Welcome to my pity party...sn tomorrow

[Imamistakendumarsse]

Hey all...i've got all the things i need. Im planning to start my fast at around 2 pm tomorrow and then:
11:00 pm: paracetamol ~1000 mg( 2 650mg tabs so ill break one in half)
11:15 pm: 30mg metro
11:30 pm: 3 anti acid tabs
12:00 am: sn (~20gms...i weigh like 70kgs)
If things go according to plan with my folks sleeping at the correct times and me being able to fast without raising suspicion, then yeah ill document what i go through following which there will be a ban and i delete history etc..
If anything fails, then i shall inform and when i go, i shall go silently without raising a fuss here. Please dont ban me until i state that i have consumed the sn. Thank you for the guidance...but in all honesty, i wish i wasn't in the situation that deemed such guidance necessary. I wish i wasn't in the situation i am in right now. I wish i didn't have certain genetic limitations that ruined my self image. I wish i hadn't let things go so out of hand. I wish i had sought out therapy 4 years ago. Fuck me for being so pathetic.

Hey all...i've got all the things i need. Im planning to start my fast at around 2 pm tomorrow and then:
11:00 pm: paracetamol ~1000 mg( 2 650mg tabs so ill break one in half)+40 mg propranolo
11:15 pm: 30mg metro
11:30 pm: 3 anti acid tabs
12:00 am: sn (~20gms...i weigh like 70kgs)
If things go according to plan with my folks sleeping at the correct times and me being able to fast without raising suspicion, then yeah ill document what i go through following which there will be a ban and i delete history etc..
If anything fails, then i shall inform and when i go, i shall go silently without raising a fuss here. Please dont ban me until i state that i have consumed the sn. Thank you for the guidance...but in all honesty, i wish i wasn't in the situation that deemed such guidance necessary. I wish i wasn't in the situation i am in right now. I wish i didn't have certain genetic limitations that ruined my self image. I wish i hadn't let things go so out of hand. I wish i had sought out therapy 4 years ago. Fuck me for being so pathetic.

 

[FluffyDove]

I hope you find your peace x

 

[Ulisses]

peace and hugs. that you find your peace.

 

[Kumachan]

why dont you take one whole tablet tho? Isnt 2650mg better than a 1000?

 

[jgm63]

If you decide to proceed then wishing you a safe journey on to somewhere new....

 

[FriendofDeath]

If you aren't ready, can you check out alternatives? I certainly support your decision, whatever it might be. You aren't pathetic - you are hopeless. Very different to me. Tired of fighting. I hear that. But nothing is too late until you take that final step. What has gotten out of hand? What would have to change?

 

[Brackenshire]

If you choose to go i wish for you a calm heart and a peaceful journey friend. If decide to stay welcomed back

 

[woxihuanni]

I wish you peace whatever you choose to do. You are not pathetic, your frustration sounds like mine (though for different reasons). Remember the bus can always be caught and we are here for you.

 

[Flump]

 

[Imamistakendumarsse]

If you aren't ready, can you check out alternatives? I certainly support your decision, whatever it might be. You aren't pathetic - you are hopeless. Very different to me. Tired of fighting. I hear that. But nothing is too late until you take that final step. What has gotten out of hand? What would have to change?

What would have to change is me going back in time and not taking a decision that was made when it was emotionally fueled. I had decided that i would end it all ~4 years ago and thus took some risks that made certain events take place and now life has become a shit show. I wish i could move past it but the feelings come like a wave that im tired of fighting.

why dont you take one whole tablet tho? Isnt 2650mg better than a 1000?

Yeah im not sure about that...it says 1000 mg everywhere...will 1300mg be better?

 

[Quarky00]

I understand where that is coming from but you are not pathetic You sound very determined but I would give it a second thought to be sure this is what you want . I understand you're in a lot of pain , and it has been going for years , you cry in angst and despair , and the thought of ctb and planning it brings a big relief . That death would bring peace . My personal perspective is to make sure you have explored all options , not impulsive , and really don't have even a 1% of some hope , for some change .. for some 'bearable' future .

 

[Imamistakendumarsse]

I understand where that is coming from but you are not pathetic You sound very determined but I would give it a second thought to be sure this is what you want . I understand you're in a lot of pain , and it has been going for years , you cry in angst and despair , and the thought of ctb and planning it brings a big relief . That death would bring peace . My personal perspective is to make sure you have explored all options , not impulsive , and really don't have even a 1% of some hope , for some change .. for some 'bearable' future .

I've thought a lot about it...i've tried to heal and have had days where it feels goo...but i come back to the same shit feeling eventually and im tired of the ups and downs...i just dont see the point..i means if i saw a reason for life id stay but i just dont see the poiny

 

[Imamistakendumarsse]

Update guys...i had to break my fast so i wont be doing it today...i may update with the journey if i feel like it...or i may go alone...thanks for everything..until the end ill still lurk here for info so this isn't exactly a goodbye thread so dont ban me pls lol

 

[TriggerHappy]

Peace & Hugs (2 quote Ulisses)
Privacy & Drugs (too much too little - never enuff!)
Delays & Shrugs (got yr update: u have unconditional love & support)

 

[Abir_london]

I wonder what the OP is up to?

 

[booray]

I wonder what the OP is up to?

If you look at all their threads, OP took SN four days later and presumably caught the bus.