Venting what a miserable existence

[kunikuzushi]

I feel like a terrible person for being in a relationship when I know I have to end my life somewhat soon. It really hurts my partner, but they want to be with me and want me to "get better." I'm just in so much constant pain. I feel like I'm being tortured every day, and I've already accepted that nothing will get better for me. But I'm staying alive for them for now. I don't know if it's the right thing to do. I was supposed to be dead really soon. What am I doing?

Unrelated, but their friend is visiting them for a few days and staying at their place and it's tearing me apart because I have insane jealousy issues. It's just adding to this stupid torture. Why am I even staying alive for this?

Thank you for reading and I wish you all a good day/night.

 

[whywere]

I always say about my age of 68, maybe I should say about my life experience instead, but either way, believe me, if you took a vacation with your partner. let's say walking on a beach at sunset, seeing the sun slip below the horizon with sand in your toes and your partners also and let the talk and feelings flow, you might be so thankful that you have such a wonderful soul beside you. Also, it is human nature to think and/or "feel" jealousy, but in my experience through life I have turned the jealous aspect around 180 degrees and used it as an anti-jealous warm feeling in my mind's eye knowing how wonderful he/she is.

I do not remember the year, but I know it was in the 1960's when someone told an 8-year-old (me) or so that beauty is sitting across the kitchen table when one is later in life and looking across and seeing that everything way back when was irrelevant.

I wish you and your partner all the best now and going forward.

Walter

 

[kunikuzushi]

I always say about my age of 68, maybe I should say about my life experience instead, but either way, believe me, if you took a vacation with your partner. let's say walking on a beach at sunset, seeing the sun slip below the horizon with sand in your toes and your partners also and let the talk and feelings flow, you might be so thankful that you have such a wonderful soul beside you. Also, it is human nature to think and/or "feel" jealousy, but in my experience through life I have turned the jealous aspect around 180 degrees and used it as an anti-jealous warm feeling in my mind's eye knowing how wonderful he/she is.

I do not remember the year, but I know it was in the 1960's when someone told an 8-year-old (me) or so that beauty is sitting across the kitchen table when one is later in life and looking across and seeing that everything way back when was irrelevant.

I wish you and your partner all the best now and going forward.

Walter

Thank you for this. I appreciate your perspective. I'm having trouble feeling things right now, but I'm sure what you said is beautiful. I wish you the best too.

 

[whywere]

You are a wonderfully kind and caring soul.

Have a great upcoming weekend.

Walter