Discussion What do you do when you’re feeling impulsive?

[Pryras]

Prior to joining this forum I would make lousy (yet expensive) attempts that would leave me worse off than I had started.

Helplines do nothing for me, I cannot maintain a conversation with someone who can't understand my reason to CTB.

As of now, I run on here or try to help others in any Avenue that I can. It helps negate the suicidal thoughts or at least push them off for a while.

 

[Oyoy]

I did drugs and had sex!! I ran away, I dropped out of class and I ate cookies and chicken!!

 

[Pryras]

I did drugs and had sex!! I ran away, I dropped out of class and I ate cookies and chicken!!

Friend of mine recently gave me some ketamine that has kept me somewhat okay. I have used sex as a distraction but intimacy always messes me up emotionally afterwards.

 

[darkhorse256]

Mostly sex or drinking. Can't do both due to the lockdown. Drinking probably doesn't help everyone, though. I drink only because I feel happy while drinking. I don't really get depressed afterwards, I mostly fall asleep after an hour ish.

Right now, I just remember that I made a promise to my bf and that I have to be alive in order to fulfill it. I would really hate to leave him before I fulfill that promise. Probably a horrible reason to keep myself alive but it's better than nothing.

 

[rat.girl]

Back when I had a car, I would just get in it and go. One night I drove halfway across the state of Colorado before I even realized what I was doing. I would also self harm or make impulsive suicide attempts (I took 50,00mg of tylenol one night). Lately, especially now that I dont have a car, I tend to go on anonymous confession websites and vent about all the horrible things i want to do to myself. I know that sounds childish but it can help to get it out.

 

[mediocre]

I eat eat eat! Fast food has been my downfall. It makes me feel better at the time but after I feel terrible. But I continue the cycle.

 

[BabyYoda]

Basically, I write random shit on my profile here on this website.

 

[bpdandme]

Journaling has helped me

 

[Thelonelyplanetguide]

I close my eyes and pretend I'm killing my self then realize what comes after that is pure nothingness and then I freak out open my eyes and go back to being normal.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Cut insults into my skin
Run away to Germany and try to jump off a bridge
Drink / drug myself to oblivion
Scream
Puke and starve, puke and starve etc
Rock back and forth
Walk by the river all night

 

[Despondent]

Self harm and constant thinking of "I'm gonna kill myself, I'm gonna kill myself, I'm gonna kill myself".

 

[nerve]

Too ugly for sex, too poor for food or drugs :,(

I get use out of helplines and text lines, even just to kill time doing something non-destructive until I get tired from freaking out. If the person on the other end is an idiot, that's kind of okay too. If I'm thinking about how fuckin clueless this person is, there's less space in my brain to think myself further down the spiral.

The longer this goes on, the more I sorta "regress" to outlets like screaming and thrashing and stimming. There was an incident a few weeks ago where I just crawled into the cabinet under the bathroom sink and sat there rocking myself for 15 minutes. It feels like my brain is falling apart.

 

[itsamadworld]

I quit one of my jobs, drink and smoke weed, do whatever the hell I want everyday, met an army person on a dating site-he's hot AF- but his personality, meh...., Well normally I wait longer, but I was like fk it- and that's what I did....I wanted to re-live my military days, specific to that I plan to ctb soon.