what did i do wrong

[nembutal]

my biggest strife right now is being dumped by my ex of two years as well as their entire family and having absolutely no idea as to why. they broke up with me in may right before our two year saying they can't deal with my self hatred and pessimism anymore. i stayed with their family after the psych ward last year, ate their food, met their extended family, they helped me build trust with a family after years of being mistreated by my own and it apparently meant nothing.
i remember the first time i met their family on a road trip, their mother told me she would help me unconditionally as she knew how terrible my childhood was and the trust issues it gave me, using the phrase "even if you two were to part".
apparently it all meant nothing, and i'm being treated as though i had malicious intentions throughout the entire relationship.
im unblocked by my ex at the moment and wish i could ask what exactly they told their family to make them all drop me after two years of getting to know me, but i know i'll just sound manic and obsessive, but it's eating at me that people can switch their perspectives so easily. i was "the first person [ex] cared for romantically" i was "special". it was all bullshit, and i don't think i can build that kind of connection with people ever again. the break up is my main reason for suicide.

 

[Foresight]

I was in a relationship like this when I was younger. I had a partner with a lovely family. My family life was hell. They all wanted to assist and save me. I was in and out of the hospital and under psychiatric care. It was just incompatibility for us. They had no reference point for suffering that much.

Most relationships need a complete cut off. Sometimes not, but most of the time when it's over it comes to a complete close with the partner and the family of the partner. It's really one of the hardest situations I've experienced so I understand the pain.

 

[Dead Ghost]

Maybe they had seen too many movies and thought that everything would be easier, it usually happens. When you enter our world and realize the misery that surrounds us, this scares many... and many times the people who get close to us get sick because of us if they don't know how to keep a certain distance.
In the end all this creates rejection from others.

The only solution I can find is to try to make things go as well as possible in order to be able to offer other people something more than sorrows... otherwise I don't know how to do it, the people who are "balanced" they are often as weak as we are and cannot bear what we live. They must think "better that it falls alone than that it be carried away with it".

In my case it is not a reason for suicide, but if it is true that over the years, and you find yourself more and more isolated from everything, whether you like it or not, you start this reflection, the interruption of this nonsense that is ours life

I still have a small glimmer of hope that something will pull me out of the hole I'm in. But I'm quite upset because I haven't had a clear head for a few months and it seems to me that my mind has taken a step that in the coming months will have consequences in the form of new psychiatric reports (my mother keeps nagging me and - me to go to the psychiatrist because he says that I have gotten much worse).

I'm very sorry for what you're going through, I would tell you to get some self-sufficiency to get out of this, let time pass, and once you've done that, reflect again on what has happened to you in the last few months with this family You have to learn from it all to find other paths.

//

Potser havien vist masses pel·lícules i es pensaven que tot sería més fàcil, acostuma a passar. Quan entres al nostre món i te n'adones de la miséria que ens envolta això espanta a molts... i moltes vegades la gent que s'apropa a nosaltres s'enmalalteix per culpa nostra si no saben mantenir certa distància.
Al final tot això crea rebuig per part dels altres.

L'única sol·lució que trobo es intentar que les coses surtin el millor possible per a poder oferir a d'altres persones alguna cosa mes que penes... es que si no no se pas com fer-ho, la gent que está "equilibrada" sovint són tan febles com nosaltres i no suporten el que vivim. Deuen pensar "millor que caigui sol que no que se'ns endugui amb ell".

En el meu cas no es una raó pel suïcidi, però si es cert que amb el pas dels anys, i troban-te cada cop més aïllat de tot, inicies vulguis o no aquesta reflexió, la interrupció d'aquest disbarat que és la nostra vida.

Jo encara tinc una petita engruna d'esperança de que hi hagi alguna cosa que tiri de mi i em tregui del pou en el que estic. Però estic bastant amoïnat perquè porto uns mesos que no tinc el cap clar i em sembla que la meva ment ha fet un pas que en els propers mesos tindrà conseqüències en forma de nous dictamens psiquiàtrics (ma mare no para d'etzibar-me i burxar-me perquè vagi al psiquiatre perquè diu que he empitjorat força).

Sento molt el que estas passant, et diría que aconseguissis com fós certa autosuficiència per ensortir-te'n d'aquesta, deixar passar el temps, i un cop fet això tornar a reflexionar amb el que t'ha passat els darrers mesos amb aquesta família. N'has d'aprendre de tot plegat per trobar altres camins.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

You didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes people say things that they mean at the time but then feel differently later. Like Foresight said, a lot of people cut off completely after a relationship ends. Sometimes people also say things they don't really mean, and their intentions for this can vary from good to bad.

I'm very sorry for what you're going through, I would tell you to get some self-sufficiency to get out of this, let time pass, and once you've done that, reflect again on what has happened to you in the last few months with this family You have to learn from it all to find other paths.

Try this. I'm sorry for what you're going through too.

 

[nembutal]

You didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes people say things that they mean at the time but then feel differently later. Like Foresight said, a lot of people cut off completely after a relationship ends. Sometimes people also say things they don't really mean, and their intentions for this can vary from good to bad.



Try this. I'm sorry for what you're going through too.

by self sufficiency do you mean trying to make it out on my own? self reflecting? trying to develop a new perspective? it is honestly so challenging to do it all on my own. it isn't the break up itself that is leading me to ctb as i was suicidal in the relationship, i think it's the fact that in concept i am a singular being who at the end of the day has to fend for themselves.

 

[Dead Ghost]

by self sufficiency do you mean trying to make it out on my own? self reflecting? trying to develop a new perspective? it is honestly so challenging to do it all on my own. it isn't the break up itself that is leading me to ctb as i was suicidal in the relationship, i think it's the fact that in concept i am a singular being who at the end of the day has to fend for themselves.

No, it's a thought I have about myself all too often. I think that if I manage not to depend so much on others, I will become stronger to cope with my current situation.

That's why when I talk about self-sufficiency I mean improving my health enough to be able to work and guarantee myself some economic stability that will allow me to get back on track. Because when I depend a lot on other people, any obstacle will lead you to suicidal thoughts, whether you want it or not.

Self-sufficiency should improve my quality of life and I think yours too (if you see it feasible, of course, it is not easy).

//

No, es un pensament que tinc sobre mi massa sovint. Penso que si aconsegueixo no dependre tant dels altres aconseguiré enfortir-me més per fer front a la meva situació actual.

Per això quant parlo d'autosuficiència em refereixo a millorar prou la meva salut per poder treballar i garantir-me certa estabilitat econòmica que em permeti tornar a rodar. Ja que quan depenc molt d'altres persones qualsevol entrebanc t'aboca vulguis o no a pensaments suïcides.

L'autosuficiència hauria de millorar la meva qualitat de vida i crec que la teva també (si ho veus factible, esclar, no es pas gens fàcil).