What choice are you left with when you’ve exhausted all your options?

[Pryras]

5 years of trying different medications,
different types of therapy with different therapists, and inpatient treatment programs, and i haven't found any semblance of recovery….

What's next? I've tried pursuing hobbies. I've tried going out. I've tried giving it time. Nothing has fundamentally changed. What else is there?

 

[Sutter]

What else?

Another day and another unknown or not. Your effort looks incredible to me. Honestly not sure I will ever make it that far, but there is always another day until there isnt. Could very well be a torturous journey to a sleep long waited for, or perhaps if a calm moment can be found something rare in life might quietly step beside you.

Fate, luck, almighty in all the various forms, never created a crueler or more euphoric option than another day, or a final day.

Whatever the day becomes it will be yours.

 

[Pryras]

What else?

Another day and another unknown or not. Your effort looks incredible to me. Honestly not sure I will ever make it that far, but there is always another day until there isnt. Could very well be a torturous journey to a sleep long waited for, or perhaps if a calm moment can be found something rare in life might quietly step beside you.

Fate, luck, almighty in all the various forms, never created a crueler or more euphoric option than another day, or a final day.

Whatever the day becomes it will be yours.

Thank you, I've reluctantly tried pretty much everything. When your therapist doesn't work, you get another one. Then another one. Then you try different kinds of therapy and that doesn't help either. I feel like I'm floating and just existing. Existing so my mother doesn't suffer in her old age due to the trauma and stigma of suicide.

the days are going by much quicker though which is at least one positive.

 

[Sutter]

Thank you, I've reluctantly tried pretty much everything. When your therapist doesn't work, you get another one. Then another one. Then you try different kinds of therapy and that doesn't help either. I feel like I'm floating and just existing. Existing so my mother doesn't suffer in her old age due to the trauma and stigma of suicide.

the days are going by much quicker though which is at least one positive.

If it puts any part of you at ease, its the same result no matter the choice. Recently had a family member CTB. There is no stigma, mostly there is fear, fear where that person went to, fear where they are going, fear they have no control. All that fear manifests in alot of ways, some denial, some calling it weakness, for others it is anger or maybe even sorrow. Sorrow is fair, for them, for the deceased well only they can say and we will never know.

A life well lived, perhaps only needs a little caring, a bit of love, sprinkling of sorrow, smiles, and laughs. Quantity is not important, only quality.
If you find days keep coming maybe some of those are quietly coming your way.

Just a fox in the snow with a wet nose, may get better words yet.

 

[Regen]

Phew. I understand that. I had this feeling incredibly often. Tried so much and always end up with the same pain, the same darkness, the same joylessness.

Medication alone has never helped me. But they still make a clear difference. My current psychologist is great. It's about the seven one in my life. And even though it's great, it took me several years until I finally noticed an improvement. She does schema therapy (work with the inner child), which for me personally is by far the best procedure so far. My self-help group also really helped me. But only because there isn't a lot of complaining there.

I always think there has to be some damn point where you can get rid of this crappy depression. I always think there's something that just hasn't been researched yet and in 20 years you'll say, man, that's what happened and you can just fix it with this and that measure. Sometimes I feel my deepest inner core for a very, very short time and it is whole and bright. But I can't get to this core and I don't know why.

I really hope you find someone (or something) who can help you! It's a really tedious search sometimes. My current psychologist was a coincidence; I would never have chosen her myself.

Was helped me is the idea of Buddhismus. Life is suffering and you get the tasks you need to grow up to light.