Venting Weird state, idk how to explain it

[MrDarkness]

So like I wanna ctb, I can via a belt if I tried, but I don't feel like dying now, but if I died I wouldn't care. Like I'm not scared of death, maybe it's depression, wanting to ctb isn't normal. No proper brain wants to die. Not an insult to anyone btw, like maybe I'll try tonight, do a test run again. Idk anymore, I feel so hollow and empty, nothing feels real.
Maybe I gotta go out and speak to people instead of rotting in my room.

 

[Daxter_87]

wanting to ctb isn't normal. No proper brain wants to die.

Nothing wrong with wanting to CTB. If anything, I would argue that it's the other way around. Not encouraging you to do it, of course, as that's your decision.

Regardless of that, I understand you and relate to your situation. Stuck in a limbo, where you certainly don't find life appealing, but you just can't get yourself to finally CTB. It's passive suicidality. If something tragic happened to us, then that event probably would be the push that turned passive suicidality into active suicidality.

 

[MrDarkness]

Nothing wrong with wanting to CTB. If anything, I would argue that it's the other way around. Not encouraging you to do it, of course, as that's your decision.

Regardless of that, I understand you and relate to your situation. Stuck in a limbo, where you certainly don't find life appealing, but you just can't get yourself to finally CTB. It's passive suicidality. If something tragic happened to us, then that event probably would be the push that turned passive suicidality into active suicidality.

Best decision I took was taking a psych class, I learned that people when they attempt suicide, your brain is going to crazy, it doesn't know what to do, if you aren't in this state SI will kick in, that's why people are able to pull the trigger or kick the chair. It's sad thinking about

 

[worstOFsociety]

don't go through with ctb if you don't actually want to or are unsure. Of course if that is really what you want I'm not gonna stop you and I hope it'll go smoothly. But it kinda sounds to me like you don't really want to. Nothing wrong with going through with it life's a shithole but just make sure that is actually what you want. If you want to give life a second shot you can still do that as well there is help around if you want it. Either way just make sure you make a decision that leads to the outcome you actually want to achive. I'm all for helping others find as peaceful of a ending as possible but I'm also all for making sure that's actually what the person wants. Regardless you don't need to justify yourself for why you want to ctb if that's what you want I get it I'll do it too eventually once I got everything in order to go through with it. But yea make sure to reflect on it and make sure this is what you want. Wish you luck with whatever you decide to do, hope peace finds you.

 

[michellette]

I was recently at a first therapy session and I got asked about my hobbies. They all involve me looking at a screen or staying at home.

My therapist told me that there is no wonder that I am depressed/suicidal. So going out might really help you if it is something you want, to get better. I did and it helped me.

Nonetheless, I hope whatever you decide on you will find happiness <3

 

[Hollowman]

don't go through with ctb if you don't actually want to or are unsure. Of course if that is really what you want I'm not gonna stop you and I hope it'll go smoothly. But it kinda sounds to me like you don't really want to. Nothing wrong with going through with it life's a shithole but just make sure that is actually what you want. If you want to give life a second shot you can still do that as well there is help around if you want it. Either way just make sure you make a decision that leads to the outcome you actually want to achive. I'm all for helping others find as peaceful of a ending as possible but I'm also all for making sure that's actually what the person wants. Regardless you don't need to justify yourself for why you want to ctb if that's what you want I get it I'll do it too eventually once I got everything in order to go through with it. But yea make sure to reflect on it and make sure this is what you want. Wish you luck with whatever you decide to do, hope peace finds you.

There's help around? Where? I've seen 6 psychiatrists and been on at least 25 meds. It didn't help.

 

[worstOFsociety]

There's help around? Where? I've seen 6 psychiatrists and been on at least 25 meds. It didn't help.

it doesn't work for everyone but there are recources out there, trash ass recources but it works for some people. Didn't work for me either but it doesn't mean it won't work for anybody else. Think the main issues nowadays is that therapists and psychologists can't help with the same tools as effectively as they could before cause we have access to so much info through the net. They need to evolve their way of treating their patients and I don't have a solution or suggestion on how to fix this problem. But telling people the same old shit over and over isn't helping the majority of people. Been through maybe 12 different people in the mental health scene, therapsist, psychologists, doctors. And none of them helped in the long run. But if it works for somebody else it works for somebody else and Im not gonna tell them to not give it a shot. I'm all for ctb do what you want with your life and body but I rather people are sure of their decision. If you want to ctb Im all for it and hope it goes smoothly, I don't mind trying to help you on that journey either. But if someone isn't sure of what they want I will remind them that if they want to give life a second shot they can give it a try. It's up to them, their life, their body, their choice all I'm doing is reminding them that they have options.

At the end of the day I feel like the mental health scene here at least doesn't have close to enough recources to be effective and feel like they fail more often than not. Think Im a prime example of someone who's been failed by the system again and again. As again I've seen around 12 different people from the mental health scene not to mention multiple doctors appointments to regulate my meds. At one point they were pretty much just like "here's your meds, bye" cause I was out of sessions. Regardless it works for some people so not gonna take that away from them simply cause it didn't work for me.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I see myself here a bit. On the one hand side I want to CTB so much and everything is prepared and ready but on the other handside I want to go on still trying if things could change because life would be ok then, too. From a natural behaviour ctb isn't wanted and therefore our brains try to interfere although ctb may be the only logic consequence in certain personal situations. I can also relate to feeling empty most of the time. Really dunno.

 

[MrDarkness]

don't go through with ctb if you don't actually want to or are unsure. Of course if that is really what you want I'm not gonna stop you and I hope it'll go smoothly. But it kinda sounds to me like you don't really want to. Nothing wrong with going through with it life's a shithole but just make sure that is actually what you want. If you want to give life a second shot you can still do that as well there is help around if you want it. Either way just make sure you make a decision that leads to the outcome you actually want to achive. I'm all for helping others find as peaceful of a ending as possible but I'm also all for making sure that's actually what the person wants. Regardless you don't need to justify yourself for why you want to ctb if that's what you want I get it I'll do it too eventually once I got everything in order to go through with it. But yea make sure to reflect on it and make sure this is what you want. Wish you luck with whatever you decide to do, hope peace finds you.

See that's the issue, I want to die, but I feel my time isn't here yet, idk I'm just so tired

I was recently at a first therapy session and I got asked about my hobbies. They all involve me looking at a screen or staying at home.

My therapist told me that there is no wonder that I am depressed/suicidal. So going out might really help you if it is something you want, to get better. I did and it helped me.

Nonetheless, I hope whatever you decide on you will find happiness <3

Yeah I gotta find a hobby that gets me active, I just don't have any energy

 

[worstOFsociety]

See that's the issue, I want to die, but I feel my time isn't here yet, idk I'm just so tired

In that case maybe just get everything you need ready for when you feel that it is your time and try new things while your still here, experience new things

 

[Victim.Of.Life]

Maybe I gotta go out and speak to people instead of rotting in my room.

A bit off topic, but are you also 24/7 living in your room?
Am I not the only one?