sasu, youtube when i dont have the energy to read, smoking just to go outside for a few minutes every so often, drinking, eating and self harm. thats all i ever do, my whole day is just coping until i go to sleep again.
Sometimes I find distraction in cycling in the countryside or in composing music, even simple sketches, nothing serious. It can happen that, when I'm finished, I feel worse, because it all comes back to me with a vengeance. I try text with friends, too, but they have their own lives, and it doesn't last much.
For me it's just the fact that at least I'm able to sleep for some of my time spent trapped here, sleeping for me is the closest thing to being completely unaware of everything. I find it so tiring just being awake, existing is really unnecessary and dreadful but it would be worse if I was completely awake for 24 hours. But often sleep isn't always easy to achieve and it can be disturbed easily, so only true relief could ever exist in the state of permanent non-existence. Temporary sleep could never offer that much of a relief as long as the chance of waking is there.
food/I hate my cycles of binge eating, games, music, reviewing horror/gore and art house films, looking at old websites, reviewing cartoons/adult animation, having a cup of tea, cleaning and organizing stuff, sleeping
Food, movies/box sets I've seen lots of times before, music, YouTube, here.
Generally- it's things that feel nostalgic though. There were a couple of films I used to watch when I was a child when a (suspected) narcissistic family member used to be out. They were the only times I felt safe. When I'm REALLY struggling- I put those films on for that same sense of relief and safety. They're my 'everything is going to be all right' films.
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