We are a Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) system currently in a psych ward receiving Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT). You’re welcome to ask away!

[wildflowercloud]

Hey guys,

The three darkest periods of our life has been throughout our trauma (childhood and adulthood), the realizations that have happened over the past couple of years where we have been experiencing horrific repressed trauma, and now.

We have said we have been at rock bottom so many times it feels ridiculous, but honestly, this rock bottom that we're at right now, we hope so deeply that it is our last rock bottom and that we are soon set free by our suicide. We are in indescribable emotional agony every time we simply breathe. We never had a chance from the start, the horrors that happened and persist are devastating, and we're ready to go.

We have zero, we mean ZERO, hope for our life. Leading up to this admission we were an absolute mess and our community mental health team decided it wasn't fair on us to be going through what we are without more support in place. We are extremely grateful and thankful for our team and how hard they're fighting for us, and we have no idea what to do anymore except for ending our life, and of course they can't let us do that, so we've been accepting the help even though we have no hope in it because we don't want to be ungrateful and not give things a try when it's being offered to us, as lots of people don't get anywhere near as much help and support as we do, we are incredibly lucky, so here we are.

We're currently in a psych ward in NZ receiving ECT for our severe depression. Our psychiatrist here is very experienced with PTSD / C-PTSD so we're trying to trust him and his treatment approaches. The thinking is that the depression feeds the trauma struggles, and the trauma struggles feed the depression, and if our depression lifts, we might become more resilient in coping with our trauma. We see where he is coming from, but fuck, even without depression, the level of human depravity that has made its home into our bones over years and years of horrific trauma, it's too much for one person to carry. We can't do it. We don't want to do it. We're tired. We're so, so tired. Trauma therapy isn't much of an option because we need a certain level of stability to be able to go through that, and there are also many alters who are completely against it. Suicide feels inevitable.

We don't know for definite how we're going to end our life with where we are at, but while we are still here, we're happy to answer any questions or wonderings people may have about any of these experiences. We're by no means experts, but yeah just let us know.

It's nice to have some human connection with lots of people who can understand, so if you read all of this, thank you so much for taking the time out to read a bit about us and helping us feel seen, we really really appreciate it.

Sending warm energy and safe hugs to all who want or need them

 

[SVEN]

Sorry things are still so dark for you, it's been a hard journey for you thus far, best wishes.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck! I hope both of you find peace! All the best!

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

As another DID system currently in the process of trying to cope with (emerging) horrific trauma, all our thoughts go out to you <3 I hope recovery is in the cards for your system and the pain lifts. Good luck friends

 

[Forveleth]

I'm sorry life has brought you to this point. DID is a heavy load both in its current form and the trauma from which it is borne.

Curious to know if the ECT affects each of your alters differently? Do some have side effects and some do not? Are there any alters who are more/less agreeable to the treatment? I have never heard of a system getting ECT so I am very curious.

 

[needthebus]

Trigger warning, these questions could be triggering.

A person once discussed ECT therapy when I was sad. I did research on it and saw many, many accounts of people who had horrfic extreme memory loss.

When ECT was discussed, this side effect seemed minimized, like it could possibly lead to mild memory issues and they might resolve.

From everything I read, it was significantly worse among almost everyone who had done it who posted about it. I am not a scientologist or anti-science.

After that experience, I was extraordinarily skeptical of the psychiatric industry, as that side effect was not clearly explained to me.

So my question is, did they explain clearly the severity of memory loss than can happen with ECT and that many people experience it to a severe degree?

My next question is, is this totally completely voluntary, or are you being pressured at all in the slightest to have ECT? Or do you not a have a choice.

Full disclosure: I am likely coming into this with a ceitical perspective, as from everything I've read, ECT, much like lobotomies are life altering in their side effects and many go into it not fully being able to appreciate the effects due to depression.

I also believe in the future that ECT will be viewed the same way as ice pick lobotomies, with the same horror due to the fact that both are abusive inhumane and bizarre medical practices.