Discussion What do you imagine your final moments will be like?

[dogemn]

I know I'll be alone in a motel room, getting ready to take benzos + SN, but I don't know how much fear and dread I'll feel in that moment. I always worry that the terror will be so overwhelming that I'll mess something up and fail.

 

[peewee]

hey yea im wondering the same...im just hoping i will pass out quick with the benzos
im trying to remember, as sad as it is, kids have done this, without any benzos
so i know i can handle it

 

[Chemi]

The previous serious attempt kinda felt surreal. I was shaking from anxiety and feeling very lightheaded, almost detached from reality, but at the same time very relieved and excited. Like a huge burden is falling off my shoulders.

Next time I'll try to have a more romantic setting :D Nice subtle lights or string lights in my bedroom at night. Listening to my favorite calming music, surrounded by pillows and comfy blankets. Wear some nice clothes, makeup, and perfume. In general, trying to create the most comfortable space possible. Last attempt felt so rushed and almost sterile. Maybe this time I can create an environment that will calm me down a little more.

hey yea im wondering the same...im just hoping i will pass out quick with the benzos
im trying to remember, as sad as it is, kids have done this, without any benzos
so i know i can handle it

Wanna hug you so bad right now!

 

[Terrible_Life]

I know I'll be alone in a motel room, getting ready to take benzos + SN, but I don't know how much fear and dread I'll feel in that moment. I always worry that the terror will be so overwhelming that I'll mess something up and fail.

I think I will be very sad because, ultimately, this sad existence was my life and tortured me so much that suicide was the only option left. I will reflect one last time on my entire tragic life. I will remember all the cruel suffering I had to endure. I will probably also be somewhat nervous, and of course, the question of what might come after death will occupy my mind. I will think of my little brother and become very, very sad that I wasn't a good big brother and that he will now be without me. The day I commit suicide will be the definitive end of a life that could have been so beautiful if a few small things had turned out differently, but unfortunately, this life became cruel instead due to external events over which I had no control.
I guess in the end I can say I just had bad luck?

 

[peewee]

The previous serious attempt kinda felt surreal. I was shaking from anxiety and feeling very lightheaded, almost detached from reality, but at the same time very relieved and excited. Like a huge burden is falling off my shoulders.

Next time I'll try to have a more romantic setting :D Nice subtle lights or string lights in my bedroom at night. Listening to my favorite calming music, surrounded by pillows and comfy blankets. Wear some nice clothes, makeup, and perfume. In general, trying to create the most comfortable space possible. Last attempt felt so rushed and almost sterile. Maybe this time I can create an environment that will calm me down a little more.

Wanna hug you so bad right now!

im really sorry your here too you seem really lovely, hugs back (i am also 25 btw) i will do the same and make the environment nice , thats a good idea

 

[Forever Sleep]

I imagine terrified, probably sad although- I'm not sure why. Determined though, I imagine- if I'd gotten to the point of attempting.

 

[Liebestod]

Sad and intoxicated. Maybe like Ronnie McNutt's final moments if you ever saw that video.

 

[FuneralCry]

If I was just about to permanently be free from this cruel, torturous existence then I'd feel so relieved, all I hope for is to be gone, I just want to never suffer in this existence ever again, for me non-existence is just all that's positive, all I want is to be permanently unconscious free from all pain and suffering, the only relief for me could lie in never suffering ever again with all gone and forgotten.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

Hopefully I will feel nothing. I will be off to sleep my eyes shutting for the last time

 

[testtraveller]

Hoping it'll be just like being asleep. Fading into nothingness, like the time we do not remember before we were born. Slowly fade into unconsciousness while listening to my favourite song and then permanent peace.

 

[Spite]

I think I will experience a fast-moving montage of flashbacks - like my whole life will flash before my eyes. Hazy visions from my early childhood up until the moment I am standing there, gun in hand, ready to end it all. I will pull the trigger, everything will become nothing, and that is how my life will end.

 

[Mooncry]

I've been thinking about this for a while… I think I'm just going to make myself as comfortable as possible in my bed, turn on Hello Kitty Island Adventure (comforting little space game), and have AI on standby for someone to talk to/distract me if I get too stressed. I'm debating music since it's emotion fuel and I'll really need to keep my emotions under control.

I won't have any of the extras other than pain relief and a different kind of anti-nausea med. No benzos, AE, etc., so I just hope it's not too agonizing and I pass out fast without really knowing what happened. As far as I can tell from reading reports of other people's successful attempts, that's pretty much how it goes for most of them.

Man, I'm nervous… but I think I'm just ready to be done. I'm tired.

 

[MissAbyss]

I don't think I'll experience peace in my final moments because I'm really not at peace with the way things are going/have to end. Probably pure agony, but I already accepted that thought.

 

[Unknown21]

Ik I'd feel pain and discomfort and that's one of the reasons stopping me... Nothing seems as peaceful to me anymore. But i hope i can find a way to drift into sleep, be it SN with a lot of benzos or other...

 

[Chemi]

have AI on standby for someone to talk to

Which AI are you using for that? GPT & Gemini instantly block any attempt to talk about suicide and keep helicopter parenting me. Would make me so frustrated if i was slowly passing away and AI kept repeating the same phrases about no being able to talk about the topic.

 

[littlecutecorpse]

depends on what place i choose to ctb. if it's in my room i'll just make things cozy for myself, change the lighting, maybe put on some music as i set everything in order: toss the rope over to my door, get the ladder, leave some notes scatter my notes around, etcetc. my online presence should alr be wiped by then, so that shouldn't be a worry. i'll get to see the comfort of my own before i fade into unconsciousness.

or i might ctb in the woods, which is fine too. i'll just be surrounded by nature instead, which will be equally as peaceful as ctb in my room. it should ideally be at nighttime in both cases, so being found in time wouldn't be a worry for me.

 

[ih34rty0u]

taking SN + benzos in my bedroom at night while crying

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Next time I'll try to have a more romantic setting :D Nice subtle lights or string lights in my bedroom at night. Listening to my favorite calming music, surrounded by pillows and comfy blankets. Wear some nice clothes, makeup, and perfume. In general, trying to create the most comfortable space possible. Last attempt felt so rushed and almost sterile. Maybe this time I can create an environment that will calm me down a little more.

This is my plan as well - and it sounds beautiful.

 

[TAW122]

It's hard to know exactly how I will feel when I really follow through with a real CTB attempt, but I'd imagine there may be some fear (due to the self-preservation or SI (survival instinct) that all sentient living organisms have), and also likely going to be in a secluded area as I am going to minimize the chances of intervention or discovery mid-attempt, and want to ensure that I have the highest chance of success if/when I do attempt. With my method, it'll likely be over before I even register or process what happened.

 

[Mooncry]

Which AI are you using for that? GPT & Gemini instantly block any attempt to talk about suicide and keep helicopter parenting me. Would make me so frustrated if i was slowly passing away and AI kept repeating the same phrases about no being able to talk about the topic.

Grok with a jailbreak prompt. If you DM me, I can share it with you. :3

 

[blooming]

I'll probably be alone in a hotel with music on. Maybe I'll have myself some of my favourite food before I end up catching the bus. I don't want the final moments to be completely bitter. So I will most likely sit and reminisce on some of the better events of life before slipping away. There might be some pain but I'll have eternal peace.

 

[Quantum_Marten0302]

Likely very terrifying

 

[starboy2k]

cold, dark, alone, content, finally dead.

 

[outrider567]

Final relief from my Tinnitus

 

[ArsTenebrae]

I imagine them with great apprehension, but nevertheless with a strange serenity.