What are you doing, recovery or catching the bus?

[DarknessWave]

I haven't fully decided but I am leaning more into the recovery side.

 

[daysnumbered]

A little bit of both depending on my mood.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

I resigned myself to being an inevitable suicide case many years ago

 

[twilightSparriw]

I can't bring the motivation, belief & energy to the table to commit to 'a long revery trajectory step by step… babysteps'… i'm just too broken for that…

 

[areyousafe??]

Ctb for me. It's been a long road and I don't see the point of continuing along.

 

[Namelesa]

Its a bit complicated. Seen as I literally can't access any effective methods at the moment as I am trapped, I can't ctb. I wouldn't say I am trying to recover currently either but trying just trying to manage my life so I don't become mentally worse and see if I can escape my situation in which then I would be able to make choices to do either recovery or suicide. If I see a reason to continue my suffering for others and its somewhat tolerable when I can make that choice (my game development, relationship or helping others on SaSu) then I will try to recover so I can ore easily provide what I can to others but at some point I will still kill myself as that's ultimately what I want as life to me is too long for how repetitive it is. Basically if possible I choose both.

 

[wham311]

Desperately trying to find a way out

 

[Fabled Oblivion]

Recovery indicates a problem and the need to heal from it I can't commit to such a thing as the problem is life itself and the only alternative is death but I choose not to commit to it due to having a mental breakdown and being unable to do anything when I get serious about it

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

It depends on the day, usually it's between ctb and not sure. Today I'm not sure yet, the day has only started, and I see a glimmer of hope. Day at a time. Either way, each day, I promise myself that I will acquire SN as soon as I have the means to do so.

 

[tercermundista]

Like everything in my life, I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I'm in limbo still. CTB date keeps getting pushed back, but there's no "recovery" in my future. I don't enjoy anything about life and I think it's too late to turn things around. Even though I'd probably say it's never too late for others, I feel like it definitely is for me. Even if antidepressants magically worked I'd still have wasted 15+ years of life so am massively behind. Can't really explain those years away that were lost to depression if I suddenly got a life.

I'm not as suicidal as I was when I first came here after a bereavement, but am more passively suicidal again. I'm planning it and working towards it so I can feel in control of my life and death and have a way out should I need it. I'm one step closer as I actually have SN now so it's just a matter of waiting for something to push me over the edge I guess.

 

[tiredoflife2]

I can't ctb yet, but I'm tempted to get my method prepared and ready for when I can finally exit this hell existence.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I'm in recovery for now, but after my parents die, I can't make any promises.

 

[Hollowman]

The only way recovery would be possible is if I had access to a time machine.

 

[FrownyFace]

I'm stuck in the middle. I dropped out of therapy because I felt humiliated but I'm too scared to end things. So I guess I'm just existing miserably and hoping one day I'll be brave.

 

[LimpandNumb]

Today I am here to exist.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I'm not doing either. I'm living day by day in pain, doing nothing to improve myself or prepare for the future. But I'm also too exhausted to figure out all the details to ctb. I don't know how much longer this can last, so when something tips me over the edge I will figure out my death.

 

[getoutgirl]

I'd like to say recovery. Right now at least. I joined a week ago fully convinced I was leaving soon and needed help with the how. I still have those nights often.
I think wanting to die and wanting to live both require obscuring certain truths to yourself. That you'll miss precious things and that you'll endure inmense and otherwise unwanted pain, respectively, and among many others. I'm trying to numb myself on the latter If I can, for now. Let's see how far I get.

 

[ilvgore]

both, i dont want to make my life more miserable just because i want to die.
i will live my life to the fullest, better myself and then i will die.

 

[Melly]

Trying to recover, I don't want to cause my loved ones grief and they care for me in exchange for me staying alive, I've got about a dozen people rooting for me. I wouldn't be able to do this without them, makes it easier to hang in there. Sometimes I wish they would let me go, but I know I wouldn't be able to cope if they died either, how hypocritical.

I'm not sure how to recover though, I've been suicidal my whole life and can barely relate to normal people. Just trying to stay alive and be okay with that for now. I think I'm doing an alright job, I'm probably alive as I'm typing this haha

 

[Archamais]

I just want out, ive wished i was dead everyday for well over half my life. Im so done, i hate it here and i feel so hollow. I need help, i dont want it to hurt, my life has hurt enough. I have nothing to live for which will make it easier but i dont want to fail again.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm just waiting to cease existing and that's all that existence is to me, it's just futile unnecessary suffering all for the sake of it with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, I just find it the most terrible tragedy how this existence was even imposed at all, to me existence is always the problem, I see existence as an abomination that just causes harm and suffering and as long as I exist I'll only hope to never suffer ever again. For me non-existence truly is the only peace and relief from this cruel existence I just never would had chosen and I suffer so much from how I cannot just have a death like never waking ever again, I only hope for peace, I only hope to never suffer ever again, I'll always see it as so dreadful to be burdened with this existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for, I always find it so undesirable to exist and I've never had any interest in any of this.

 

[lostintheraincirce]

Ctb but in September/october.

 

[slinkey10]

I haven't fully decided but I am leaning more into the recovery side.

both. There should have been an option for both!
As others have said im also 50/50 & im also doing both. Therpay & meds & also consantly thinking about how to just ctb...

 

[divinemistress36]

Trying to recover more so I can plan my ctb

 

[ellipse]

Ctb. I've had enough.

 

[slightoverlooked]

I have SN i could technically ctb any day. but i want to wait till im 25...hopefully find a partner and try to recover. for now im just an emotional impulsive mess who might ctb before turning 25

 

[mattoman]

Kinda inbetween CTB and recovering. If I get a terminal illness and die, or if I die by accident, then I die. But I'm not trying actively commit suicide.

 

[Skiz0]

ctb definitely, I've lived long enough to know that life doesn't get better for people like me. I'm just taking my time to arrange things so I can go with dignity.

 

[JamesMoonDerWater]

Today I am here to exist.

Those are very powerfull words. I feel bad cus i dont even know how i should interpret them...