Get revenge if an opportunity arises and it wont get you into further trouble, but don't let the idea of revenge consume you.
I planned revenge on my step dad one night. I was 14. We had suffered years of abuse from him and my mum had recently found the courage to get him kicked out. One problem was, the council rehomed him within 800 yards of our house which meant no order could be put on him to keep him out of the area.
We would hear him come round the house as we slept, probably always drunk he would try to get in. On one night in particular he had a ladder and was trying to get in through our bedroom windows. He kept hammering on them and then going round the front and banging on the door. I was laying in bed crying, I could hear my mum in her room crying with fear too. It felt like it wasn't going to stop. I wanted to get up and go to mum and hug her and tell her I would protect her but I was too scared. The banging and shouting got worse.
Not being able to take much more I decided I had to make sure he couldn't get to my mum. I slipped out of bed, opened the door to my bedroom and crept downstairs. I knew the exact floorboards that creaked. I learned which ones it was from sneaking downstairs to steal biscuits when everyone was asleep. I carefully hopped on the baord of the bannister, swung round the upright strut at teh top of the stairs and slid down to the bottom.
Creeping into the kitchen, I made the door creak and stopped dead, thinking it might more likely reveal to him that someone was up more than my mum. I couldn't hear anything going on at that moment so he could have been walking around from the back. I snuck into the kitchen and pulled the biggest kinife out of the drawer. I then crept along teh floo rback to the door and sat with my back against the wall, by the side of a cupboard. I can remember thinking I needed to stop crying as the tears were distorting my vision and I'll never be able to get him if I couldn't see. Sat there I heard him come back around the front. He began hammering on teh door again and I could hear my mums cries increasing in volume as she asked him to go away and leave us alone. I was sure that any moment he was going to break down the door and come inside. I was ready to plunge the knife into his chest and keep stabbing until he was surely dead and my mum would be safe. everything would be over and right again.
Next thing I knew, I woke up. Everywhere was silent. I tried to figure out f he was in the house for a moment before taking a peak and in the feint morning light I could see the front door intact. I quickly put the knife back in the draw and crept upstairs to bed. I made a floorboard creak on my way back so I turned back around and went to the bathroom, waited a moment then flushed the toilet and went to bed.
A couple of hours later I got up and looked into the back garden. It was a mess. Every plant had been uprooted. This devastated my mum because most of the plants were her mothers. When my nan died, she lived in another town. My mum had no transport. No will was ever found so her brothers and sisters treated it like a free for all and took everything they could from the house. My mum said it was ok because the furniture would perish but the plants would last forever. He knew how this would destroy her.
I vowed to get revenge on my step dad for those years of abuse. I once found out where he lived after I had grown up and I kept telling myself to just wait for him one night and either beat him up there and then or make him go to his flat and I'd treat him like he treated me. I thought I'd punch him, shout and tell him he'll never be a man, he walked like a girl and wasn't worth anything to anyone until he was earning a wage. The only thing that stopped me was I knew that could get me into trouble. He is probably dead now so I have to live with the thought that if he is, I hope he died alone. If not, I hope he is suffering from being alone because of the abuse he made us suffer.
I wasn't thinking about the revenge every day but I think at times the hatred got to me and stopped me doing things I should be doing So I don't think it was a good thing for me to keep thinking about, overall.
One day while at work the new starters were being introduced to the other warehouse staff. He was in the group. Everything came back for a moment. He tried to talk to me one day by figuring out when I would be alone. In his narcissistic manner he said "Don't you think it is about time you spoke to me again?", like I had caused him to suffer an injustice. Thankfully I was able to talk to a senior manger I got on with told him what an abuser, wife beater and alcoholic he was and he was managed out within weeks.
