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GreenLBMD

Member
Aug 28, 2023
10
When I say lost I mean specifically feeling as though there is nothing concrete for you to reach for in the future. The feeling that it is done, but it can not end. I am interested to talk with/observe what different people's answers are here.
 
lacrimosa

lacrimosa

Student
Jul 1, 2024
102
I write stories and poems or watch TV, work on my music, play video games. Anything, really, that will distract myself from my current reality and circumstances... Or I just sleep and wallow in my depression, paranoia, and anxiety, white-knuckling it. Sometimes I imagine myself CTB and what it will feel like to take my last breaths.

I threw in the towel a long time ago, now, I'm just waiting for the inevitable, and we all know what that means...
 
G

GreenLBMD

Member
Aug 28, 2023
10
I've come to a point where games aren't enough in terms of substance. Not to say I don't still play them for 10+ hours a day, but I have been looking for more. Writing could be interesting, what kind of writing do you do? You mentioned stories or poems but is there a genre that you find works better for you?
 
lacrimosa

lacrimosa

Student
Jul 1, 2024
102
I ramble more than write but somehow it ends up being decent sometimes. And sometimes it's just verbal diarrhea... Working on a novel right now... Well, whom am I kidding... I'm not really working on anything... I wish I was working on it but I don't have much motivation to finish or work on anything these days. I'm very tired due to my mental and physical health issues.

If I could wave a magic wand, I wouldn't change my circumstances as I deserve to die IMHO. I am a part of the tapestry that is the human race and thus equally guilty as anyone else. Having said that, I don't think other people deserve to die for being human or being born into this shitty planet.

Anyways, I want to finish my novel and a few songs before I CTB. And I probably will, and, maybe the hesitation to write is what is keeping me in this limbo mindset...

This depression is numbing but despite the numbness, I am starting to see things with more clarity despite being the cliche tortured artist.

I don't know what the end game is or what will happen to me, but I will ultimately make my final decision. For now though, I am looking for someone to critique my writing and members here have graciously offered to read what I've written. So, there is a silver lining hidden somewhere here. And, the people on here are really lovely and understanding. Not going to lie. It's a really welcoming community.

Posting here also takes up a lot of my time. It's comforting to know I am not struggling alone with this situation, and it is okay to make a conscious decision to CTB. I don't feel so guilty about it in the end.

For now though, I will live in limbo and just keep on ticking through life until I can't go on anymore.

And to answer your question - Fiction...
 
Last edited:
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
20,085
I too resort to distracting myself while attempting to manage to aimlessly wander around until I achieve the desired result. This applies to getting lost in reality, in video games, and mentally. Haven't gotten out in the last example though.
 
BrokeN__lil’__girl

BrokeN__lil’__girl

dead_inside
May 10, 2023
321
I cry…. That's all I can do….... and hope for sudden death or strength to take my life….. I know it's not helpful one bit but it's true….
 

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