Venting Wanting to die while I'm low

[lylas]

I feel like, right now, I'm full of pescimism and rolling around in it and I kind of want to hold onto this feeling and convince myself to die while I'm in it. I know that I don't always feel this way, but, I want to spare myself the pain of ever crashing again. I don't want to let myself get back into a state of struggling on when I'm close to making that absolute choice. I really did believe a while ago that I would never be like this again and I don't want that to be built and shattered again. In all honesty this is probably a blip and in a while I'll be over it and feel the warm light of hope on my skin again. And maybe this really will be the last time it gets this bad.

 

[Whatshouldmynamebe]

I relate to this, though I know I will feel like this again, I would very much like to just rip the band aid off if you know what I mean. Have you been diagnosed major depressive disorder? Seems likely with Episodic depressions

 

[lylas]

Have you been diagnosed major depressive disorder? Seems likely with Episodic depressions

No, but I probably haven't done as much as I should to seek mental health support either. I don't see myself as an overwhelmingly depressed person and when I hit these extremes it is usually caused by some event reminding me that things aren't as stable and positive as I thought.

 

[dumpsterfire]

all i can say is that death is permanent, be sure you're ready before you catch the next bus.

 

[todiefor]

I totally relate to this. Bad feelings inevitably fade as they are replaced by new bad or good feelings, but the logic is still the same. I sometimes want to write notes to my future self to remind me how it felt at the worst, to never forget that it is a feeling that I cannot cope with.

 

[Whatshouldmynamebe]

I totally relate to this. Bad feelings inevitably fade as they are replaced by new bad or good feelings, but the logic is still the same. I sometimes want to write notes to my future self to remind me how it felt at the worst, to never forget that it is a feeling that I cannot cope with.

I actuallly am writing notes to remind myself how horrible this all feels