meeks
Why hello there
- Jul 22, 2023
- 14
Suicidebydeath
No chances to be happy - dead inside
- Nov 25, 2021
- 3,559
Feeling lonely, hopeless and wanting to die. Some additional thoughts involving harm to myself and dying in terrible ways. I try to keep them to myself.
Disliking anyone trampling on my autonomy. Some other stuff I don't want to write about. Thoughts about family.
Disliking anyone trampling on my autonomy. Some other stuff I don't want to write about. Thoughts about family.
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pyroxenic
Wanting to Sleep for Eternity
- Feb 3, 2023
- 83
That my past and my past actions are going to "catch up" to me one day and that i will be socially punished in horrific ways. These intrusive thoughts are the most troublesome to deal with. Cant catch a break .
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Thoughts of being unattractive to girls, too weak, beta, not getting sex. Incidentally, I also fap to those same thoughts, maybe it's some sort of defense mechanism, so you don't take your suffering so serious, I don't know really.
Other problems that bother me even if I'm not worrying about other stuff is my mental health. Quite a lot of things are wrong with it and I was disabled by serious mental health issues (schizophrenia+drugs) in the past for long periods.
Sometimes i think - "just stop, stop thinking negative all the time and be hopeful for once. That would help immensely of course. But, let's say you're in an ugly relationship. And that's exactly why you feel negative, you're not a robot. And if you didn't, you wouldn't understand that your partner is actually not the person you need. This is just an example. Same thing with murder, how can you be positive about it... We think negative because life is both positive or negative of course.
One time i hit the bong and I was tripping more than I thought I would be. It was after recent break up with my ex and I felt like I lost her, love, purpose and meaning and so so alone in this life. Btw, she was a psycho bitch (and I was willfully ignoring all the signs and red flags for the first 2 years of the relationship) and I feel way better now that she's out, yeah.
Also, when i have a stimulant masturbation session, which average lasts maybe 13 hours or more. Real coomer, I know. On the comeup it feels too good, I can't complain, really
but towards the comedown and when you finally orgasm at the end. Immediately after climax my brain is flooded with overwhelming feelings of doubt, sadness, "it's all meaningless, it's all illusion, why do I even need this life?..". Of feeling sick of the sick porn I was watching as well a bit. Sober orgasm doesn't bring those feeling, at least not in that intensity, but with stimulants it happens every time.
Other problems that bother me even if I'm not worrying about other stuff is my mental health. Quite a lot of things are wrong with it and I was disabled by serious mental health issues (schizophrenia+drugs) in the past for long periods.
Sometimes i think - "just stop, stop thinking negative all the time and be hopeful for once. That would help immensely of course. But, let's say you're in an ugly relationship. And that's exactly why you feel negative, you're not a robot. And if you didn't, you wouldn't understand that your partner is actually not the person you need. This is just an example. Same thing with murder, how can you be positive about it... We think negative because life is both positive or negative of course.
One time i hit the bong and I was tripping more than I thought I would be. It was after recent break up with my ex and I felt like I lost her, love, purpose and meaning and so so alone in this life. Btw, she was a psycho bitch (and I was willfully ignoring all the signs and red flags for the first 2 years of the relationship) and I feel way better now that she's out, yeah.
Also, when i have a stimulant masturbation session, which average lasts maybe 13 hours or more. Real coomer, I know. On the comeup it feels too good, I can't complain, really
but towards the comedown and when you finally orgasm at the end. Immediately after climax my brain is flooded with overwhelming feelings of doubt, sadness, "it's all meaningless, it's all illusion, why do I even need this life?..". Of feeling sick of the sick porn I was watching as well a bit. Sober orgasm doesn't bring those feeling, at least not in that intensity, but with stimulants it happens every time.
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dogbreath
Youre not even in the hole, are you?
- Feb 13, 2023
- 118
usually its thoughts of harming those close to me. would never harm them or anyone at all but the thoughts just pop up when I least expect it :( wish I could tell my therapist about these thoughts cause I hate them but im scared of her like calling the cops or sending me to the hospital. its actually one of the reasons why I wanna ctb cause i feel like a horrible person.
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KowakuNaiNeko
Member
- Aug 5, 2023
- 66
Besides wanting to not exist
The idea that I wouldn't want to date myself so it's silly to look for someone else to date me. I'm not interested in putting in the effort to make myself marketable so I feel like I would just be a burden on another person (even discounting the possibility that I might not exist next year).
The idea that I wouldn't want to date myself so it's silly to look for someone else to date me. I'm not interested in putting in the effort to make myself marketable so I feel like I would just be a burden on another person (even discounting the possibility that I might not exist next year).
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Silent_cries
Too many flashbacks, can't take it anymore! Help!
- Aug 10, 2021
- 1,421
If do no t do my ritual s, put something in the wr ong place or touch/engage with something I should no t etc. x person will su ffer ho rribly, possibly be abu sed and have their mental health wor sened and it will be all my fa ult.
Belive it or no t, ocd is that bru tal. It is the absolute wo rst!
Belive it or no t, ocd is that bru tal. It is the absolute wo rst!
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It's called 'Magical Thinking". You can look up the different types of rituals involved with it to get a better idea.
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Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 21,157
My dark thoughts are the default. The intrusive thoughts I get are actually positive and usually relate to me recovering or helping myself become a better person. Usually I'm able to curb these thoughts by realizing the reality of my situation and the consequences of allowing myself to finally stop hating myself.
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willitpass
Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
- Mar 10, 2020
- 2,941
Some of the most horrific self harm thoughts you could imagine. Usually once the thought enters my mind it's hard to resist. The only one that I've been able to resist for years is the urge to cut myself and rub my own feces in it to hopefully cause sepsis. I've attempted to amputate limbs. Currently fighting the urge to slice my entire body as deep as I can. Also working on figuring out the best angle to venipuncture myself and draw as much blood as I can until I pass out. I often get the urge to walk into traffic, climb over the bridge, drive full speed into a concrete barrier.
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