S
sweet_oblivion
Member
- Apr 18, 2022
- 37
Two people I knew have committed in the last few weeks. One of them I hadn't seen in a few years, and the other I was friends with but not close. After the initial sadness all I felt was envy. Having to watch my parents' shock at how anyone could do that to themselves, their sadness and disbelief might have been the hardest thing. Having to sit there and act as if I hadn't arranged a detailed plan to do the same and that these deaths have only postponed it. So now I'm just sat here wondering how life could be so fucking ironic that the day I planned to ctb was the day that it was announced that the first person had committed.
Being a suicidal mourner of a suicide feels hypocritical and wrong, like I miss them both but unlike the people around me I understand why they did it. Most of all I just wish I was dead too, the thought of ctb was my only motivation for months and now the day has passed, I'm still here and I'm completely lost.
Being a suicidal mourner of a suicide feels hypocritical and wrong, like I miss them both but unlike the people around me I understand why they did it. Most of all I just wish I was dead too, the thought of ctb was my only motivation for months and now the day has passed, I'm still here and I'm completely lost.