Suicidal ideation is a symptom of mental disorders.
To begin with- sorry- this is a venting response and I don't mean to be having a go at you directly
@Little_Suzy . It's more the idea that
all ideation is the result of mental illness... Sorry for derailing OP but I have responded to your post at the end...
I'm not convinced my brain is functioning so very differently to the average, normie brain. I still enjoy things. I still find things sad. I find life is geared up so that we have to do too many not so good things to gain the few good things. That doesn't feel unreasonably crazy to say. Why should any of us feel happy about that? Why should any of us want to participate in that?
I'm just super curious really. Some ideation is triggered by an event. Mine was initially triggered by mourning the deaths of 3 close family members and being around a (suspected) narcissist when I was 10. Would you say that original reaction was mental illness? Or- a reasonable response? Is it considered 'illness' because the reaction is so strong or, because it persists?
I'd have to say the likelihood that I showed many other symptoms in line with depression or other mental illness at that time or now in fact- is unlikely. I was and still am functioning pretty ok. The only time(s) I would say I struggled with depression were when I did a wage slave job and the 2nd year of my 2nd degree. I've
always had ideation though. Even when things were relatively better.
Someone posted the other day too of a homeless man being granted MAID in Canada
even though he claimed he didn't want to die! Not only do I find that deeply troubling but that has to prove that people will not only think about it- they will go ahead with it if their personal circumstances push them into it. He was accepting death because the alternative looked worse. That's rational. Awful but rational.
I just think this capitalist world makes it so hard for people. It can be hard to maintain balance too when you
need to earn money but you aren't being paid enough! That leads to overwork which leads to burnout which leads to unemployment which leads to stress because then- no money is coming in! Unless you qualify for benefits- not everyone does. I think feeling suicidal is equally about this modern era's lifestyle as it is about mental health.
An extreme example but- say someone being mistreated in a prisoner of war camp kills themself. Did they kill themselves because of poor mental health? Surely not. Why should they be expected to cope under those conditions? Of course- it depends entirely on why someone has developed 'mental illness'. If it comes out the blue for no reason- then maybe it truly is a disorder and hopefully, it will pass or be able to be treated.
If your depression is situational and you can't meaningfully change your life though, you end up having to change your minds reaction to it by going on antidepressants that flatten everything out and turn you into a zombie in order to cope. 1 in 3 people at my friend's wage slave workplace is on antidepressants! Personally- I find that horrific. I don't believe all those people are mentally ill. Or at least- if they are- it's becoming a pretty standard reaction to the lives we are getting stuck with!
Maybe it is all mental illness but so much of it is situational I imagine and seeing as many of us find it hard to change our situations- we are stuck with it and popping pills to cope.
Sorry- I didn't mean to have a go at you. It's more my bugbear with people labelling
all ideation 'mental illness'. I find it a cop out. To me- it insinuates that anyone who can't cope with their ridiculously unfair life is 'ill'. More than that- anyone who isn't prepared to accept the ridiculously unfair rules is 'ill'. We don't live normal lives. It's unreasonable to put rats into an unsolvable maze and then say they are too stupid to work it out!
Sorry for derailing the thread OP! I'm glad you're feeling easier in some ways in your mind. Such a cliche but I guess all you can do is take it day by day. If things continue to feel a little more positive and you're not sure if you want to CTB, maybe take baby step towards making things better. Don't feel bad about missed opportunities though. Harsh to say but- that time's gone. Forgive yourself though- you weren't in the right frame of mind to do those things. They could have even ended up making things worse actually. We can only make decisions in the present according to what we feel able to cope with- that's what I tell myself. Moving forward though- who knows for now? Just see how it goes and be kind to yourself I reckon. CTB is always a decission we can make at a later date too- so long as we are still able to do it, so, it's not like you even need to make a decision now.
