Discussion What are you saddest about leaving behind?

[DyingToDie123]

I'm laying down next to my dog who's sleeping soundly. He is my everything and has stopped me from ctb'ing several times. One day I'm gonna have to get over it but it's going to be hard. He's only 4 so he's got more life ahead of him than I do.

 

[achb]

My knee-jerk reaction was my little sisters. But after moving out, I don't really worry about them much after I'm gone. The distance means it won't be as hard on them. My cat won't care tbh any more than he cares I moved out. He can't tell the difference. The rest of my family will be fine. My friends will be fine.

Weirdly enough it might be the kids I work with at my job I worry about most. I hope if I ctb they aren't told the truth. Maybe they'll get told I quit or smth. But if they do get told I died the littles would be so sad. And the teens are struggling enough as it is (being teens and all).

I don't think anything drastic will happen. They'll probably move on very quickly and forget all about it. But I probably worry more because I don't know and trust their support system like I do the support system of my little sisters (the rest of my family).

TLDR: I'd be saddest about the kids at my job.

 

[Division Day]

My dog is 14, so one of us would be leaving the other soon anyway. It would make it easier not to have to go through losing him.

It's hard for me to be too sad about leaving anything, as the reason I need to ctb also prevents me from actually enjoying and appreciating things like my family or whatever. I'm sad about having lost it all already.

 

[HollowDrop]

I plan to commit after my cat passes so what I'd actually be sad about leaving behind is my family. I want nothing but the best for all of them but I just can't keep doing this for their sake, I'm so tired and losing my sanity.

I sincerely hope you somehow find the strength to see your dog's life through as I can tell you dearly care for him and he most likely cares for you too, but I know when you're at your limit trying to go on is just too much.

 

[Engström]

I lived for my dog. He was my baby. I miss him so much, when he was stolen from me, that's truly when my physical health began to markedly decline. Exactly a month to the day after he was stolen, I was in the hospital - primary care thought I was having a stroke but it turned out to be my first cluster headache.

The pain was excruciating.

It's been downhill ever since.

I'll never know what happened to him - if my father killed him (he can be extremely violent), gave him away, abandoned him somewhere…

I got an email yesterday from the vet wishing my boy a happy birthday and I thought wait, my dog was born in June. So I called the vet and they said he hadn't been in since 2021 and that he had a heart condition.



2021 was the year he was stolen, and when my father told me quote, "jump off a fucking bridge".

I'll be saying my boys name when I go, as I go.

He was my heart.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

There are very few things that I would be sad about leaving behind.
Yet if I still had my rescue dog, then that would have been my biggest regret .
I love animals more than most humans.

 

[ABSOLUTION]

Man, I would have had an answer to this about a month ago.
I just don't really care for anything now, the only thing left to fight is SI which is getting easier as time goes on.
I guess the only thing I'm sad to leave behind now is the good memories of better days. I've written down summaries of them so I don't forget, and I will have a walk through them like flipping through a scrapbook sometime before I CTB.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I lived for my dog. He was my baby. I miss him so much, when he was stolen from me, that's truly when my physical health began to markedly decline. Exactly a month to the day after he was stolen, I was in the hospital - primary care thought I was having a stroke but it turned out to be my first cluster headache.

The pain was excruciating.

It's been downhill ever since.

I'll never know what happened to him - if my father killed him (he can be extremely violent), gave him away, abandoned him somewhere…

I got an email yesterday from the vet wishing my boy a happy birthday and I thought wait, my dog was born in June. So I called the vet and they said he hadn't been in since 2021 and that he had a heart condition.



2021 was the year he was stolen, and when my father told me quote, "jump off a fucking bridge".

I'll be saying my boys name when I go, as I go.

He was my heart.

That's dreadful what happened to you . Your Father sounds absolutely awful.
What kind of person steals someone's beloved pet ? It's an unforgivable thing to do.
Do these pet thieves not realise that pets are family, and that we can love them just as much as we love a person ?
So sorry this happened to you.

 

[Rhymester]

My dreams of being a poet.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I'm laying down next to my dog who's sleeping soundly. He is my everything and has stopped me from ctb'ing several times. One day I'm gonna have to get over it but it's going to be hard. He's only 4 so he's got more life ahead of him than I do.

There is literally nothing I have to be sad about leaving behind.

 

[obey_xi]

honestly if i didn't have my cat, i probably wouldn't be here. it feels wrong leaving him here with no one to care for him. he's the most kind and loving cat i've ever met. if something happened to him and i was actually all alone i dont know what i would do. i know it sounds stupid. but it's true.

 

[Engström]

That's dreadful what happened to you . Your Father sounds absolutely awful.
What kind of person steals someone's beloved pet ? It's an unforgivable thing to do.
Do these pet thieves not realise that pets are family, and that we can love them just as much as we love a person ?
So sorry this happened to you.

I really appreciate what you've said, and I thank you so much for your understanding and empathy.

I think I cried every single day/night the first year he was gone. I would kiss his picture goodnight…I'm getting all choked up now to even write this.

Yeah, I'm full blown crying.

My father, and I use the term loosely as he's really one of my tormentors along with my brother, he had brought my boy over to my new apartment and it was supposed to be a transition, I didn't want my boy to be stressed in a new environment, even if I was here with him all of the time. Oh how I regret making a deal the devil, aka my father.

Anyway - the day he was stolen, my father had dropped him off and asked me to give him a bath. I thought to myself, he doesn't like baths at all and never has - he gets scared of the noise and just does not like baths. So I didn't give him one, and he was fine anyway - he was a little boy, maybe 15 lbs.

When my father came to pick him up he became enraged to find out I hadn't bathed him and said with such disgust in his tone "You can't take care of him." and drove off. Oh how I regret ever letting him go. It's a punch in the stomach every time I relive that moment.

Some background on my father: he beat our mother when we were growing up and the night it went nuclear was when he broke her leg to the point bone was protruding.

My sister saved my life that night. She saved all of our lives really. If she hadn't grabbed me and ran over to the neighbors I think our father would've gone completely ballistic and killed us all.

When my sister tried to call 911 from the phone in the kitchen he ripped it from the wall.

But yeah, it's been a lot. I miss my boy every single day and yes, pets, animals are absolutely like family to me, to so many of us here.

If there's anything after I die, I hope I find my boy. I don't really believe there is, but I remember messaging with Vizzy about him and he said he'd be waiting for me with my boy and some mangoes

 

[Unattainable666]

Not a fucking thing

 

[an_alias]

Soundgarden. not even joking. Soundgarden will be dearly missed if I can't listen to them in my afterlife. Cornell's songwriting and voice have always been an oddly strong source of comfort for me. nobody else made me feel the way he did

 

[ApathyToLife]

All my characters in World of Warcraft, lol

 

[leavingsoon99]

After giving life a chance, I realized that I'm not leaving anything behind. I guess the players I created on Madden.

I'll never get to draft them and see them in their team uniforms.

 

[doneforlife]

There is nothing I shall be sad about leaving behind. Absolutely nothing.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Soundgarden. not even joking. Soundgarden will be dearly missed if I can't listen to them in my afterlife. Cornell's songwriting and voice have always been an oddly strong source of comfort for me. nobody else made me feel the way he did

Love soundgarden and also Alice in chains.

 

[voyager]

Engström, I'm so sorry. Can relate a little on the domestic issue, but then again not really, that's absolutely horrible.

Am glad so many people here love their pets! When our dog died more than a decade ago was reluctant to get another, because I could never leave them. Then in 2013 a little roamer (cat) came into our lives and moved in proper with us in early 2021. He died this summer. His last three days were sad, as was his life, but he was happy with us and made it to almost 19, so it's ok.

What am I sad about? Think leaving my mum behind, it's not a nice thought, but as others have said there's a limit to which one can go. Even if they don't understand.

Other than that, have lost most of my interests and things I can do, but I'd say my pc and media/games. It doesn't bring me the joy anymore that it used to but still like my movies, ambient clips and music, usually have something running in the background.

 

[JustABug]

Hot tea and my bed. The only two things that give me enough joy to stay, and will be hard to leave.

 

[Aim]

My fam

 

[IBM0000]

My fam

Exactly so. I feel so lucky to have an amazing family, but I know some of them are going through some really hard times right now. Unfortunately, some are because of me. They're both the ones I'll miss and the reason I'll ctb.

 

[meowzerwowzer33]

My cat! Nothing really gives me as much simple joy as he does. He's very loyal and affectionate to me, so if I did ctb I would make sure that he would be okay first.

 

[Division Day]

Soundgarden. not even joking. Soundgarden will be dearly missed if I can't listen to them in my afterlife. Cornell's songwriting and voice have always been an oddly strong source of comfort for me. nobody else made me feel the way he did

There's nothing dumb about that. I can't handle music unless it's super sedate rn and it sucks not to have the things that you love.

Not gonna lie, when it happened I listened to Say Hello 2 Heaven every day for quite a while and cried a bunch of those times.

 

[Boudika]

My dog

 

[Villager_37]

When i try to suicide (3 times) I always have an excuse to not to do it, just 2 days ago the thought that turned me off was "if i kill myself now, I couldn't play the newest games!" which is the spiderman 2 game and i bought it after trying to suicide, but i dont even enjoy it, the game is fine but i just dont feel joy or "into the story." but somehow i still think gaming is part of my life.

I used to enjoy gaming is solely because i have gaming pals to play or sometimes just to chat with, now they got jobs and school work. I could never be them, happy, funny, extrovert and feels "easy" in their minds

I always think about what will happen to them after i killed myself, how will they react. But what i want most after i killed myself is to devastate my mother, yet still keeping her alive, let the thought of me killing myself because of her never went away inside her mind, untill she dies

 

[gbi2]

Nothing. I've lost the ability to care about anything, to the point I can't understand why people are getting things in order before they go. I'm leaving behind me the mess people have put me in, they are going to have to sort it out. There are only a couple of people who I deal with on any kind of regular basis who haven't contributed to me feeling like I do. Employers, businesses, healthcare all fail to either keep appointments, or just LISTEN to what I'm saying and not think there are blanks they need to fill in to change the context of what I am saying. I can barely function with several health issues now and with each passing day all I see is everyone I deal with just messing up, or lying.

 

[FuneralCry]

Nothing, it comforts me the thought of permanently losing consciousness and being unable to suffer in this existence, eternal nothingness is all I see as desirable. I'd be glad to leave this existence and rest eternally, I see suicide as a positive thing as to me it's self care, it's suffering prevention as after all one cannot be harmed by not existing. I'd always see it as preferable to not exist, in my case only nothingness is perfection.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

Nothing

 

[BlazingBob]

Not a damn thing