeling bad sorry.
Edit I've been told to kill my self every day since I was like 6 lmao then when I say anything they threaten the cops I laugh at this point