There's so much things I want to do in life. Frankly, I want to draw my cartoon girls on twitter and not have to work, wish I had more self-discipline and control and all the things normal people have (self-concept, stand up for yourself, blah blah blah). I wish I could say in my room and do that and have like a nice following on twitter, wish I could perhaps if I wanted to become a character concept artist. Wish I could have like unlimited money wish I could enter the void state. I have like a whole list of things I wish I could manifest but you know. Here's my list if anyone's interested: And I wish I could revise my entire life let's put it that way.
I think in my life the most important thing was just... get the shotgun. Well, first focus on the mental health, the standing up for yourself, getting rid of trauma, self awareness/mindfulness, self esteem, yadda yadda. And tell my parents, "Hey look guys let's not focus on me getting a job or going to college yet." And then after that, after I'm mentally stable (and this should've been back in 2014-2015) THEN focus on getting a job. It doesn't matter where, as long it doesn't revolve around me driving because I didn't have a car yet. And then I just work, pay doesn't matter. Just work as long as I get the 12 gauge shotgun.
Oh and before then make sure I search up suicide methods religiously. Don't do anything, don't even test them out, just search them up. Just keep researching until I inevitably find out about a 12 gauge shotgun. Then research exactly where to shoot and how to fire to die instantly. And then once I do that THEN get the shotgun.
Oh but I think even while I'm doing that make a fake plan about my life. In other words just something I'd tell my parents for going to school. So go like I'd like to go to school and become a concept artist. And even if I did go to school it doesn't actually matter if I pass or fail, just as long as I have the shotgun. Although I'd have to wait for a long time before I shoot myself because we were hotel hopping.
And THEN after all that, find a nice place to shoot and then get it over with, Now back then I was afraid of going to hell. So just work on getting that out of my mind I'm not sure how. Maybe I could've said something like, "if god really loved me he wouldn't send me there." And that's how my life should've gone.
Well frankly I don't wanna do this, I just wanna live in my desired reality. And even if I can't I just wanna draw my cartoon girls but frankly I'm running out of time and I don't want to lose my sanity and end up hurting my family so I'll just kill myself. And uh I wish I never hurt people in my life, I tell myself it was all a bad dream, it feels like a bad dream, but it is what it is. You only got one life people.
Anyways that's the end of that. Have a nice day and all that. If I do come back I'll tell you, I might not be able to do this because it's getting late and the library closes in like 3 hours (I'm not actually going to the library, you know). Also as you've guessed my method is SN.
I think in my life the most important thing was just... get the shotgun. Well, first focus on the mental health, the standing up for yourself, getting rid of trauma, self awareness/mindfulness, self esteem, yadda yadda. And tell my parents, "Hey look guys let's not focus on me getting a job or going to college yet." And then after that, after I'm mentally stable (and this should've been back in 2014-2015) THEN focus on getting a job. It doesn't matter where, as long it doesn't revolve around me driving because I didn't have a car yet. And then I just work, pay doesn't matter. Just work as long as I get the 12 gauge shotgun.
Oh and before then make sure I search up suicide methods religiously. Don't do anything, don't even test them out, just search them up. Just keep researching until I inevitably find out about a 12 gauge shotgun. Then research exactly where to shoot and how to fire to die instantly. And then once I do that THEN get the shotgun.
Oh but I think even while I'm doing that make a fake plan about my life. In other words just something I'd tell my parents for going to school. So go like I'd like to go to school and become a concept artist. And even if I did go to school it doesn't actually matter if I pass or fail, just as long as I have the shotgun. Although I'd have to wait for a long time before I shoot myself because we were hotel hopping.
And THEN after all that, find a nice place to shoot and then get it over with, Now back then I was afraid of going to hell. So just work on getting that out of my mind I'm not sure how. Maybe I could've said something like, "if god really loved me he wouldn't send me there." And that's how my life should've gone.
Well frankly I don't wanna do this, I just wanna live in my desired reality. And even if I can't I just wanna draw my cartoon girls but frankly I'm running out of time and I don't want to lose my sanity and end up hurting my family so I'll just kill myself. And uh I wish I never hurt people in my life, I tell myself it was all a bad dream, it feels like a bad dream, but it is what it is. You only got one life people.
Anyways that's the end of that. Have a nice day and all that. If I do come back I'll tell you, I might not be able to do this because it's getting late and the library closes in like 3 hours (I'm not actually going to the library, you know). Also as you've guessed my method is SN.
