Venting Watching someone you love turn into a dismissive asshole is among the worst things.

[Lambybahhhhhh]

Some say loving someone is never a mistake, but it truly feels like it now. I've been there for this person at their lowest and still have been recently. When they wouldn't stop talking about ending their life, I was there. I was there when they drank until they blacked out. I was there even when they didn't appreciate me. I was there even when I was going through my own struggles. I controlled my emotions because I didn't want to make them feel unlovable. I want to pretend like it doesn't hurt. That it doesn't hurt watching someone who said they'd be there for you through thick and thin, that you won't regret giving them a second chance, that they'll comfort and reassure you, that they love you above everything else. Talking about this I wonder if it was just love bombing from their part. But I don't want to disregard the feelings of affection they might have for me.

It hurts to watch them change because I know they weren't like this when life wasn't destroying them from every angle. I know I can't ask someone to be completely there through such hard times, but is expecting them not to be an asshole too much? They have acted and said how the entire world is falling onto them yet now tell me I have a victim mentality, because Im hurt by being told that im pissing them off. They asked me to consider the "context" of when they said that and among other things. It truly, wholeheartedly, pisses me off. I understand we're just human and we can get ticked off. But labelling my feelings as "victim mentality"? It makes me regret any time I ever was gentle with this person. Right now the only thing bringing me comfort is the thought of not being here anymore. Im tired from my parent's divorce and my dad asking me if I prefer my mom over him. Im so tired. God. Maybe im crazy, but fuck man Im so tired. I just wish they were gentle with me, I just wish someone loved me holy fuck. I really do. But I know im not innocent. I do hate them. I let myself believe that they'll change, that people improve because they SAY they love you. But it's just simply not true. I came to terms with this truth and I decided I don't want to be apart of this anymore. I don't. I really, really dont. Having someone say they love you more than anything just to let you down constantly, I can'f deal with it anymore not after this. I just wish we had worked out, and I wish my parents and friends can get over my death.

If someone could redirect me to some methods to ctb, I would be grateful.

 

[butimstillsoblue]

I completely agree - allowing myself to love someone with my whole heart - caring for them and supporting them through hard times, using everything I had - only to be dumped when it was my turn to need some support - all makes me feel like loving them was a mistake. They became a different person, a complete arsehole. I have so much regret for the years I wasted giving so much of myself.

I'm not comfortable directing anyone to methods, but I do want to say that I hear what you've said and can relate 100%.