Discussion What are the biggest sources of suicide-fuel for you?

[peace_van]

• No hope of getting a decent job in two months. I have set a deadline for myself (this Christmas).
• The chat window with my ex. The break-up hurts so much.
• Fear that my parents and relatives know me being a gay and push me to marriage with a girl.
• I cannot maintain healthy connections with the world. I'm always the marginalized.
• I cannot practice the lifestyle I like. Being a vegan, a Buddist... Connections with other people suck in my country- they will judge you. I cannot survive such mental torture.
• Disappointment with humanity. Being pessimistic about human future- war, climate crisis...

 

[cryvinglightning]

i have a combo of bpd and autism. it takes nothing for me to feel alienated from family and friends, which in turn fuels my suicidal thoughts. i cannot stand being ignored, talked over, and there's a thing my brother does where he talks to me like i'm a moron when i express an opinion he doesn't agree with and/or criticizes anything i do for him. whenever he uses a specific tone of voice or complains about anything i did, i immediately start picturing my suicide. it's the smallest things that send me over the edge.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence in general, I only wish for the peace of nothingness, I'm not meant for existing and it fills me with so much dread the thought of being trapped here for much longer. I will always see it as preferable to die than to suffer in this existence, there is nothing desirable about this torturous and futile process of waiting around to die.

Just the fact that there is no straightforward way to die in peace is just so horrible and hopeless. I despise being burdened with the ability to exist in this hellish, prison like world where we are expected to suffer no matter what with no limit as to how much we can suffer. I just wish I stayed peacefully unaware of the curse that is existence but of course it wasn't my choice to exist here.

 

[achb]

I don't know. I feel like everything is going well in my life. And I don't have a bad family or past. But I just don't want to be here. I could be in the middle of the best day and still want to end it all.

It seems so unfair that I have this good life that I can't be satisfied with for some reason while other people are suffering, when all they need is the kind of life I have. I would give it to someone if I could.

I don't want to die. I just don't want to live. Why can't I want to live? I wish there was a pill or a button or something that would just get rid of this fucking cloud that sits over everything I do or think and makes life so unbearable. Why is everything so horrible. Why can't I be happy?

 

[passivethought121]

• Gender dysphoria. And being trans in a grey area where people are generally accepting but the individual dislikes people like me.
• Someone's tone. I'm stupidly sensitive and someone's tone can make me think "They hate being around you and they'd prefer if you were gone." Even if they're just tired.
• Most food. Guilt makes me hate living.
• Learning too late (months later) that I was acting weird in a social setting and nobody told me. I know people don't have to correct me but it hurts knowing that they'd rather stand there and silently profile me as the weird odd person to only encounter if necessary. And it's every other day where I realize months ago I was being weird, and I'll probably keep making mistakes.

 

[Kokonoe]

Lots of things.
General incompetence and uselessness. I can't really take good care of myself, I almost always need help from others in some form or another, I can't work, I'm terrible at everything I do despite my efforts, and so on. I can't handle basic tasks or any of the responsibilities of life.
Extreme social anxiety. I'm terrified of other people and having to interact with them, and it's too much for me to handle. Anything social at all is too much for me really. I have no social skills and ruin any relationship I have with anyone. I'm terrible. And my social anxiety extends to just being terrified of the outside world in general. I am quite honestly way too scared to go out by myself. I always feel so out of place and lost. It's too stressful. And I've had really scary experiences in the past like being harrased late at night by someone who very clearly was on too many hard drugs. I think the only reason nothing too bad happened then is because my boyfriend was with me and he got that guy to focus on him instead. I was so scared. Shit like that is why I don't want to go out alone anymore.
Chronic pain and nasuea. It has really worn me down over the years and knowing it'll never go away really gets to me.
Gender dysphoria and unrealistic transition goals that I am unfortunately too attached to to separate myself from. This stuff brings me so much pain every day and it's been like this for years now. I can't take it anymore. It hurts so much.
Depression and anxiety. I'm always scared, paranoid, and on the verge of a panic attack. I hate it. And I'm always so negative and can't control my emotions well, and get in my own head too much. I'm just an awful and toxic person to be around because of it. I hate it and wish I could change it. But I can't.
Life has nothing to offer me and I hate everything about it. Like, even the most basic things. I hate eating and can only sometimes barely force myself to do it. It's near impossible for me to get any sleep and I hate it. I hate being able to feel because something is always wrong with my body. I hate having emotions. I hate being able to think. I don't want any of it. And on top of that, I don't have anything I want to do with my life. Nothing interests me. There's no point in living. I have no goals to work towards. Nothing to live for. No reason to keep going.
Past traumas that still get to me. Parents did a lot of shit to me growing up and the effects of that aren't going away. I was also raped as a kid. So both of those things still hurt me a lot. And I tend to suddenly cry and break down fairly often during sex because of those memories getting triggered, which is so embarrassing and pathetic. Just feels awful. Makes me hate myself more. Can't enjoy anything without things like that creeping back in somehow.
I'm just so sick of all of this. I can't take it anymore. I can't. Everyday that I wake up is hell. Each day I continue to live is just a mistake because all that does is cause me to suffer more. I want to die. I really want to die. I want to escape all of this.

 

[Manfrotto99]

failure to achieve any milestones in life-
No children
No marriage
No home
No career

The overwhelming shame of being constantly reminded of having tried, yet failing at everything meaningful in life

 

[Nlis2244]

Extreme loneliness on one side, and not wanting to live another minute in this shitty cruel world on the other.

 

[dizzdesi]

I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, and major depression. I think all three kick my ass to the point that I'm gonna ctb..I'd say they're the main reasons

 

[Quiet_Cricket]

Basically, what aspects of your life fuel your suicidal feelings the most? For me it would likely be general incompetence and seeing practically everyone else in life doing better than me. Media also fuels it from time to time.

Never achieving anything, watch others move on while I'm left behind. General acceptance that I'm not going to have a happy life.

 

[lostbattle]

gender dysforia, family doesn't accept me, fear of trasphobia, lonelyness, lack of motivation to do literally anything, and I'm tired

 

[LonelyStarrySky]

I have lost friends who have meant the world to me. All to unknown reasons of them simply blocking me or ghosting me without an explanation as to what I have done wrong. I've had enough of being treated by this by society and people who I trusted. I am sick and tired of being abanonded its given me enough trauma already. On top of all that I have gender identity issues and gender dysphoria which makes it really hard for me to see myself as even a real person to begin with. I have obessionsive personality and idk how many other mental issues I have developed. To add to all of that society demands I give myself to them by working a 9 to 5 life endlessly which is my nightmare. Simply it cannot make me happy, because I want a life dedicated to people who I care about, develop caring friendships and my hobbies. I cling to that, as it becomes ever farther from my reach while falling into the depths of this insanity that is pulling me even deeper into its void.