Venting Were you hurt, if so by who?

[MiMif]

The title.

I've been hurt by every single person I held close to me. I originally thought I was the problem and it was because of my depression and all my mental baggage. At some point however I realized that everyone around me was just a piece of shit...at least to me anyway.

I wonder why they even bothered pretending to care about me in the first place. I wish they were just like this from the start so I wouldn't of been disappointed.

I first realized this when I actually spoke up about my mental issues...not too much I just said I've been feeling depressed and can't keep up my grades as I can't find the energy to do them. They said I was making up excuses and was faking. I brushed this off.

However a few weeks later someone else said the same thing I did...only difference is she was crying (I don't cry in front of people) they all comforted her. I brushed that off but after making my issues obvious and slowly separating myself from them and them not at all checking up on me...I'm hurt.

I really cared about them I won't lie. I never felt that way about anyone in my whole life...it hurt a lot. I may sound like I'm over exaggerating but I'm not. I'm aro romantic and I really can't feel any romantic love for anyone so I take friendships very seriously. I never felt that way with any of my friends before...they felt like family. My own family doesn't even feel like family.

That made it hurt all the more when I found the out they had a group chat without me and they had been hanging out without me behind my back. I wish they were never nice to me in the first place honestly it hurts and even after months I'm not over it.

Them and my mom which I'm not really going to explain but she made me think she cared and then told me I was the problem and needed to just stop.

I hate expecting things from people and these people have made me unable to form any real connections with anyone.

 

[february in alaska]

My mom and my dad. I have too many stories to tell, I wouldn't even know where to begin. But they're probably the only two. I just don't let people get close enough to hurt me that badly anymore, which is good in some ways, but it also means I don't make deep connections with anyone and I'm constantly isolating myself

It sucks that in order to have deep relationships and connections with others, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable and risk yourself getting hurt. And unfortunately, people as a whole suck. Even people who have good intentions fuck up or have moments where they lash out, even people who love you, and it fucking hurts. I don't know if it's better or worse than cutting everyone off and being completely alone, though.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that, especially with a friend group... for the past few years I've suspected I'm aro too, so I understand how important those friends can be. I don't know your situation exactly, but it might be worth reaching out and telling them how you're feeling just to see if they change and realize how they've been treating you... I know that's easier said than done though. Either way, you deserved better by them and I'm so sorry you didn't get that

 

[dinosavr]

I am the only person who has ever hurt me and keeps doing it. I don't deserve people I have in my life.

 

[MiMif]

I am the only person who has ever hurt me and keeps doing it. I don't deserve people I have in my life.

Honestly same...out of everyone I know I have been the meanest to me

 

[sorlox]

My mom and my dad. I have too many stories to tell, I wouldn't even know where to begin. But they're probably the only two. I just don't let people get close enough to hurt me that badly anymore, which is good in some ways, but it also means I don't make deep connections with anyone and I'm constantly isolating myself

I feel that one so hard. My parents are so irresponsible when it comes to emotions. Basically, as an older child, i was a restroom for their rage or upset, eternal scape goat and punching bag. And look where did that behavior brought me...

 

[RedHates]

My mom physically abused all of us growing up. She yelled and beat me almost daily. I was the only one who made it stop. The last fight we got into was the day I moved in with my dad. My dad is an asshole but he would never lay a hand on any of us. I didn't even speak to my mom for an entire year after that. My dad finally forced me to go and visit her on the weekends. I think my mom knows she will lose my respect if she ever hits me again. A childhood worth of abuse has made any physical violence an absolute deal breaker for me. One slap, I will never speak to you again.

Then there was my half brother. He raped me too many times to count. He'd get me drunk or high almost every night. I ended up finding this website whilst living with him. I was depressed before but he made me suicidal. There were so many days I wanted to ctb and have him be the one to find me.

 

[MiMif]

My mom physically abused all of us growing up. She yelled and beat me almost daily. I was the only one who made it stop. The last fight we got into was the day I moved in with my dad. My dad is an asshole but he would never lay a hand on any of us. I didn't even speak to my mom for an entire year after that. My dad finally forced me to go and visit her on the weekends. I think my mom knows she will lose my respect if she ever hits me again. A childhood worth of abuse has made any physical violence an absolute deal breaker for me. One slap, I will never speak to you again.

Then there was my half brother. He raped me too many times to count. He'd get me drunk or high almost every night. I ended up finding this website whilst living with him. I was depressed before but he made me suicidal. There were so many days I wanted to ctb and have him be the one to find me.

I'm so sorry that happened to you

This world really can be so unnecessarily cruel to some people

 

[turbomightbegone]

Just about everything used to hurt me. My mother taking her anger out on me after the divorce, classmates harassing me and threatening me, the girl who cocsa'd me, the random people who would always stare at me, the random internet friends that almost got driven to self-mutualition.

now the only thing that hurts me is myself.

 

[february in alaska]

I feel that one so hard. My parents are so irresponsible when it comes to emotions. Basically, as an older child, i was a restroom for their rage or upset, eternal scape goat and punching bag. And look where did that behavior brought me...

Ah, god. I'm sorry you can relate. I have an older brother, but to this day my parents treat him like a child because he's severely autistic and has cognitive disabilities. They treated him horribly too, don't get me wrong, but I know the feeling of being forced to grow up far too quickly and being "mature" for your age. Had my mom treating me like I was her own personal therapist at 11 years old while my dad did whatever the fuck he wanted to me. The worst part is that despite it all, I still care about them in a lot of complicated ways

Some people just aren't good parents and it's a shame for the kids who end up with them. My heart goes out to ya

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm hurt, not by anybody but rather by life itself

 

[deadbody]

My parents, my former boyfriend and myself.
My mother have troubles with her anger control and when I was a child, she often screamed and insulted me. Physical abuse was rare, but I still afraid of loud noices and when somebody raises their voice at me I start to panic and thought "What I did do wrong?"
Former boyfriend was just a piece of shit. He didn't saw me as person, he treated me like a small child and didn't take my mental problems seriously. I left him when I realized that I deserved to be treated differently. (though I still doubt whether I am worthy of anything good).

 

[FuneralCry]

Simply just existing hurts me, I find it painful how I'm trapped in this evil, disgusting world with no way to eternally ceasing in peace, it's painful to be enslaved in the decaying flesh prison that is the human body, simply being conscious and aware is tiring. I wish to die as I prefer the sound of eternal peace over being a slave to suffering in this futile and undesirable existence.

 

[EyeWish...]

I don't if I am a sensitive dumb bitch, if this world is just too damn cold, or if it's both but everyone I've let in has hurt me. I usually just let my denial tell me that I'm not hurt. Distance keeps me in a warm fire of love when it's all but snow outside.

 

[MiMif]

I don't if I am a sensitive dumb bitch, if this world is just too damn cold, or if it's both but everyone I've let in has hurt me. I usually just let my denial tell me that I'm not hurt. Distance keeps me in a warm fire of love when it's all but snow outside.

I feel the same

 

[sklvlp999]

I don't want to blame anyone but it feels like a post meant for me to share this;
I broke up with my ex-gf in September, until our last day together it was all so intense, we had a distance relationship but had met plenty times before, and were planning to have a baby in September the next time we saw each other(we're both 27) constantly making plans for our life together, but all of a sudden we had a little argument because she started delaying our next meeting.
She blocked me and only one month later she said she had no feelings left for me and she wanted to be alone.
I spent months trying to understand what had happened and last week she said she had a bf and he showed her real love, I was in shock so I didn't even answer before she decided to block me again
But now all the things make sense about why she left or was avoiding us but at the same time she was constantly talking about babies and marriage.
The worst part is I've been through hell trying to fix things or finding reasons and she couldn't even be honest about it but even blaming me more than myself.
So yes this hurt me being honest

 

[MiMif]

I don't want to blame anyone but it feels like a post meant for me to share this;
I broke up with my ex-gf in September, until our last day together it was all so intense, we had a distance relationship but had met plenty times before, and were planning to have a baby in September the next time we saw each other(we're both 27) constantly making plans for our life together, but all of a sudden we had a little argument because she started delaying our next meeting.
She blocked me and only one month later she said she had no feelings left for me and she wanted to be alone.
I spent months trying to understand what had happened and last week she said she had a bf and he showed her real love, I was in shock so I didn't even answer before she decided to block me again
But now all the things make sense about why she left or was avoiding us but at the same time she was constantly talking about babies and marriage.
The worst part is I've been through hell trying to fix things or finding reasons and she couldn't even be honest about it but even blaming me more than myself.
So yes this hurt me being honest

People sometimes can be so unnecessarily cruel it hurts and to this day I don't understand why some humans are like that.

Sorry that happened

 

[logi3535]

myself, I've pushed away and left almost everyone close to me, and in the end I've always come to the conclusion that it was me who hurt them. Sometimes people would do things that would hurt me, but it was always because I caused something to disturb them first, and I can't say I feel like I can blame them.

I've been so lucky to have the friends I had, the significant other I was with, and some of the people I've just happened to pass by in life for a few moments, and yet I always push them away, i can't even say I blame my mental illnesses because it isn't that, its just me, and i hate me.