I read people who tend to such a behavior tend to believe in conspiracies.
I copy paste the following it might add value to this thread:
The reasons why people believe in conspiracy theories are diverse and complex. However, some studies have shown that certain personal and social factors can contribute to the belief in conspiracy theories . Here are some of these factors:
It is not the same as the behavior which is described in the title but such factors can play a role too I think. Especially the personality, one's personal hopes and fears. I often tend to overanalyze things that happen to me. I tend to overinterpret things. But I am quite good at adding thoughtful thoughts to such events because I observe them from different perspectives. However you can get lost in that and I am not the only one. I think enlightenment made the people suspicious of the faith in God. They noticed their brain is nudged into the desire for an eternal life, justice in the afterlife etc. When the people lost their faith they still had this desire for meaning. And not a few of them became spiritual and the there is an increase in the popularity of esotericism. I don't believe in the latter one at all. For example horoscopes they are writen so general and everyone can take away what they prefer out of them. It is so vague but it exploits the human desire for meaning and a higher purpose. One could add maybe a certain creator wanted that desire in people. And the people who follow that get rewarded. The thing is life is simply not fair. So many children got abused, tortured etc. in human history. They did not deserve that at all and it still happened. This is no proof against the existence of God. But the theodicy question invoked doubts in many people. How could an allmighty God let Auschwitz happen.
I am not sure where to position myself. I would prefer there is no God and no afterlife. The possibility would just scare me. Life treated me like shit who guarantees me this shit is not going on afterwards. So in the contrast to what my former religion teacher told me believing in God is not something that won't do damage to you. There would be only benefits in believing in him was his claim.
I wrote several threads which are connected to the question in the title. For example (not the exact names of the threads)
I have the feeling my life is like a simulation that's sole purpose it is to torture me. Does life actually punish people who want to be good?
Or the following thread about cynicism of mine. Shit I cannot find it. But I did a "strange" one about humor as a coping mechanism. This might be the one I am not sure.
sanctioned-suicide.net
Someone once told me I have no sense of good humor because of this thread.
Here comes why I think all of this is connected. I also read threads from other people like I feel like I am cursed. I cannot guarantee something like does not exist. Though personally I don't believe in it. There is an other more mundande phenomen which is responsible for that. If you have like me one huge problem like a destroyed nervous system that cannot be fixed (due to child abuse) the problems simply accumulate. My grandma once responded how can one person have so much unluck like me. Well abuse the shit out of children and they will become wrecks prone to committing suicide it is that simple. The one big existential issue is just like magnet for more issues to come. Some also have several of such magnetic problems. I considered to make a thread which conditions/problems attract which further issues and tend to push the person in a corner/to ctb. But the topic is so complex that I cannot provide a proper nuanced thread. Back to the core of the thread. The experience that this one problem leads to more problems can feel like a curse. But it is rather an underlying mechanism what major issues have in common. (the magnet thing). And well the society is responsible for that too. They expect people to function. Therapy and psychotherapy often have the motto work is important for one's health and self-confidence. So many people have this stance. Well it does not apply to me. It triggers the shit out of me. Welfare is not enough to survive. Therapies are not paid forever. I am just a wreck and the society expects to function. Well people like me get given up from their therapists.
There is no magic involved. It is simply brutal biology. Darwinism. There is much stigmatization around ill or depressed people. There is so much judging.
Got into a big argument with my family for openly expressing how horrible I feel and that I might collapse. My mom guiltripped me for considering going to a clinic or taking a break at college. I am out of the flow.
The random events are just nightmarish experiences for us fellow sufferers. It is partly random because there is no higher meaning behind that. Depression also has for some people the symptom that it feels like a higher power wants to punish them. I consider this irrational. This is why atheism helped me to be move on. I try to be utilitarian. I benefit from atheism this is why I believe that. Nothingness comforts me. I don't want that there is meaning in all of that. I prefer simple rationality and logic as a way to fix things. I can say to me well the abuse made me a broken person I am not responsible for it. There are these pathologies which drive me to hate myself. It is pathological and I am not responsible for that. There is no higher power that has a plan for justice otherwise my torment had a good reason. It is just cruel but with no good reason. So these are some reasons why I try to avoid spirtualism or hope for a higher being.
But I catch myself from time to time with thoughts like maybe I am in a torture simulation. Or this curse thought. But it just irrational. This is what helps.
But here comes this cynicism and humor thing. There is something absurd in getting tortured daily. It is hard to put in words. I think I did that better in the thread I linked. I related to Kafka's humor. Getting pushed with the back against the wall, the end comes closer and closer and you basically cannot do anything against it. There is something comical in that. The moment you realize there is no way out except suicide. The unbelievable pain you endured is meaningless. I had this moment when I was in a clinic acute suicidal after my second breakdown. I realized my illness cyclic. There is no happy end for me. I gonna kill myself. It was an insane experience to realize that. I had the thought my personal suicide is the cherry on the top on all that pain, child abuse and bullying. All of them win and I am going to die a painful death. There is something tragic in that but I guess this is simply life. Some win, some lose. And the one's who are in my position get criminalized for not wanting to to get shred into pieces by a train where there is a high risk to survive as a vegetable for the coming 5 decades in excruciating pain. There is some dark humor in it. Or at least one can cope with dark humor like with the abbreviation ctb - catch the bus. Everything is so meaninglss so cynic and so many people make it even worse. The society does not care. Do not acknowledge that cases like mine exist. Wanting to get rid of the only place where I can vent every single day without a fear to get forced to a clinic. There is so much cynicsm in a destroyed life that analyzing the pain can get painful itself. Sometimes you have to say well stop. There is no need to dissect it further. It is what it is. We cannot change it. Just try to forget it.
I copy paste the following it might add value to this thread:
The reasons why people believe in conspiracy theories are diverse and complex. However, some studies have shown that certain personal and social factors can contribute to the belief in conspiracy theories . Here are some of these factors:
- Uncertainty and ambiguity: Uncertainty and ambiguity can lead people to search for simple explanations to alleviate their fears. Conspiracy theories often provide simple explanations for complex events and can therefore be attractive to some people .
- Lack of trust in government and institutions: People who have no trust in government and institutions are more likely to believe in conspiracy theories. They may feel that they are being lied to or deceived by official sources .
- Social identity: People may believe in conspiracy theories to strengthen their social identity. They may feel that they are part of a group that is fighting against a perceived threat .
- Personality: Some studies have shown that certain personality traits such as paranoia, narcissism, and authoritarianism can contribute to the belief in conspiracy theories .
- Media use: People who frequently use social media or move around in filter bubbles are more likely to believe in conspiracy theories. They may be in an environment where their views are reinforced and alternative perspectives are suppressed .
It is not the same as the behavior which is described in the title but such factors can play a role too I think. Especially the personality, one's personal hopes and fears. I often tend to overanalyze things that happen to me. I tend to overinterpret things. But I am quite good at adding thoughtful thoughts to such events because I observe them from different perspectives. However you can get lost in that and I am not the only one. I think enlightenment made the people suspicious of the faith in God. They noticed their brain is nudged into the desire for an eternal life, justice in the afterlife etc. When the people lost their faith they still had this desire for meaning. And not a few of them became spiritual and the there is an increase in the popularity of esotericism. I don't believe in the latter one at all. For example horoscopes they are writen so general and everyone can take away what they prefer out of them. It is so vague but it exploits the human desire for meaning and a higher purpose. One could add maybe a certain creator wanted that desire in people. And the people who follow that get rewarded. The thing is life is simply not fair. So many children got abused, tortured etc. in human history. They did not deserve that at all and it still happened. This is no proof against the existence of God. But the theodicy question invoked doubts in many people. How could an allmighty God let Auschwitz happen.
I am not sure where to position myself. I would prefer there is no God and no afterlife. The possibility would just scare me. Life treated me like shit who guarantees me this shit is not going on afterwards. So in the contrast to what my former religion teacher told me believing in God is not something that won't do damage to you. There would be only benefits in believing in him was his claim.
I wrote several threads which are connected to the question in the title. For example (not the exact names of the threads)
I have the feeling my life is like a simulation that's sole purpose it is to torture me. Does life actually punish people who want to be good?
Or the following thread about cynicism of mine. Shit I cannot find it. But I did a "strange" one about humor as a coping mechanism. This might be the one I am not sure.
Humor, pain and suicidality
I was not sure how I should begin with this post. In media it is often perceived as playing down suicide when we use terms like catch the bus. I have read comments on SS that for many people humor takes the edge of pain when you can make jokes about it. During my most cruel times with extreme...
sanctioned-suicide.net
Here comes why I think all of this is connected. I also read threads from other people like I feel like I am cursed. I cannot guarantee something like does not exist. Though personally I don't believe in it. There is an other more mundande phenomen which is responsible for that. If you have like me one huge problem like a destroyed nervous system that cannot be fixed (due to child abuse) the problems simply accumulate. My grandma once responded how can one person have so much unluck like me. Well abuse the shit out of children and they will become wrecks prone to committing suicide it is that simple. The one big existential issue is just like magnet for more issues to come. Some also have several of such magnetic problems. I considered to make a thread which conditions/problems attract which further issues and tend to push the person in a corner/to ctb. But the topic is so complex that I cannot provide a proper nuanced thread. Back to the core of the thread. The experience that this one problem leads to more problems can feel like a curse. But it is rather an underlying mechanism what major issues have in common. (the magnet thing). And well the society is responsible for that too. They expect people to function. Therapy and psychotherapy often have the motto work is important for one's health and self-confidence. So many people have this stance. Well it does not apply to me. It triggers the shit out of me. Welfare is not enough to survive. Therapies are not paid forever. I am just a wreck and the society expects to function. Well people like me get given up from their therapists.
There is no magic involved. It is simply brutal biology. Darwinism. There is much stigmatization around ill or depressed people. There is so much judging.
Got into a big argument with my family for openly expressing how horrible I feel and that I might collapse. My mom guiltripped me for considering going to a clinic or taking a break at college. I am out of the flow.
The random events are just nightmarish experiences for us fellow sufferers. It is partly random because there is no higher meaning behind that. Depression also has for some people the symptom that it feels like a higher power wants to punish them. I consider this irrational. This is why atheism helped me to be move on. I try to be utilitarian. I benefit from atheism this is why I believe that. Nothingness comforts me. I don't want that there is meaning in all of that. I prefer simple rationality and logic as a way to fix things. I can say to me well the abuse made me a broken person I am not responsible for it. There are these pathologies which drive me to hate myself. It is pathological and I am not responsible for that. There is no higher power that has a plan for justice otherwise my torment had a good reason. It is just cruel but with no good reason. So these are some reasons why I try to avoid spirtualism or hope for a higher being.
But I catch myself from time to time with thoughts like maybe I am in a torture simulation. Or this curse thought. But it just irrational. This is what helps.
But here comes this cynicism and humor thing. There is something absurd in getting tortured daily. It is hard to put in words. I think I did that better in the thread I linked. I related to Kafka's humor. Getting pushed with the back against the wall, the end comes closer and closer and you basically cannot do anything against it. There is something comical in that. The moment you realize there is no way out except suicide. The unbelievable pain you endured is meaningless. I had this moment when I was in a clinic acute suicidal after my second breakdown. I realized my illness cyclic. There is no happy end for me. I gonna kill myself. It was an insane experience to realize that. I had the thought my personal suicide is the cherry on the top on all that pain, child abuse and bullying. All of them win and I am going to die a painful death. There is something tragic in that but I guess this is simply life. Some win, some lose. And the one's who are in my position get criminalized for not wanting to to get shred into pieces by a train where there is a high risk to survive as a vegetable for the coming 5 decades in excruciating pain. There is some dark humor in it. Or at least one can cope with dark humor like with the abbreviation ctb - catch the bus. Everything is so meaninglss so cynic and so many people make it even worse. The society does not care. Do not acknowledge that cases like mine exist. Wanting to get rid of the only place where I can vent every single day without a fear to get forced to a clinic. There is so much cynicsm in a destroyed life that analyzing the pain can get painful itself. Sometimes you have to say well stop. There is no need to dissect it further. It is what it is. We cannot change it. Just try to forget it.
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