What caused your depression?

[LookingforAnswers]

What caused your depression? Im fascinated in what makes the brain and people like this. It is interesting to me to see how different brains respond to different situations.

Mine was caused by career decisions followed immediately by relationship conflict. Too much stress on the brain all at once pushed me into a state of insomnia and depression. Hasnt stopped since

 

[fatefulstillness]

Not really depressed – not that consistently, not in a way most people would label it as such. Still horribly suicidal.

I am, however, deeply hurt. I feel more pain than I feel depressed. It's the result of being stuck in the wrong place for too long with people that made it worse without a chance to get out. Such is life.

I'm sorry you're struggling. I wish you the best.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

Not really depressed – not that consistently, not in a way most people would label it as such. Still horribly suicidal.

I am, however, deeply hurt. I feel more pain than I feel depressed. It's the result of being stuck in the wrong place for too long with people that made it worse without a chance to get out. Such is life.

I'm sorry you're struggling. I wish you the best.

Do you feel your situation can be remedied by lifestyle changes?

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

For me it has to do with the fact that I am unhappy with all parameters of my life. I had a hard time finishing my degree because it was such an incredibly difficult course. I managed to finish it in January of last year and decided to enter the job market in March. I was quickly disappointed because it didn't live up to my expectations at all. I worked long hours, was treated badly and started to lose my mental health. I completed one year at the company now in March and I put a medical leave because I couldn't take it anymore and I don't intend to go back. Meanwhile last year I was also unhappy because I was in a shitty relationship, which ended in May. I didn't even suffer with the ending because I was so fed up with it. In the meantime I tried to have something with 3 people but I was never reciprocated. With the last two I felt I was deceived for the purpose of having sex. The last one was especially hard for me and I'm still not even over it because it was practically a relationship in the short time we had it. I've started to realize that I have abandonment issues and I think it's because my father has always been absent and because my mother always been a shitty mother. I don't even talk to her anymore and I don't want to. All of this has led me to this major depression that I'm in. It's not the first one I've had, most of my life I've always been unhappy but I've never had it as bad as I am now. I spend the day in bed, I think about killing myself, I barely eat, I sleep badly and cry. I dream about this last person I had with and cry every time I think about the possibility of him being with other people. Life sucks.

 

[fatefulstillness]

Do you feel your situation can be remedied by lifestyle changes?

Not at all. I've been doing that for years now and I am as functional as therapists expected me to be. I seem normal. However, it's honestly not worth it, not for me. Thank you for asking.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I think I might have always been inclined towards depression. I was never overly happy or enjoyed life and in school I ended up alone quickly. Never learned to properly make friends which led all of school to be a nightmare plus added in I just hated myself and everything about myself and I was never good enough. Living like that was painful and I tried to get out but it didn't work, and I did still have things I enjoyed back then and felt emotions more normally.

Now forcing myself through more schooling I was never interested in and coming out of that to work is exhausting and hasn't helped. I've barely ever lived for myself, and I continue that so there's not much enjoyment to be had. When I do have free time, I've more recently lost interest in things and desire to do anything, so any reason for life has been further stripped. I'm numb often or tired or depressed and usually alone still. I've always been shy and probably anxious, but my anxiety is on higher levels than ever before now and hits every day. And I tried sometimes to make life worth living and it didn't work out and in one case left me with possibly irreparable trust issues and fear of abandonment, which can actually lead to me abandoning others before they get the chance to ditch me or else I just don't even bother with relationships. I don't have much ability to communicate anyways. All this further contributes to me hating myself and my mind is just painful.

Due to the event that caused me trust issues, I started abusing alcohol as a way to cope. I don't see myself ever becoming an alcoholic since it's so horrible to drink, but I never wanted to be that kind of person. Additionally, I think I'm forcing an eating disorder on myself since I either cannot eat and nothing appeals and just makes me sick, or I overeat. My memory also seems to be going which makes me feel like I'm just in a slow decay. My physical health can be questionable. This all adds to my poor mental health and I hate myself more.

I'm just so very exhausted of it all.

 

[Deformationalplagio]

Craniofacial deformity. Dont think i have to tell why something like this would make a person depressed.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I believe that being depressed is perfectly rational, as we live in a world with unlimited potential for suffering. I do not see myself as being mentally ill, I just see the world for what it is, an unfair, cruel place. I have simply come to the conclusion that my life is not worth living. I do not want to suffer for decades. I see life as being very pointless overall, and life does not interest me. There is nothing here for me in this world and I am not meant for this life. Everyday is so awful and miserable, all that I want is to sleep forever.

 

[Zebedee]

Poor life choices, I've pushed the closest people to me away and now I have nothing to look forward to except a life of loneliness and living on benefits.

 

[S like Siren]

A shitty family that passed on their shitty genes to me and that by not settling for just that...they also raised me very badly and very poorly both materially and emotionally and under all other aspects of life.Plus a bad environment in which I grew up,having a shitty family and a shitty upbringing were not miserable enough in fact.
Deep lonliness too,not a friend or someone that really cared about me or loved me...
Since i was a child i struggled with my aspect and my worth as a person,i always tought i was worthless and ugly and stupid because this was what my parents repeated me directly or indirectly since i was little,i think that genetically i'm a very sensitive person so every little bad thing affected me plus i think my parents never really loved me and you can feel it when you were not loved and accepted as a worthy person when you are little.
I was also mentally bullied at school.
I didn't find an escape from all this unfortunately, and then depression added with all the painful depressive crisis i went throught.
My God thinking about all these years full of pain makes me cry ... how is it possible that I have lived all these years so I don't know

 

[Anónimo]

Social axiety at a very young age, many mistakes years later, extreme anxiety attacks, low self-esteem and a relationship that couldn't work because of that, and my country isn't helping either. The traffic is hell, a shit ton of people here too. My only hope is that I can leave to Europe since I have citizenship (probably the only luck I've had) and change my life.

I'm not too depressed anymore, but still hanging around this site gives me comfort.

 

[OldDrummer]

For me, it wasn't environmental nor situational.

I've only had two major depressive episodes in my life, 27 and 50, both when I was at an apex in my career and finances.

I got over the first episode via a two year course of SSRI, the second I did on the 'natch.

They both landed like unrequested shit-sandwiches.

These were never the reasons I currently want to CTB. Other factors are at play now.

After experiencing depression, I can only describe it as being like a 'cancer of the soul'.

Nothing 'caused' my depression, it always reminds me of that Emily Dickinson poem about death. No one really wants to die, but sometimes, like depression, he comes-a-knocking on your door...

"Because I could not stop for Death—
He kindly stopped for me—
The Carriage held but just Ourselves—
And Immortality."

 

[LookingforAnswers]

For me, it wasn't environmental nor situational.

I've only had two major depressive episodes in my life, 27 and 50, both when I was at an apex in my career and finances.

I got over the first episode via a two year course of SSRI, the second I did on the 'natch.

They both landed like unrequested shit-sandwiches.

These were never the reasons I currently want to CTB. Other factors are at play now.

After experiencing depression, I can only describe it as being like a 'cancer of the soul'.

Nothing 'caused' my depression, it always reminds me of that Emily Dickinson poem about death. No one really wants to die, but sometimes, like depression, he comes-a-knocking on your door...

"Because I could not stop for Death—
He kindly stopped for me—
The Carriage held but just Ourselves—
And Immortality."

It is literally one of the worst things that an individual can experience

 

[S like Siren]

After experiencing depression, I can only describe it as being like a 'cancer of the soul'.

It is literally one of the worst things that an individual can experience

I'm totally agree

 

[UselessBeing]

What caused your depression? Im fascinated in what makes the brain and people like this. It is interesting to me to see how different brains respond to different situations.

Mine was caused by career decisions followed immediately by relationship conflict. Too much stress on the brain all at once pushed me into a state of insomnia and depression. Hasnt stopped since

I have been through a lot of truama, the start of it was being sexually abused at 5 (it was everyday until I turned 12) and started to find comfort in death by 7.

Life hasn't really calmed down at all. Been through a lot since all that and it's just never ending. Everytime I try to get better and pull myself out of the depression some other life altering event happens.

 

[S like Siren]

was being sexually abused at 5 (it was everyday until I turned 12)

Sexually abusing a child I think is one of the worst crimes ever .... it breaks my heart that there are children who have to suffer such horrific violence, it is monstrous

 

[Tristan]

Life, people, the fact that everyone is lost in their smartphones, and still disconnected from each other without even realizing.

 

[symphony]

I'm not convinced my depression has a clear cause at all. I've been suffering for so long, with some symptoms present from a very young age, and there seems to be no real "trigger". Maybe it's genetic, maybe something from early childhood fucked me up, I don't know.

 

[Tristan]

I'm not convinced my depression has a clear cause at all. I've been suffering for so long, with some symptoms present from a very young age, and there seems to be no real "trigger". Maybe it's genetic, maybe something from early childhood fucked me up, I don't know.

even from childhood I knew I was different too, relate to this in many ways, and hearing one doctor once saying there is not a cure for depression to another doctor made me lose hope.

 

[Ready2GoNow2022]

Growing up in a toxic household. Abuse in all forms from family and then the church. I turned to drugs and alcohol to cope. Now, as the song says "The Drugs don't Work". I've tried to numb for so long but can't get past the past.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm fairly confident I was born with borderline personality disorder, meaning like other people with problems I probably should have been treated carefully my whole life, instead I've been dealing with abuse and neglect since birth to this day.

 

[davidgeorge]

I'm not depressed but am suicidal

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Existing.

I mean I guess there were many specific events especially in recent years that further added onto my already existing depression but the root cause of it is something I don't care as much about these days though. I think I first noticed feelings of depression when my parents separated when I was 11 but even before then I was still miserable from their constant arguing. Maybe their divorce was when I realized that it was going to be very unlikely for me to ever have a good romantic relationship which is something I longed for even since I was a small child. I know divorce is very common and it doesn't doom every child to the same fate but I also know that at least for me, things always lean more towards the unlucky side of things meaning that if statistics show that kids of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced themselves, then you can bet I'm going to be on the short end of that stick.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

I'm not depressed but am suicidal

This is always interesting to me. Tell me more. My suicidal thoughts comes from not sleeping/not being able to enjoy life (i do things i used to get enjoyment from but dont now).

Where does the suicidal but not depressed come from? Is it a current situation?

 

[wayitis1945]

What caused your depression? Im fascinated in what makes the brain and people like this. It is interesting to me to see how different brains respond to different situations.

Mine was caused by career decisions followed immediately by relationship conflict. Too much stress on the brain all at once pushed me into a state of insomnia and depression. Hasnt stopped since

I understand you perfectly well. Mine was also caused by career decisions which effected my relationship and ultimately my breakup, with my partner. Was your experience exactly like mine?

 

[AnestheticVoid]

My mom not aborting me given the circumstances. No dad, poor, family of drug addicts, mental illness, cancer running in the family etc..

 

[LookingforAnswers]

I understand you perfectly well. Mine was also caused by career decisions which effected my relationship and ultimately my breakup, with my partner. Was your experience exactly like mine?

Career stress yes. Relationship actually didnt break up, still together but had a rough patch that sent me over the edge. Safe to say it is even rougher now that we are dealing w my depression

 

[Nevsky69]

My depression has been caused by the death of my partner. Unexpectedly and due to medical negligence. She was the person I have ever loved the most, who has loved me the most, and the best thing that ever happened to me. Now the days go by with despair and suffering and with an existential emptiness.

 

[Salvation_]

Myself. My parents. Mainly myself, lol.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I think I have a genetic predisposition to anxiety and depression. So that plus adverse childhood experiences + lack of security or comfort at home + puberty hormones lead to the perfect storm