Venting Well, shit

[Uso]

For several months now I've had any idea of how I'll CTB. Did plenty of research on partial and found the sweet spots. Had the noose tied up in my closet and everything, I was just waiting on finishing up some stuff. But now I've moved to a new place. The closets all have shoddy wooden bars instead of the metal rack from before. There's NO WAY they could support my weight without snapping.

Feeling a bit terrified now. My way out is compromised..... I haven't searched the entire house yet so there might be another suitable spot, but I'm so scared there won't be. I don't want to go through the terror of not having a plan again.

If I can't find anything here... fuck, I'm totally screwed. It's gonna be loud as fuck when I'm thrashing around-- this house is super small and someone's always home. There's no fucking way I'm gonna be able to pull this off...

Sorry, I'm freaking out. Thanks for reading.

 

[deltahead]

maybe start looking into door anchors for fitness resistance bands? another forum user commented on their potential usefulness when propped up against a door.

 

[laiduponit]

If you don't mind me asking, what are you reasons?

Otherwise, I hope you find peace. I'd suggest doing something other then partial such as N but it is your way to go out.

 

[Uso]

maybe start looking into door anchors for fitness resistance bands? another forum user commented on their potential usefulness when propped up against a door.

Yeah I've seen that I think! Might be a good investment, but I'm scared of how loud it'll be with my body banging around against the door. Thank you for your suggestion, I really appreciate that you took the time to help.

If you don't mind me asking, what are you reasons?

Otherwise, I hope you find peace. I'd suggest doing something other then partial such as N but it is your way to go out.

It's complicated lol. Basically because I can't prove that this world is real, it must be fabricated and not governed by any tangible rules. Something terrifying can happen at any moment!!!!! How can you prove that you existed before this moment aside from your memory, which can be easily falsified and tampered with? And how can you prove that anything in the "present" is real either??? I don't trust anyone or anything, myself included. I don't want to go on living a fake life surrounded by fake people with a head full of fake memories, so I'm gonna catch the bus.

I know it sounds crazy. I wouldn't like it if someone else told me I wasn't real either. Sorry if that hurts your feelings.

 

[laiduponit]

You don't sound crazy at all. Honestly, you sound exactly like me so now I'm scared. I often get upset and cry because of derealization, where you start to become disconnected of reality and as though it never exists but as something that is falsified. I try to reassure myself by saying the famous quote of, "I think, therefore I am." though it doesn't often work. I honestly get what you're going through in the sense of trying to 'feel' reality. It really hurts, that is often why I drink, it makes me feel more connected to things more then I'm sober if that makes sense? If you want to talk outside of this then let me know, It would be comforting to speak with someone I can relate to, even if it is prior to you leaving.