Venting Well missed my bus.

[Vivacious_Vee]

I have plummeted right down again... cant even remember smiling earlier either....This sucks, tried again and then woke up? BUT my throat is red raw now. The sheets are plated so thick enough, read the mega post, read loads of posts.. I will just have to find another way, can feel the tears trying to appear, I hurt inside so bad, I am fed up with smiling when I just want to scream at people, really scream, right in their faces, it hurts so bad... I believed I could do this... but no, I need to get away asap, I need to catch my bus.

I do not want to be here, breathing the same air as my rapists, it is eating me alive the not knowing, not that I want to know, but knowing the are free to do this to others... when a system protects them? My life is a nightmare, just leaving, that is all, I want to go home, to feel strength again, not this BS. .

I want to end this, I want to die.... I cant tell anyone, they wont understand.

Easy ways to die,
hand grenade, dont have one or know anyone with one.
gun, farmers have one, I do not know any farmers
poison have none.

What do I have, a will to die
I have loads of borax, sodium thiophosphate and other stuff....

My life really sucks round about now and my throat burns like fuck. I have missed my bus.

I thought I had it too.... I thought I was there, floating, then boom, kind of like twitched awake, eyes where black and blue dots vision, then BOOM awake, if makes senesce, for a while

The banister is not strong enough, I would end up with splinters. Have seen some lush trees and know exactly where to go, BUT I would look sill walking around the woods with a ladder...

Alcohol and tablets? My mum is very ill and has a nice choice of meds, but if I take some, then she will feel bad and that is not a good thing to do to someone... This is harder than it needs to be... Tinnitus is full on too..

Anyway, not sure what I am goig to do tomorrow, will sort that tomorrow, thinking nto a good idea to tell anyone... I want to end this, I have to leave here. If i had a gun, I woul blow my brains out, if I had a handgrande would put it in my mouth, I just want to go home now please.... I do not belong here .....

I know plants, so will hurt for poison plants... Just feel broken again, with ringing in my ears... Have binned most of my clothes yesterday and loads of other items, so that means I have to bin the rest later...... I tried and failed at trying to hang myself. Pathetic.

Then to get comments to say it is not a race??? Who said it was??? Not me??? I want out, will get a razorblade tomorrow and use that, up the arms, neck and top of thighs.... AND before anyone says its not a race, stop judging and look at you and why you all chose those words. I want to how I feel and the nose in my ears, the only way to do that is CTB. I feel so stupid and back handed comments are not helping. I need to think this through I only have less than a day to do this. I have limited time HENCE THE QUICK DESISSIONS

 

[Scythe]

Quick advice, first of all, clam down before attempting, attempting when you are irrational/extremely emotional will lessen the chances of success. If you're gonna overdose, make sure to consume as many different types of drugs as possible. Your family will be affected either way so I don't think it matters if you overdose or not. If you are going the bleed out route stabbing your neck atery is way better than cutting with a razor blade.
Whatever you do, best of luck, and may you be at peace soon.

 

[Vivacious_Vee]

Quick advice, first of all, clam down before attempting, attempting when you are irrational/extremely emotional will lessen the chances of success. If you're gonna overdose, make sure to consume as many different types of drugs as possible. Your family will be affected either way so I don't think it matters if you overdose or not. If you are going the bleed out route stabbing your neck atery is way better than cutting with a razor blade.
Whatever you do, best of luck, and may you be at peace soon.

I spent the last few days reading. I am not being irrational. I felt so happy yesterday, so happy, knowing this feeling would be gone and the tinnitus would stop. Visiting family soon. Re neck, have no sharp knifes at home and there are never any around in shops I have seen, hence not having a sharp knife. thank you for your time x

 

[MrDarkness]

I was like that after I attempted I wanted to die so badly, I was shaking from despair. I plan on hanging down the line so maybe I'll fail again and have to deal with it again. I hope you find peace soon gl

 

[soft-flower345]

I can't imagine how awful and distressing it would feel to know your rapists got away with what they did, I hope you can find peace without suffering any further

 

[FuneralCry]

It disgusts me how suicide is purposely made so difficult in this hellish world, it's so inhumane how we cannot just leave reliably in peace without risks and complications, failing a suicide attempt is exactly what I fear. And to me saying "it's not a race" is totally ignorant and insensitive as some people desperately need to leave this world, other people aren't in the exact same situation so they shouldn't have any right to say that. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you search for, it's so horrible how there's all this endless suffering in this world.