Discussion Wha'cha doin rn/update whenever

[YandereMikuMistress]

Suppose im on a walk in an area I'm not familiar woth watching a water plane take Landing on the sea beside me and am on a journey to find a rooftop I could mabye come back to if needed, hope no one can see my search history since I'm sure I'd look dumb for my "how many story's would somone need to be in order to die from jumping and ay, it came up, said 4,5 story's high, anyway I'm also walking up to a park! I love parks! But I'll just walk by since I'm assuming a lone 19 year old fully dressed in black female playing on a construction built for kids might make parents uncomfortable, sure it's raining but if I could YOU KNOW ID BE GOIN DOWN THEM FILTHY SLIDES WHILE SLIDING THROUGH A MUD PUDDLE AT THE END! ITD BE PURE BLISS,, kidding,, well it's 2:07pm rn and it doesn't look like the weather is going to get "nice" anytime soon, not that this isn't nice, I find colder weather to be more fitting for myself, that includes the views, anyway, I'm at 23%,, what are you up to?
Update here whenever you like just thought I'd try out a little experiment of sorts, so if you'd like to join, just update here whenever you can, doesn't need to anything important, can be the most mundane things but I'd still like to read it,, I guess this is a way for me and mabye you to feel like you've got some sorta socialization in to your day as strange as that may seem, I think that sharing things like this weather it be big or small or just in-between, I just find that it'd be kinda nice to periodically be able to act like I'm really having a conversation with someone,, even when it's simply just typing out whatever ot is you may be actively doing as If somones truly asking you about it, aka

"what are you doing at this very moment"

Join in if you'd like! It would be much appreciated!
Some photos from this moment 2:07-2:19pm thu,Nov,9,2023.

 

[Timelapse]

Listening to Distant Worlds orchestra, while watching Drew Carey Show, on mute.

 

[buoy]

I drove myself to the nearest skatepark on my way home from work to avoid going home. I don't have my board and I'm not watching anyone skate. Was listening to Sweet Pill until my car shut off.

Been a bad couple weeks. I've had a constant pitted physical sensation of anxiety in my chest and stomach for maybe 2 weeks non-stop. Smoking too much nicotine so my heart really has been getting a workout.

Quit drinking, been a week without. Not an alcoholic, but have SA issues. Alcohol has been making me dangerously depressed the last few times I drank, and my only real attempt was on an alcohol fueled psychotic break (idk if I'm using this term correctly). I don't miss alcohol but I have some muscle relaxers stashed for the next time I get a good chance to get real fucked up. Apparently they feel like being drunk.

Found out one of the foster kittens brought home ringworm so my back itches right now. Little fucker woke me up attacking my face and itches now so we'll see if I get it there too.

I hate being this negative and I'm not used to speaking like this. I'm the one that is there for others, not the other way around even though I need it. Or I guess I need to be alone, hence the little detour I guess…

Edit: I'm a 27 yr old man with a 'blankee', baby blanket whatever you wanna call it and I usually have it on me and right now is no different. I thought this is the only fun thing to add in this so I wanted to stop at the corner store to share this with y'all.

Maybe I'll start an adult baby blanket thread

 

[R_N]

Playing star ocean the second story r.

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

Today was first day in decent amount of time when I had fun. I spent the day with my friend, we got hot chocolate, went to the cinema, got snacks and talked. I genuinely had fun today. But of course, everytime I'm doing "too good" for too long or have a good time in general something has to go shit. After I got home I got 2 bad news one after another and there goes my good day. Now I'm just tired, sad and frustrated. Nothing ever can be good.

 

[buoy]

Today was first day in decent amount of time when I had fun. I spent the day with my friend, we got hot chocolate, went to the cinema, got snacks and talked. I genuinely had fun today. But of course, everytime I'm doing "too good" for too long or have a good time in general something has to go shit. After I got home I got 2 bad news one after another and there goes my good day. Now I'm just tired, sad and frustrated. Nothing ever can be good.

Rooting for you friend

 

[QteStimBnnuy]

Information might be interesting to come back to, but right now I can't focus on reading anything. Kinda don't feel that great however, feel like an awful person

I'm just getting distracted when I'm supposed to be aim training. Also got some music on, no genre in particular. Do need to dry out some speed a lil more since the amph isn't fully dry but I'm too lazy to do it right now. Been getting up insanely late, sleeping 12+ hours

 

[Rogue Proxy]

This afternoon, I baked a batch of sweet potato gingerbread muffins for tomorrow's and the next day's breakfast. The sweet potato gingerbread muffins were made of white whole wheat flour, sweet potato puree, pure maple syrup, unsweetened soy milk, barley malt, aquafaba, baking powder, lemon juice, pure vanilla extract, ground ginger, ground cinnamon, baking soda, ground allspice, ground nutmeg, and ground cloves. I'm hoping there's the right balance of sweetness versus spices in them.

Yesterday, I made black cocoa blueberry fudgesicles. They were made of dry-roasted pistachios, oven-roasted blueberries, water, pure maple syrup, black cocoa powder, and pure vanilla extract. The fudgesicles were frozen in three sets of popsicle molds: robots, dinosaurs, and a pair of Mickey Mouse faces. Late this morning, I taste-tested one of the Mickey Mouse-shaped fudgesicles while checking out the series Dead End: Paranormal Park. It tasted very good, though I prefer the flavor of the high quality "regular" Dutch-processed cocoa powder in my fudgesicle recipes.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I drove myself to the nearest skatepark on my way home from work to avoid going home. I don't have my board and I'm not watching anyone skate. Was listening to Sweet Pill until my car shut off.

Been a bad couple weeks. I've had a constant pitted physical sensation of anxiety in my chest and stomach for maybe 2 weeks non-stop. Smoking too much nicotine so my heart really has been getting a workout.

Quit drinking, been a week without. Not an alcoholic, but have SA issues. Alcohol has been making me dangerously depressed the last few times I drank, and my only real attempt was on an alcohol fueled psychotic break (idk if I'm using this term correctly). I don't miss alcohol but I have some muscle relaxers stashed for the next time I get a good chance to get real fucked up. Apparently they feel like being drunk.

Found out one of the foster kittens brought home ringworm so my back itches right now. Little fucker woke me up attacking my face and itches now so we'll see if I get it there too.

I hate being this negative and I'm not used to speaking like this. I'm the one that is there for others, not the other way around even though I need it. Or I guess I need to be alone, hence the little detour I guess…

Edit: I'm a 27 yr old man with a 'blankee', baby blanket whatever you wanna call it and I usually have it on me and right now is no different. I thought this is the only fun thing to add in this so I wanted to stop at the corner store to share this with y'all.

Maybe I'll start an adult baby blanket thread

Man I'd join that thread, what about rn what cha doin now, aka when you read this. I just brushed my teeth for the foruth time it's 3:27pm and I was playing roblox natural disaster for some form of socializing, since I don't talk irl really, unless it's to myself but that's NOT THE POINT since I don't even chat on roblox either,, ugh and I just started playing it again from when I use to play back in 2014,, now I must pee, possibly tmi but ayyy enjoy !!

 

[Timelapse]

Just finished gambling my 30$ of the day. Lost. Didn't even go up a bit.

Now I'm listening to Lamb's Wool on repeat and sulking.

 

[buoy]

Man I'd join that thread, what about rn what cha doin now, aka when you read this. I just brushed my teeth for the foruth time it's 3:27pm and I was playing roblox natural disaster for some form of socializing, since I don't talk irl really, unless it's to myself but that's NOT THE POINT since I don't even chat on roblox either,, ugh and I just started playing it again from when I use to play back in 2014,, now I must pee, possibly tmi but ayyy enjoy !!

Yaknow I just might have to make that thread then, friend.

I haven't played roblox before but from what I know it's like a platform for games and game modes, right? What do you do for the natural disaster? And why so hygienic lol only ask because you mentioned you brushed your teeth for the fourth time by early afternoon. Was wondering if you genuinely enjoyed it or nervous habit etc.

I went to my parents for dinner after work today and it's great food but I've been too stressed lately to eat. So I took like 3 bites and got full. Kinda pissed I couldn't eat more lol. Its like 8:30 for me. We have a family ritual of watching a movie over food and they put RIPD on.

Still no alcohol, but I think I'm going to take those muscle relaxers tonight.

Never TMI. Id like to think of this thread as a shared diary.

 

[ForeverBroken]

I'm lying here in the dark wondering how my life got the way it has. Listening to my husband talk to his brother about his dad, missing my own parents. Just trying to fight off the suicidal thoughts and the memories of my son telling me how shitty a parent I am. Sorry to be so depressing but that's what I'm doing. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

 

[NocturnILL]

Laying here on and off crying. Judging and hating myself for having my suicidal thoughts and a lack of will to live.

 

[buoy]

I'm lying here in the dark wondering how my life got the way it has. Listening to my husband talk to his brother about his dad, missing my own parents. Just trying to fight off the suicidal thoughts and the memories of my son telling me how shitty a parent I am. Sorry to be so depressing but that's what I'm doing. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I'm sorry you've found yourself in this spot.

Do you mean generally feeling the way you do or circumstances?

I know I said some vile shit to my parents and vice versa growing up but I think that's part of the whole raising a child thing. Kids having kids yadda yadda. I hope it's just one of those things for you. Are they grown yet?

Laying here on and off crying. Judging and hating myself for having my suicidal thoughts and a lack of will to live.

I know it's hard to change perception and especially whenever you're feeling like that, but you're already in a hard spot. You don't need to make it harder on yourself. Your feelings are valid and so are you..

 

[NocturnILL]

I know it's hard to change perception and especially whenever you're feeling like that, but you're already in a hard spot. You don't need to make it harder on yourself. Your feelings are valid and so are you..

Thank you so much for your validation and reminder. It means a lot. I try to remind myself but that guilt gets so heavy man like so heavy. I appreciate you.

 

[buoy]

Thank you so much for your validation and reminder. It means a lot. I try to remind myself but that guilt gets so heavy man like so heavy. I appreciate you.

Rooting for you and everyone else out here

 

[NocturnILL]

Rooting for you and everyone else out here

Thank you I hope you're doing well

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Watching a channel called societal narcissism on YouTube this is the channel where I first learned about narcissism, and realized my mother is a narcissist and my whole life began to make sense. Otherwise, I decided to quit weed a couple of days ago out of necessity and feel like shit. Insomnia sucks when u first quit. Going to do a little workout this morning and then I don't know. Just trying to get past the initial withdrawal of weed withdrawal right now. First 5 days are the worst.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

Yaknow I just might have to make that thread then, friend.

I haven't played roblox before but from what I know it's like a platform for games and game modes, right? What do you do for the natural disaster? And why so hygienic lol only ask because you mentioned you brushed your teeth for the fourth time by early afternoon. Was wondering if you genuinely enjoyed it or nervous habit etc.

I went to my parents for dinner after work today and it's great food but I've been too stressed lately to eat. So I took like 3 bites and got full. Kinda pissed I couldn't eat more lol. Its like 8:30 for me. We have a family ritual of watching a movie over food and they put RIPD on.

Still no alcohol, but I think I'm going to take those muscle relaxers tonight.

Never TMI. Id like to think of this thread as a shared diary.

Aaaayya yes!
That's how I'd like for anyone on this thread to view it,
because that's what I want it to be for everyone here
"shared"
but back to the teeth,
I'd say it's more of a nervous habit, I somtimes think I have a slight fixation with appearing quote on quote "attractive" "good" "lovely" "exquisite"
Y'know basic things like that and such, an well brushing my teeth rigorously is apart of keeping that appearance.

Yeah Mom's foods the best,, I'm sure you feel the same about your parents food, it's just the "best" or how you say "great"

You guys watch movies together too that can be so nice, but also really alarming for me, since that bonding stuff always makes me spiral into negativity, what was that dinner you had anyhow?? And what might you be up to now- [whenever you read this]


It's 7:52am for me rn I just spent mabye 15 minutes typing the out in the bathroom sink an now I'm rushing to brush my teeth while typing the out my toothbrush is like a pale pink and blue an white, it's not electric, now I don't like spending to much time at places I don't belong so I best get outta this bathroom, gonna head outside and take a toke, just worrying about loosing my job since I've been in nan for a bit now, just a few days but ay I got two strikes at work, sorry for the jumbled up text, I HOPE YOUR DAYS GOIN ALRIGHT SO FAR!

Listening to Distant Worlds orchestra, while watching Drew Carey Show, on mute.

Wha cha up to now if you don't mind me asking? Aka- when you read this.

 

[ForeverBroken]

I'm sorry you've found yourself in this spot.

Do you mean generally feeling the way you do or circumstances?

I know I said some vile shit to my parents and vice versa growing up but I think that's part of the whole raising a child thing. Kids having kids yadda yadda. I hope it's just one of those things for you. Are they grown yet?

I know it's hard to change perception and especially whenever you're feeling like that, but you're already in a hard spot. You don't need to make it harder on yourself. Your feelings are valid and so are you..

I'm once again dealing with thoughts of suicide. They come and go for me. The trigger this time seems to be my youngest son. Not blaming him in anyway, just that is what started my downward spiral this time. He's grown and has 2 young ones of his own. He's having personal issues and has felt the need to bring up everything that he perceived that I did wrong in raising him. Most of it is BS. Some of it I had forgotten about. And some of it were times that I was not at my best. A lot of it was when he was abusing drugs and alcohol heavily. It was a difficult time. For whatever reason he has decided to remind me of all of this and along with current problems I'm not doing very well. Wrote out my goodbye letters the other day. Now I'm just trying to decide if that's what I really want.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I'm lying here in the dark wondering how my life got the way it has. Listening to my husband talk to his brother about his dad, missing my own parents. Just trying to fight off the suicidal thoughts and the memories of my son telling me how shitty a parent I am. Sorry to be so depressing but that's what I'm doing. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I've been slightly dealing with the same thing, I'm not close with my family really even though my family's supposedly all about "family's all you got, family's everthing, we dealing with things as a family"
It's not really like that but it's vocalized by everyone that it is, my partner and I are in his moms Car right now going shopping with her its 10:15am rn going back an forth between thping and having my phone in my coat pocket, i dont wanna come off as rude by being on my phone, plus i dont want to give off the feeling like im ignoring them even though i have nothing to talk about with them, what do familys talk about, how involved are you supposed to be, anyway,, seeing the relationship they have and the comfortability that's visually portrayed between them is for some resone enraging and heart aching,, it's now 10:36am and we just got out of a grocery store about 5 minutes ago, they've now stopped at a weed shop, unfortunately I couldn't go in with them since I don't have my ID on me but my partner and his mom went in, and when my partner left the car to go walk in he kinda just stood infront of my window stared at me blankly and then walked away inside the shop, I'm envious to be apart of the "family" I could never understand or have oh shit there back and apologies for this messy message and if it doesn't make sense it's alright I just wanted to get this out I suppose, it's 10:41am now, and I'd type more just don't wanna leave a bad impression,, how's its going today though? Any better, what are you doing now? Or well when you read this,
I hope it's better then the other day
I can't imagine how that shit would make you feel,, especially from your own blood. NOW I MUST GO GROCERYS INSIDE TIME

 

[ForeverBroken]

I've been slightly dealing with the same thing, I'm not close with my family really even though my family's supposedly all about "family's all you got, family's everthing, we dealing with things as a family"
It's not really like that but it's vocalized by everyone that it is, my partner and I are in his moms Car right now going shopping with her its 10:15am rn going back an forth between thping and having my phone in my coat pocket, i dont wanna come off as rude by being on my phone, plus i dont want to give off the feeling like im ignoring them even though i have nothing to talk about with them, what do familys talk about, how involved are you supposed to be, anyway,, seeing the relationship they have and the comfortability that's visually portrayed between them is for some resone enraging and heart aching,, it's now 10:36am and we just got out of a grocery store about 5 minutes ago, they've now stopped at a weed shop, unfortunately I couldn't go in with them since I don't have my ID on me but my partner and his mom went in, and when my partner left the car to go walk in he kinda just stood infront of my window stared at me blankly and then walked away inside the shop, I'm envious to be apart of the "family" I could never understand or have oh shit there back and apologies for this messy message and if it doesn't make sense it's alright I just wanted to get this out I suppose, it's 10:41am now, and I'd type more just don't wanna leave a bad impression,, how's its going today though? Any better, what are you doing now? Or well when you read this,
I hope it's better then the other day
I can't imagine how that shit would make you feel,, especially from your own blood. NOW I MUST GO GROCERYS INSIDE TIME

Im sorry for your situation. Will talk more later. My husband just came in.

 

[buoy]

I'd say it's more of a nervous habit, I somtimes think I have a slight fixation with appearing quote on quote "attractive" "good" "lovely" "exquisite"
Y'know basic things like that and such, an well brushing my teeth rigorously is apart of keeping that appearance.

That's not the worst nervous habit you could have. I hope the ideals you mentioned don't affect your confidence. Keeping the task of keeping sanitary and appearance can be good for the brain (oral b electric toothbrush is sick)

I know this isn't the norm but my dad cooks on the weekends usually and he goes all out, it was some beef, corn medley thing with those pearl onions, rice with raisins and bread. I love me some bread too.

Id like to challenge you to consider the idea about bonding or having any sort of positive experience with people not as scary. I imagine this is fear of causing pain, but your choice is yours independent of anyone else. You don't make any inherent promises by having a relationship with someone. Be selfish, shits hard as it is.

Smokin out after eating taco bell. My appetite is coming back, so that's good. That and the physical anxiety in my chest hasn't been persistent today and yesterday.

What is nan? I'm not familiar with that acronym. Rooting for you and them pearly whites.

I'm once again dealing with thoughts of suicide. They come and go for me. The trigger this time seems to be my youngest son. Not blaming him in anyway, just that is what started my downward spiral this time. He's grown and has 2 young ones of his own. He's having personal issues and has felt the need to bring up everything that he perceived that I did wrong in raising him. Most of it is BS. Some of it I had forgotten about. And some of it were times that I was not at my best. A lot of it was when he was abusing drugs and alcohol heavily. It was a difficult time. For whatever reason he has decided to remind me of all of this and along with current problems I'm not doing very well. Wrote out my goodbye letters the other day. Now I'm just trying to decide if that's what I really want.

You're very emotionally intelligent to not hold this against your son or blame them, and I'm sorry that this trigger has brought you to this point.

At this point I would consider the highs you feel or if you see potential for the future and see if that's worth it to you. I'm pretty impulsive about my actions but sometimes it can be helpful to wait until the effects of the trigger have passed before a decision is made.

I'm rooting for you friend and I'll be around (whatever you decide). If you need an ear or a goodbye, just reach out. I know it can be tough.

 

[Bad-luck]

I hung out with my friends yesterday, going to the mall and getting new clothes!

 

[Timelapse]

I may have found my partner!

I can see it. The end is near.

Finally.

Im soooo giddy!

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

That's not the worst nervous habit you could have. I hope the ideals you mentioned don't affect your confidence. Keeping the task of keeping sanitary and appearance can be good for the brain (oral b electric toothbrush is sick)

I know this isn't the norm but my dad cooks on the weekends usually and he goes all out, it was some beef, corn medley thing with those pearl onions, rice with raisins and bread. I love me some bread too.

Id like to challenge you to consider the idea about bonding or having any sort of positive experience with people not as scary. I imagine this is fear of causing pain, but your choice is yours independent of anyone else. You don't make any inherent promises by having a relationship with someone. Be selfish, shits hard as it is.

Smokin out after eating taco bell. My appetite is coming back, so that's good. That and the physical anxiety in my chest hasn't been persistent today and yesterday.

What is nan? I'm not familiar with that acronym. Rooting for you and them pearly whites.

You're very emotionally intelligent to not hold this against your son or blame them, and I'm sorry that this trigger has brought you to this point.

At this point I would consider the highs you feel or if you see potential for the future and see if that's worth it to you. I'm pretty impulsive about my actions but sometimes it can be helpful to wait until the effects of the trigger have passed before a decision is made.

I'm rooting for you friend and I'll be around (whatever you decide). If you need an ear or a goodbye, just reach out. I know it can be tough.

it's 8:27am I'm laying in my partners bed while there in the bathroom I just made the bed and tried to tidying there room, as I do every morning I'm here, about being selfish in a relationship I can most definitely say I probably already am,, I'm back with somone I've got history with, and I can't say we've got the best history, whenever I saw them it was because I either sat with them in the handy room aka the room for kids with learning deficiencies and I met them through a classmate who I had formally went to grade 7 with and was subsequently "picked on" by that kid who later introduced me to my partner, since we were in the same class stuck at the same table, we fisrt started talking in class then I noticed they somtimes were at the same bus stop as me in the morning so we started talking there to if I was alone, and occasionally he'd sit with me on the bus, other times we'd see each other back then is when if either tell my parents I'm going for a walk, wich was believable since I went on walks regularly and we had trails to walk through up the road and if not that I would convince my "friend" who was the only person I was allowed to sleep over at since my mom was at the time decently close with this girls mom and also at the time my mom was wanting to get my "friends" mom to becoming a witness, as in a jehovah witness, now if I was at this girl's place id somtimes convince her to meet up with my now partner and his little brother, and she would usually always comply since she was trying to kinda date both of them,,¿ she dated his little brother and tried to date him, my partner and I were on and off back then due to my circumstances I'm sure I wasn't enough for them or more so because I wasn't the greatest looking kid and he may have always went for your tanned blonds with skimpy outfits or brunettes or red heads,, he cheated on me with a girl I already disliked but was being a suck up to her back then because well everyone liked her and wanted her and she was so obviously beautiful, and I was somehow in her "circle" she had a nasty personality though, wich made her apper less pretty I guess but I still wanted to weirdly prove myself to her till I found that out, and well shit happens I try to fight her my now partner stops me, he later tries to get me back saying stuff like how people just got in his head and convinced me to leave you, because by the way I didn't find out he was doing that stuff till he left me, anddd I shall continue this when I can it's now 10am.

I may have found my partner!

I can see it. The end is near.

Finally.

Im soooo giddy!

I would like a partner but at the end of the day I feel like I'm to unworthy to have somone next to me while I die or even while I'm dead, I feel I do not deserve any form of sympathy weather that be the slight comfort of somone else's presence or even allowing myself a sweet beverage before the deed, buy I honestly just wanna Congratulate on what you've acquired, please don't allow your hope for like-minded company in your last moments to deture you from what you "want" "need" but don't follow through with something either if your confidence within your goal is unsure, I wish you the best of luck @Timelapse

 

[Timelapse]

I would like a partner but at the end of the day I feel like I'm to unworthy to have somone next to me while I die or even while I'm dead, I feel I do not deserve any form of sympathy weather that be the slight comfort of somone else's presence or even allowing myself a sweet beverage before the deed, buy I honestly just wanna Congratulate on what you've acquired, please don't allow your hope for like-minded company in your last moments to deture you from what you "want" "need" but don't follow through with something either if your confidence within your goal is unsure, I wish you the best of luck @Timelapse

Thank you for your advice.

I respect your stance on not wanting any form of assistance or even consuming anything.

Having failed CTB multiple times, and being alone, thwarted by SI and pro-lifers. A support is what I needed. This site is what I needed. Now that I have the proper tools to CTB. I can finally find eternal peace.

 

[ToniFoxGirl!!]

I'm at work, dysphoric, having thoughts of SH, worried about my living space cause I can't stay with my family anymore. Wanting to go home and play guitar.

 

[buoy]

it's 8:27am I'm laying in my partners bed while there in the bathroom I just made the bed and tried to tidying there room, as I do every morning I'm here, about being selfish in a relationship I can most definitely say I probably already am,, I'm back with somone I've got history with, and I can't say we've got the best history, whenever I saw them it was because I either sat with them in the handy room aka the room for kids with learning deficiencies and I met them through a classmate who I had formally went to grade 7 with and was subsequently "picked on" by that kid who later introduced me to my partner, since we were in the same class stuck at the same table, we fisrt started talking in class then I noticed they somtimes were at the same bus stop as me in the morning so we started talking there to if I was alone, and occasionally he'd sit with me on the bus, other times we'd see each other back then is when if either tell my parents I'm going for a walk, wich was believable since I went on walks regularly and we had trails to walk through up the road and if not that I would convince my "friend" who was the only person I was allowed to sleep over at since my mom was at the time decently close with this girls mom and also at the time my mom was wanting to get my "friends" mom to becoming a witness, as in a jehovah witness, now if I was at this girl's place id somtimes convince her to meet up with my now partner and his little brother, and she would usually always comply since she was trying to kinda date both of them,,¿ she dated his little brother and tried to date him, my partner and I were on and off back then due to my circumstances I'm sure I wasn't enough for them or more so because I wasn't the greatest looking kid and he may have always went for your tanned blonds with skimpy outfits or brunettes or red heads,, he cheated on me with a girl I already disliked but was being a suck up to her back then because well everyone liked her and wanted her and she was so obviously beautiful, and I was somehow in her "circle" she had a nasty personality though, wich made her apper less pretty I guess but I still wanted to weirdly prove myself to her till I found that out, and well shit happens I try to fight her my now partner stops me, he later tries to get me back saying stuff like how people just got in his head and convinced me to leave you, because by the way I didn't find out he was doing that stuff till he left me, anddd I shall continue this when I can it's now 10am.

I would like a partner but at the end of the day I feel like I'm to unworthy to have somone next to me while I die or even while I'm dead, I feel I do not deserve any form of sympathy weather that be the slight comfort of somone else's presence or even allowing myself a sweet beverage before the deed, buy I honestly just wanna Congratulate on what you've acquired, please don't allow your hope for like-minded company in your last moments to deture you from what you "want" "need" but don't follow through with something either if your confidence within your goal is unsure, I wish you the best of luck @Timelapse

I'm sorry you're with someone who has taken advantage of your trust and continues to build themselves on your pain and deception. I hope you can find yourself despite them. Rooting for you. Here for you in whatever your commitment is.

 

[asian.neet]

In my bedroom on this website with ctb impulses. I'm on suicide watch tho so rn I have to play the waiting game