What are some good ways to punish yourself when you've done something bad?

[LaVieEnRose]

I made the donation to an organization called Autism Self Advocacy Network. It hurts like hell.

You belong to a highly social species with highly advanced emotional and linguistic capabilities. In other words, people are going to talk about other people, especially in moments of frustration and hurt. Now, "everyone does it" is hardly an excuse for anything, but lapses can and will occur and they don't have to reflect on your most fundamental essence.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

You belong to a highly social species with highly advanced emotional and linguistic capabilities. In other words, people are going to talk about other people, especially in moments of frustration and hurt. Now, "everyone does it" is hardly an excuse for anything, but lapses can and will occur and they don't have to reflect on your most fundamental essence.

I should be better than that. I thought I was better than that. I was clearly just full of shit.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I should be better than that. I thought I was better than that. I was clearly just full of shit.

Okay you *should* have been better but you weren't. It's okay. You'll find that lots of people are bursting with feces at some point. Consistently achieving an ideal all the time doesn't matter as much the continuous striving towards it, even if there are bumps in the road. That's what counts and that's what makes you an ethical person. Especially since embodying the ideal all the time in every situation is not realistic.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Cleaned apartment as soon as I woke up

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Okay you *should* have been better but you weren't. It's okay. You'll find that lots of people are bursting with feces at some point. Consistently achieving an ideal all the time doesn't matter as much the continuous striving towards it, even if there are bumps in the road. That's what counts and that's what makes you an ethical person. Especially since embodying the ideal all the time in every situation is not realistic.

I appreciate that you're trying to help. It's just that nothing can change the fact that I did something despicable to someone I love and nothing can make it better.

--------- (wrote this about 20 mins after but SaSu likes to combine messages, sorry for that)
Exhausted after two nights of freezing and then the cleaning first thing in the morning. Have decided not to speak to my friends until at least Thursday, when I have an appointment with my peer support. Not that I really feel like it but establishing contact with her was one of the things I did to help with the situation, so it's important.

Considering forcing myself to eat meat. I have been browsing online for different meat products and the thought makes me tear up and feel nauseous. The problem is that I don't eat meat because of morals and empathy and I am punishing myself because my morals and empathy failed.

 

[Hvergelmir]

Considering forcing myself to eat meat. [...] I don't eat meat because of morals and empathy

Do you want to make the world a better place, or just spread misery?
If you keep thinking along those lines, you'll just end up being an asshole to yourself and everyone else.

What's most important, to suffer, or to make things better?
I'm at risk of repeating myself, but try making amends (directly and indirectly). Self torture is futile.
Volunteer for a rescue center or something...

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Do you want to make the world a better place, or just spread misery?
If you keep thinking along those lines, you'll just end up being an asshole to yourself and everyone else.

What's most important, to suffer, or to make things better?
I'm at risk of repeating myself, but try making amends (directly and indirectly). Self torture is futile.
Volunteer for a rescue center or something...

I have tried making amends, one thing doesn't rule out the other. As for meat eating I realized that would be a bad thing. I guess it's another result of me being a disgusting hypocrite. Sadly I can't volunteer because you are not allowed to do that when you are on disability in my country. Have considered another donation though.

 

[Hvergelmir]

...one thing doesn't rule out the other.

So what's the end game? What will be accomplished when you're done?
Does both further amends and further punishments contribute to that?

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

So what's the end game? What will be accomplished when you're done?
Does both further amends and further punishments contribute to that?

I don't know that yet. There are three directions: CTB, completely isolate so that I cannot hurt another person again or finding a way to get over my traumatization. Last one would be ideal but also probably impossible.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I appreciate that you're trying to help. It's just that nothing can change the fact that I did something despicable to someone I love and nothing can make it better.

If redemption is impossible, doesn't that mean you should stop trying to punish yourself?

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

If redemption is impossible, doesn't that mean you should stop trying to punish yourself?

What do you mean?

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Am considering deleting my Discord account. I also find a hotline for abusers that I'm considering calling.

 

[frailcoffee]

For me whenever I've done something bad I restrict myself from eating. If it's so bad that I feel I deserve pain I'll limit my food intake and only allow myself barely one meal a day. I don't know why I'm like this, usually I tell myself that I deserve it, and most days I'm not a very good person

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

For me whenever I've done something bad I restrict myself from eating. If it's so bad that I feel I deserve pain I'll limit my food intake and only allow myself barely one meal a day. I don't know why I'm like this, usually I tell myself that I deserve it, and most days I'm not a very good person

I'm also doing that though it's not a conscious effort. Recovering anorexic. Hugs to you.

 

[takuyablackbox]

self-punishment without any clauses of getting better is just glorified self-pity, no? i know it feels impossible to forgive yourself right now, but what's happened has been done, you won't be able to change that. truly, i would be a hypocrite if i just told you to just stop, as i relapsed on SH after a long time and am also currently going through a bad ED.

but don't you realize you're still being the abuser?

do you even know at what point will you feel happy? at what point you've felt you've given yourself what you deserve? punishing yourself doesn't practically make anything right, and come on, you know it. at what point will you open your eyes and realize you're just digging the hole deeper and deeper? you hurt someone. you were broken, and you threw it onto someone you loved; and now you're throwing it onto yourself. it was wrong. you shouldn't have done it. but you'll never change if you just break yourself even more. for how can you truly expect someone to forgive you if you cannot forgive yourself? please. be kind to yourself. be better, treat yourself as you wished you'd treated the person you loved. it's not something that happens overnight, but gradually, and with forgiveness. and stop pretending that this pseudo-punishment is helping you get better. for truly, self-forgiveness is the only real punishment i'd deem fitting for you.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

self-punishment without any clauses of getting better is just glorified self-pity, no? i know it feels impossible to forgive yourself right now, but what's happened has been done, you won't be able to change that. truly, i would be a hypocrite if i just told you to just stop, as i relapsed on SH after a long time and am also currently going through a bad ED.

but don't you realize you're still being the abuser?

do you even know at what point will you feel happy? at what point you've felt you've given yourself what you deserve? punishing yourself doesn't practically make anything right, and come on, you know it. at what point will you open your eyes and realize you're just digging the hole deeper and deeper? you hurt someone. you were broken, and you threw it onto someone you loved; and now you're throwing it onto yourself. it was wrong. you shouldn't have done it. but you'll never change if you just break yourself even more. for how can you truly expect someone to forgive you if you cannot forgive yourself? please. be kind to yourself. be better, treat yourself as you wished you'd treated the person you loved. it's not something that happens overnight, but gradually, and with forgiveness. and stop pretending that this pseudo-punishment is helping you get better. for truly, self-forgiveness is the only real punishment i'd deem fitting for you.

I do with my life as I see fit, just as you do with yours.

Seriously, this is a pro-choice forum. I asked for help with self-punishment techniques and a majority instead choose to invalidate that request and argue against me. And apparently no one reads my replies since every new person seems to assume that self-punishment is an alternative to making amends and doing better, when I have explained I am doing both.

If you don't have anything to say that's related to my question, then please don't reply here. Please don't preach about self-forgiveness or assume I'm not taking responsibility for my actions.