What are u doing with your life?

[Final Escape]

Some guy asked me this but it was in that tone, where they can see u are throwing your life away. Then I respond with that I'm mentally ill, this is the best it's gonna get for me in current times. It's literally surviving, and occasional small bites of pleasure or meaning. It's funny when people ask u questions like this because it shows how radically different their life is compared to yours. The whole just pull yourself up by the bootstraps anyone can do it lol!

 

[mattwitt]

I'm not doing anything special with my life. Never have. Never will. Every time I try It turns into a monumental failure that makes my life worse. All I'm doing is surviving myself and I don't have much energy left for even that.

 

[Final Escape]

Matt I guess it's fate, u will be my ctb partner lol! Jus kiddin!

 

[Soul]

Living it, until I'm not.
That's what we're all doing x

 

[Pepper]

I honestly don't know anymore????? ahahahahaha. It's the same crap, different day. I'm basically a home health aide (or might as well say slave) to a 59 year old who has had numerous strokes, is a diabetic and is emotionally abusive. My mother doesn't give a rat's butt anymore about him, and what also feels like me, but will bend over backwards for her other daughter (half-sister) who is a gigantic piece of crap, and her grandchildren. Then I've got a relationship with a 30 year old who is defiant, doesn't want to do anything with his life, while I'm trying to help improve myself both mentally and physically. Nothing but toxicity all around.

 

[Mr2005]

Not much. Living in the past and stringing my girlfriend along whilst obsessing over a playlist.

 

[Nem]

I'm just existing is the best way to put it. Should've ended things already and a close friend is begging me to keep going. This is pathetic
Peace/hugs

 

[Bagger]

Im throwing it all away constantly, i voluntarily sabotage my life every day.

 

[puppy9]

Constantly finding ways to sabotage my life. I don't know why I am doing so?

 

[Lil_Intro_Vert]

Just trying to go through the motions, finish high school and go to college and all that shit until I can't deal with myself anymore. I have a career goal that I feel people when they ask but I don't know what I'm truly passionate about anymore

 

[BlueWidow]

Let's see. . . I'm planning out my suicide and vacillating between when I want to do it and how I want to leave things when I'm gone.

Oh, and right now I'm also desperately attempting to avoid being dragged out to Christmas events. I'm not even allowed to participate (or not participate) in Christmas the way I want to without people trying to insert themselves into my plans whether I want them there or not!

This also reminds me of when I go to the doctor and he always asks me in a very arrogant and condescending tone what it is that I do all day. . . like it's his business or something.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

People who ask this question always do it in a condescending way. Like their life is so much better then yours. But they go home and analyze their life situations just like anyone else.

Not everyone has to live some big extraordinary life. Simple life existence has sufficed for me up to this point. I might have plans to end it all one day but so do the rich and famous.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Wasting away...just existing for the pure sake of existing. That is literally all I do now. When I used to work I hated it when people asked me what I'm doing and where I see myself in the future.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I've been doing everything on autopilot for a long time. I am still in college so I'm doing something to have a secure financial future in case I fail to ctb. The rest of the day I cry in bed and browse the internet.

 

[Scarlett00]

Working to pay rent in a house I don't even live in. Going to live like this until July next year when my contract ends but I doubt I'll make it that far. Spend my entire life broke, in CMHT meetings and completely numbed out on medication. That's life I guess

 

[Moonicide]

When people ask me what I'm doing with my life or what I'm doing for a living, I get so triggered... Because I do absolutely nothing. I feel so useless and so hopeless. Absolutely worthless, like pure garbage. Like I have nothing to offer. I used to say that I'm simply working on my mental health, but no one understands that. Asking how do I live, income, etc. Well, I'm on disability and living on food stamps because I'm severely mentally ill (aka crazy as fuck), sorry to tell you.

 

[LonelyLight]

Nothing much, and only a couple more days to do it.

 

[Kaczka86]

My grandmother is in similar situation. Grandfather had cancer around 2 years ago and is still affected by past surgeries, taking meds, etc. It's heartbreaking to everyday see how he treats her. She does everything for him but he still is capable of calling her names because she did one little mistake. Sometimes I really want to fucking strangle him with pillow or something.

Hope the best for you @Pepper ! Please, remember that it's not your fault. People are just shitty in general.

I honestly don't know anymore????? ahahahahaha. It's the same crap, different day. I'm basically a home health aide (or might as well say slave) to a 59 year old who has had numerous strokes, is a diabetic and is emotionally abusive.

And about me, well... I somehow managed to almost finish school...but now I have to start a "new life" which is adulthood (if something like this even exist). I'm terrified and every day is even more stressfull. I literally have nothing I like, nothing I want to do in the future. Everyone around me pressure me to go to the university...but what major? Also, having this thought of pointlessness of life in your head is not helping.

 

[pole]

wasting it away with the help of sadness.

 

[Numbtopain97]

Worrying about everything.

Then reflecting on the time I wasted worrying about everything instead of doing something about it.

 

[ReverendGreen]

I don't think anyone really knows what they're doing with their life.
Everyone I've ever met is unsatisfied and wishes they were in some other position.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Ugh, the worst question to be asked especially like that.

I'm doing the bare minimum to survive a and kinda just giving into to most impulse bc otherwise i really dont do anything at all with life.

At one point i want to be able to just autopilot through certain things but also i really just can't find the care anymore so.

Im going through the motions hoping to change things. (Mostly through CTB)

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Completely fucking it up!

 

[Cupcake]

When people ask me what I'm doing with my life or what I'm doing for a living, I get so triggered... Because I do absolutely nothing. I feel so useless and so hopeless. Absolutely worthless, like pure garbage. Like I have nothing to offer. I used to say that I'm simply working on my mental health, but no one understands that. Asking how do I live, income, etc. Well, I'm on disability and living on food stamps because I'm severely mentally ill (aka crazy as fuck), sorry to tell you.

Oh, I can relate to your post so much. I, too, do absolutely nothing and feel so useless, but I know I can't work and, even if I could, I don't want to. People stress me the hell out, and I hate having commitments. Commitments make me feel severely anxious, to the point of suffering with panic attacks at times, so I rarely even make plans with my friends because I just can't cope. My sleep schedule is pretty fucked up too, and if I know I have a commitment the next day, I usually spend the whole night tossing and turning, afraid I'll miss my alarm clock. Then I feel like shit the next day, and the whole day is usually a crap shoot. I mostly do things, like outings on the fly. When people ask me what I do, I make up lies to make myself seem productive. I am too embarrassed and hate myself too much to tell them the truth, that I mostly sit at home and listen to music and think about suicide and eat and read books and ride the waves of my severe mood swings. I feel if people really knew what I did all day, which is nothing, they would hate me, too, and it's hard enough hating myself, but having everyone else hate me, too, is just unfathomable for me. For instance, I haven't seen my mom or her side of the fam for five years now. They think I have a job and that I am on meds and am getting help for my bipolar disorder and that I am actively caring for my kids, but the truth of it is, I'm doing none of those things. Still, I never feel I can be honest with them, so I just lie so they think I'm living a "normal" and "happy" life. If they knew different, they would only worry and make me feel even more useless than I already do. They would make me dispise myself more than I already do. So I just tell them whatever they want to hear. I never mention suicide anymore, nor do I tell them the extent of my suffering. Not even my partner knows the full extent of it. He, too, thinks I get extra money by dog sitting because we don't live together, but in actuality, the extra money I receive is from my mom to help out a bit. Even some of my friends who I see regularly think I have a job, but I lie because I feel like such a horrible person that my partner is stuck caring for the kids full-time while I basically waste away and do nothing. I hope I get the courage to catch the bus soon. My life is no life to live and I really don't want to be here anymore. I wish my fears about dying and a possible afterlife would go away. I feel my suicide is inevitable, that hthe only thing holding me back right now is my fear. If the fear was somehow illeminated, I'd be a goner for sure, and I'd finally quit wasting resources, such as public hud housing, food stamps, social security, etc. I see so many homeless people roaming the streets or sitting in parks smoking pot, and I think to myself, I wish I could just get the courage to end it already. Someone somewhere in this group of suffering souls would have an open apartment to call theirs if I wasn't here. And someone else would have a month's worth of meals from food stamps if I wasn't here. And social security would be eleven hundred plus dollars less broke if I wasn't wasting it all away. I should just leave, I'm so worthless, there's no point in me existing, I have no purpose. But still here I remain, gathering up my courage to leave.

 

[mathieu]

I'm just trying to get through the day, perpetually.