No, it's not a weakness thing. We just fell a bit further is all. The others found something to live for, but it's harder for us down here.
The last time I was truly suicidal (as in actively planning, rather than just hoping I would die) was a few years ago when I was trapped in an abusive relationship and couldn't escape.
What changed my life and my mindset that time was a five minute conversation i had with a work client in a parking lot. We didn't even talk about anything personal, just work, but there was such a light in this man and such kindness that it changed something in me and I realised that there was indeed beauty in this world. I spent a week staring at a wall trying to figure out what was happening in my head... And I eventually realised I just really, really admired his light and for the first time, I felt hope. Shortly after I escaped my abuser and got set up on meds. And my motivation for all that was just the simple fact of discovering such a kind person who shines without meaning to. And I wanted to bring light to others the way he did to me.
Ironically I later became friends with him and told him the story... Turned out he'd previously been suicidal too and had no idea he had that effect on people.
I later helped some others. It's a whole cycle.
Things are different now of course, since I'm planning to CTB for unrelated reasons.
But being here has nothing to do with weakness. It's all about hope and those around us.