What are you preparing before you ctb?

[Rustysoupcan]

I'm curious to know what others pre-ctb "to do" lists are. I'm uncertain of how I will prepare. I'm in debt (student loans and cat) and I'm not sure if I will try to pay them off before I go or let my family continue payments with my money. I'm also not sure what I will do with my stuff, if I will pack it up or leave my apartment how it is. I also have to start writing my letter, but I feel like anything I say isnt good enough.

But anyway, what will you do to prepare?

 

[RazzleDazzle]

Get rid of old notebooks, journals, etc. Wipe my phone and hard drive. Get rid of any sexy times stuff. I'd like to get my shit together more so I'm not leaving my messes for other people to clean up, but I'm not in great place right now, so that just is what it is.

My main stumbling block is that I don't have a will, and in my location a will needs to be signed in front of two people in order to be legal. The only people I could ask to do that are people who would realize what my intentions are. I *really* wish that I would have taken care of getting one before now.

 

[WatermelonMel]

Just gonna keep trying until I succeed. I tried preparing before, only to not go through with it due to SI and being left with hard drives wiped for no reason..

 

[Rustysoupcan]

Just gonna keep trying until I succeed. I tried preparing before, only to not go through with it due to SI and being left with hard drives wiped for no reason..

This is part of why I dont want to prepare too much. I already have a couple of failed attempts under my belt so I wouldnt be surprised if I fail again. I want to pay off my debt so my family does not have to deal with that, but in a failed attempt I dont want to be left with no money.

 

[nerve]

Physical possessions are simple to deal with but virtual stuff not so much! I have to wipe all my hard drives & phones & delete my Google account and it's like God I hope this goes as planned and I die because I have some really rare Sims 4 mods & like five years worth of fanfiction WIPs that I can't have anyone ever see but would definitely miss if I survive lol.

And these seem like such silly things to think about when you're going to kill yourself!! But idk considering random, inconsequential shit like this helps me feel like I'm really thinking this through. Looking at ctbing from all angles and making sure it's what I really want.

 

[Akerblad]

nothing, i just give a fuck, i don't have any that i want to do, i give a fuck the others

 

[RazzleDazzle]

Physical possessions are simple to deal with but virtual stuff not so much! I have to wipe all my hard drives & phones & delete my Google account and it's like God I hope this goes as planned and I die because I have some really rare Sims 4 mods & like five years worth of fanfiction WIPs that I can't have anyone ever see but would definitely miss if I survive lol.

It seems to me like that's stuff that could be saved on a USB and tucked into something that someone else would throw away. Like, I dunno, wrap it in a plastic baggie and bury it in a box of cereal or something.

Although yes, it's definitely worth taking time to consider if this is what you really want. I knew this week when I realized that I was ready to just throw a bunch of shit away that it's time.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have a lot of items, and ideally I would want to get rid of them before ctb, but I'm not sure if I will be able to do that. That type of task also requires energy that I do not have. I do plan to write notes. To me, a note is important as it will be a form of closure for those left behind. There isn't much for me to do really and I guess it doesn't really matter as I will no longer be existing.

 

[This_sux ✓]

I will definitely encrypt my disk partitions and change the password for most used accounts. I don't have any valuable physical things. Death notes are fine, but in my case it would be seen as self humiliation.

When I will CTB there won't be any "let me do X before I die" moment.

 

[patheticpartner]

I wish you good luck in sorting out all the loose ends. The closer I am to ctb, the less it all matters to me. I might write letters just in case they'd help my loved ones obtain closure. I'll also delete anything of mine that may misconstrue my suicide as preventable, impulsive, or someone else's fault, and I'll throw away my physical belongings.

 

[Chockles]

To write a note about my physical struggles. People assume suicides are all mental health related. Annoys me. Shouldn't matter if I'm dead I guess but whilst alive makes it harder to attempt suicide.

Want to leave my money to charities.
Want to die where my body will be found to give my elderly parents peace but I fear I won't be able to die at home & I'm too disabled to get out much.

 

[dreamlessnight]

I keep selling stuff and donating left and right. If I survive, that's extra money or space at home, if I kick the bucket, that's less crap to sort through. It feels nice to let go of old junk, wish it worked for other things.

 

[ItsTimeToExit]

I want to pay off my debt so my family does not have to deal with that,

In general debt is not inherited. Your family will not be required to pony up the cash to pay your debts unless they've signed some papers tying themselves to the debt.

Your estate will be used to pay the debt and if your estate is worth $10 then that's what is used to pay the debt.

Your debt dies with you.

 

[StevieNixs]

I'm curious to know what others pre-ctb "to do" lists are. I'm uncertain of how I will prepare. I'm in debt (student loans and cat) and I'm not sure if I will try to pay them off before I go or let my family continue payments with my money. I'm also not sure what I will do with my stuff, if I will pack it up or leave my apartment how it is. I also have to start writing my letter, but I feel like anything I say isnt good enough.

But anyway, what will you do to prepare?

God I'm doing so much it is beginning to get me down ... a lot. It is too much to deal with when quite honestly I want to be gone. I wake up every single day and have to resist the urge not to go because I feel a deep responsibility for not burdening my family - especially my mother. Today was the hardest, I thought f*** it, I cannot do this anymore. I have to be gone. Screw the house, the bills, everything. Instead, I sat in my car crying... So I'm ...
-Packing up my house - donating to charity, throwing stuff away at the local tip, giving stuff away, a major charity is going to collect my large furniture and white goods after I'm gone (they think I am "moving to another country")
-Written 22 letters to all of the companies I have dealings with -gas, electricity, water, council tax, banks, credit card, etc etc - blah, blah, telling them I'm dead and to close my accounts. Managed to get letters of authority for some of the companies so my mother is down on my account to deal with closing the accounts in case they play hard ball. Quoted the law which states that no one else is responsible for any possible debts after death unless they are a joint account holder or guarantor. The only outstanding debt will be my credit card. I don't care.
- Contacted and made full preparations for my cat to be cared for
- Got my funeral plan bought about four years ago
- Sorted out which funeral director
- Selling other stuff at the moment as I want to give the money to my Aunt in Canada
- Booked the hotel room
- Cancelled subscriptions and some direct debits. I need to keep others running for the moment like my car insurance.
- Got all of my meds - but in a state of panic believing the sN I bought might not be genuine (it probably is) I bought another lot from the same website but from a different seller. I'm awaiting this.
- Wrote letter to my mother
- Bought birthday and Christmas cards for the next three years for my mother and brother.
Dunno - think that's it.

It's hard. I'm really struggling. It is taking me so long as I am in a bad way every day. It is an effort to dress let alone pack up this house. Then having to engage with charities and the like - it is just difficult. I have zero problem letting go of my possessions but the effort it takes to sort this out is soul destroying. I am mentally unwell but having to fight through this in order to sort out my affairs.

 

[Deadlyroses]

Clean my living space from top to bottom and pack everything in organized boxes. Like I'm moving out. In the aftermath, my possessions can easily be moved or stored or discarded. My family won't have to worry about the process of going through my things to organize and clean up after me. They can just do whatever they want with the boxes. I will do the same with my car- take all of my possessions out of it and leave it for my family to keep or sell or whatever they want to do. I'll back up memorable photos and videos from my laptop onto a memory device and label it. I will then wipe all of my devices and leave them like they're brand new. At the ctb site itself- I'll lock myself in a bathroom in case I vomit so that I don't leave a mess. My method is SN and there's always that risk. Nobody wants to scrub a dead woman's vomit from a couch or bed or carpet. Better to flush it away and keep everything contained in the bathroom. I'll also post a note on the door alerting whoever finds me. That way nobody has to unknowingly stumble across my corpse. I really don't care if I'm burned or buried, don't care about funeral plans either. I don't believe in an afterlife and the rituals/traditions that go into those things mean nothing to me.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

In general debt is not inherited. Your family will not be required to pony up the cash to pay your debts unless they've signed some papers tying themselves to the debt.

Your estate will be used to pay the debt and if your estate is worth $10 then that's what is used to pay the debt.

Your debt dies with you.

Even car loans? And thank you, I forgot that federal student loans die with you. I definitely would have paid it off if I didn't remember or realize. And I don't have an estate, I'm renting an apartment. Do you happen to know anything about how renting goes when the person dies? Like will my family have to pay the rest of the lease, or does the lease end?

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I plan to write a note to try to ease my family's pain, it is the least I can do for their sake. Also I might want to help older brother pay off his mortgage.

 

[lobster salad]

But anyway, what will you do to prepare?

I'm currently in the process of selling, throwing away and giving away all my stuffs. Once I'm finished it's ctb time. I wouldn't burn everything because that'll hurt too much for me id rather someone more deserving gets hold of my stuff plus that extra money is always good to get drunk or repair stuff. :)

 

[Chikitawita]

Get rid of old notebooks, journals, etc. Wipe my phone and hard drive. Get rid of any sexy times stuff. I'd like to get my shit together more so I'm not leaving my messes for other people to clean up, but I'm not in great place right now, so that just is what it is.

My main stumbling block is that I don't have a will, and in my location a will needs to be signed in front of two people in order to be legal. The only people I could ask to do that are people who would realize what my intentions are. I *really* wish that I would have taken care of getting one before now.

Can I ask why you would delete all your things and journals, etc?

God I'm doing so much it is beginning to get me down ... a lot. It is too much to deal with when quite honestly I want to be gone. I wake up every single day and have to resist the urge not to go because I feel a deep responsibility for not burdening my family - especially my mother. Today was the hardest, I thought f*** it, I cannot do this anymore. I have to be gone. Screw the house, the bills, everything. Instead, I sat in my car crying... So I'm ...
-Packing up my house - donating to charity, throwing stuff away at the local tip, giving stuff away, a major charity is going to collect my large furniture and white goods after I'm gone (they think I am "moving to another country")
-Written 22 letters to all of the companies I have dealings with -gas, electricity, water, council tax, banks, credit card, etc etc - blah, blah, telling them I'm dead and to close my accounts. Managed to get letters of authority for some of the companies so my mother is down on my account to deal with closing the accounts in case they play hard ball. Quoted the law which states that no one else is responsible for any possible debts after death unless they are a joint account holder or guarantor. The only outstanding debt will be my credit card. I don't care.
- Contacted and made full preparations for my cat to be cared for
- Got my funeral plan bought about four years ago
- Sorted out which funeral director
- Selling other stuff at the moment as I want to give the money to my Aunt in Canada
- Booked the hotel room
- Cancelled subscriptions and some direct debits. I need to keep others running for the moment like my car insurance.
- Got all of my meds - but in a state of panic believing the sN I bought might not be genuine (it probably is) I bought another lot from the same website but from a different seller. I'm awaiting this.
- Wrote letter to my mother
- Bought birthday and Christmas cards for the next three years for my mother and brother.
Dunno - think that's it.

It's hard. I'm really struggling. It is taking me so long as I am in a bad way every day. It is an effort to dress let alone pack up this house. Then having to engage with charities and the like - it is just difficult. I have zero problem letting go of my possessions but the effort it takes to sort this out is soul destroying. I am mentally unwell but having to fight through this in order to sort out my affairs.

I like this

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I have a checklist of shows/movies/games I need to finish first before I even think of going. Besides that, I also need to go about wiping my browsing history or any embarrassing items from my room, finishing my suicide note, and potentially setting up a will if that's feasible.

Even after all that I'd also have to scout out exactly where I intend to take my SN. A hotel seems too crowded and has potential for me to be saved so ideally I'd like it to be somewhere outside far away from people.