Discussion What confirmed your decision to do it?

[callen]

Poverty, other people, hopelessness, mental health issues, existence itself etc.

What was it that confirmed your decision to do it?

 

[painmustend]

i don´t really know, it all adds up i guess. generally i don´t really believe that in 10 years the earth will be a fun place to be on due to the climate crisis and wars. but for me personally a huge role plays that i tried nearly every possible treatment/therapy/medication options and nothing ever helped. so there isn´t really anything to hope for anymore if i´m being realistic. what confirmed it for you?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I won't know for sure that I've made the decision until I go through with it- if that makes sense? But in terms of why- it will be to save myself from living a future I see so little chance of being happy in. I've lived 43 years. I have a good idea of what makes me happy and what doesn't. I've tried multiple times in life to get the life I want with limited and very precarious success. I don't particularly want to keep trying for starters but I don't feel like any amount of success will be worth it or last long enough to warrant the effort to get it. Again- I feel like I know this from experience. Plus- health wise- it tends to be a worsening picture as we age and I'm not prepared to put myself through that. So- once the person in my life that I feel it would really affect is gone- my Dad, I feel like it will be the right decision for me. It's just whether I have the guts to carry it out...

 

[callen]

i don´t really know, it all adds up i guess. generally i don´t really believe that in 10 years the earth will be a fun place to be on due to the climate crisis and wars. but for me personally a huge role plays that i tried nearly every possible treatment/therapy/medication options and nothing ever helped. so there isn´t really anything to hope for anymore if i´m being realistic. what confirmed it for you?

I agree with you…probably even less than 10 years.

for me it's a mixture of mental health issues and no redeemable qualities.

 

[Reuthry]

Ironically the new year. I couldn't die last year and I feel really bad about it. Now I am determined to leave this year, I hope, I really hope.

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

Realizing that I have no way around death. It's going to eventually happen and I don't want to wait around and find out how I'm going to die. I much rather die on my own terms the way I want to go. The longer I wait, the less chance I have to ctb.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish to cease existing on my own terms as existence itself is something very undesirable, I don't see anything appealing about having the ability to suffer in this cruel and meaningless existence where one is just waiting around to cease existing anyway. I see suicide as very rational in my case as it's the way to prevent and escape from suffering, it disturbs me how there is no limit as to how much a human can be tormented. And I find human existence to be tiresome and a burden, I see it as horrifying how life even exists at all causing so much harm, problems and suffering as a result.

Death solves everything for me, I believe death to be nothing more than an dreamless and eternal sleep, I see existence itself as the true problem, it's nothing more than an unnecessary harm. Existence is futile, dreadful and could never be a desirable state so I'd see it as always preferable to not exist.

 

[S like Siren]

There is nothing left really...i don't know if you ever felt like you are totally abandoned by everyone,even god for the ones that belive in it.
This is what I am feeling,can't find the right words but it's when the only comforting thought is the "hug" of death.
The confirmation also came for the npteenth time from my family,when your family are your abuser plus you have no other else...what do you have left?

 

[callen]

Ironically the new year. I couldn't die last year and I feel really bad about it. Now I am determined to leave this year, I hope, I really hope.

Same, it's like breaking a promise to yourself. Whatever you choose to do I am wishing you peace and success.

There is nothing left really...i don't know if you ever felt like you are totally abandoned by everyone,even god for the ones that belive in it.
This is what I am feeling,can't find the right words but it's when the only comforting thought is the "hug" of death.
The confirmation also came for the npteenth time from my family,when your family are your abuser plus you have no other else...what do you have left?

I understand.

 

[baabbaabbaab]

Psych drug induced internal personal chamber of torture... Nothing else

 

[over.the.rainbow]

i don´t really know, it all adds up i guess. generally i don´t really believe that in 10 years the earth will be a fun place to be on due to the climate crisis and wars. but for me personally a huge role plays that i tried nearly every possible treatment/therapy/medication options and nothing ever helped. so there isn´t really anything to hope for anymore if i´m being realistic. what confirmed it for you?

I feel this deeply. Throughout my life I've tried dozens of meds, ECT, TMS, and (currently) Spravato. I've seen a number of therapists, had inpatient and intensive outpatient therapy, etc. Even when it seems like there's hope, inevitably the depression always returns. I'm so tired of trying. The icing on the cake now is that I feel like I have no real friends left, and the few that I was very close to started excluding me when I had a child with complex medical needs (another factor of isolation). The loneliness is overwhelming.

 

[BlazingBob]

There is nothing left really...i don't know if you ever felt like you are totally abandoned by everyone,even god for the ones that belive in it.
This is what I am feeling,can't find the right words but it's when the only comforting thought is the "hug" of death.
The confirmation also came for the npteenth time from my family,when your family are your abuser plus you have no other else...what do you have left?

I can completely relate. They say health and family are the most important things in life and I have neither. I technically have family but they're either vicious, angry, and extremely toxic or just don't give a shit. Add to that my body is literally torturing me. More than anything I wish I had a loving, caring family I could turn to but unfortunately I don't. I'm totally alone

I feel this deeply. Throughout my life I've tried dozens of meds, ECT, TMS, and (currently) Spravato. I've seen a number of therapists, had inpatient and intensive outpatient therapy, etc. Even when it seems like there's hope, inevitably the depression always returns. I'm so tired of trying. The icing on the cake now is that I feel like I have no real friends left, and the few that I was very close to started excluding me when I had a child with complex medical needs (another factor of isolation). The loneliness is overwhelming.

I've also tried TMS and dozens of meds to no avail. I recently tried ketamine infusions which didn't do anything. My depression persists no matter what I try. I've had hundreds of hours of therapy. For the last 20 years my physical health keeps falling apart to the point I can barely get out of bed. I also deal with overwhelming loneliness.

 

[S like Siren]

I can completely relate. They say health and family are the most important things in life and I have neither. I technically have family but they're either vicious, angry, and extremely toxic or just don't give a shit. Add to that my body is literally torturing me. More than anything I wish I had a loving, caring family I could turn to but unfortunately I don't. I'm totally alone

I am very sorry you know how it feels...but you are not alone,I can feel your pain

 

[painmustend]

i´ve also tried ketamine and it only made my suicidal thoughts more obsessive and out of control. there are so many studies which proof how well ketamine works and i felt like i was the only one to whom it had no positive effect. "glad" to read that i´m in fact not the only one

 

[Abyssal]

The knowledge that it won't get better.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Failure in life and declining quality of life as a result of the failure made me decide that CTB could be inevitable.

 

[Anon7b8]

Hopelessness and despair... The feeling maybe not feeling but reality of being backed to a corner that you have no idea of how you got there and no power to escape... Narcissistic father... And the stupidity of believing the good in people. I can't see a future of me being happy... Just so tired of it all.

 

[GhostKing714]

I have failed in life. I thought I had done everything to ensure that I would finally be able to be happy one day but apparently I'm not meant for that. I had no help and no support ever and so it is just me against the world, whilst I see everyone else being supported by others and reaching high because of it, meanwhile I just sink because of the stupid country I was born in and how poor I am. I truly believed in the idea of meritocracy, and how I could pull myself up by my own merit. But I've realised the game of life is fucking rigged, and no matter how much I try or ask for help, I can't win and so I'd rather just not play anymore and find peace.

 

[callen]

Failure in life and declining quality of life as a result of the failure made me decide that CTB could be inevitable.

Same, being a failure is humiliating.

I have failed in life. I thought I had done everything to ensure that I would finally be able to be happy one day but apparently I'm not meant for that. I had no help and no support ever and so it is just me against the world, whilst I see everyone else being supported by others and reaching high because of it, meanwhile I just sink because of the stupid country I was born in and how poor I am. I truly believed in the idea of meritocracy, and how I could pull myself up by my own merit. But I've realised the game of life is fucking rigged, and no matter how much I try or ask for help, I can't win and so I'd rather just not play anymore and find peace.

Yeah, that's so true. I'm wishing you peace in whatever you choose to do.

 

[mybodyisaprisoncell]

My boyfriend of 10 years finally breaking up with me. Permanent hair loss, a horribly botched nose job. All this happened in 2023. I have been in a living nightmare I can't wake up from since March. I'd give anything for the torture to stop.

 

[HealMyBrain]

This stupid concussion. 3 months ago, I was a very happy person. Not demanding, not needy, I was just content with life and all of its happenings. I was starting to come into my own, I was finally beginning to be social after a life of being an awkward recluse. But now I feel like a downright idiot, and I feel so hopeless in terms of recovery. I'm never gonna have that dream life I wanted with wealth, prosperity, and happiness. I'll never afford that nice house. I'll never have a real relationship. I'll never be successful. Even though I was awkward, and forgetful, and weird, I was very happy with myself because I still had my intellect. People could think I'm strange all they want — but I could still do my thing, so it was alright. Now that has been stripped from me. It feels like someone put a cap on my brain and limited my processing ability. I don't want this. I don't want a new me. I don't want to spend months or years in remission. I don't want to have to pause my life. I either am myself or I die. And it's looking like I die.


I had a pretty good streak going, too. I hadn't genuinely considered suicide since 2019, and I hadn't attempted since I was 6 or 7. Oh well.

 

[callen]

My boyfriend of 10 years finally breaking up with me. Permanent hair loss, a horribly botched nose job. All this happened in 2023. I have been in a living nightmare I can't wake up from since March. I'd give anything for the torture to stop.

i am so sorry to hear that. i am wishing you peace in whatever you choose to do.