I agree. I don't understand how people can't comprehend the fact that life will just never get better for some people and that sometimes it's just best to let them die with some semblance of dignity left before they start to morph into something completely unrecognizable and horrific.
For me, not wanting to live this life and wanting to die are one and the same because I see death as the only way I escape this torment.
Exactly.
I find it odd and completely un able to understand why my parents let and watch me deteriorate into a once peace loving hippie type into a monster who bashes raccoons heads in with baseball bats, letting me go months without a shower , sitting there watching me go into a panic attack and doing nothing about it but filming it, letting me sell everything I care about, letting me mutilate myself, then go out of their way to try to stop me from killing myself saying suicide "is the end of everything it's a big deal" its also a big deal to buy meth for a kid, also big deal to leave me sick in my room pissing on myself, also big deal watching a once brilliant person decline so much he can't even answer simple questions without saying I want to die as a answer.
Also big deal I have to wreck and destroy the house and vandalize peoples property as a cry for help to take me seriously but they do nothing. I can be breaking into houses and they do nothing.
I never had a bad bone in my body. Used to put others over myself. Give out money for free. You get the idea.
Now I've turned into a monster that I can't even look into the mirror. I've lost myself to the point that I deserve a bullet to the brain. When it's entirely my parents fault for not getting me help, like medication, I used to be on over 10 different drugs plus vitamins on top. Only to be yanked off and only have 1 drug that barely works, just gets me to brush teeth and be able to eat, shit and sleep, then repeat!
no purpose.
It's Also so fucking hard to get money, the essential thing to buy anything I need without begging screaming to the point blood vessels in my eyes burst literally, and getting fucked in the ass for a measly amount of money. My life is so fucked far more than my shit parents realize.
I'm not a bad person I never was but they made me into a piece of shit just like themselves.
They are so lucky I don't cripple them paralyze them before I ctb. They deserve to suffer for making me suffer.
I know a man who has a kid and he goes above and beyond. Got a real estate career as a landlord to become rich all for his son, spends 6 figure numbers on him. THATS a proper parent! When he sees his son declining in ANY way at all he immediately intervenes and does what it takes to pull him back and straighten him out.
While my parents let me run around selling my ass for a couple dollars, really? And not showering with sores ozing on my face, they do nothing. But they try the futile attempt to talk me out of suicide and restrict humane methods. While I say I will drink methanol and blind myself they do nothing.
I believe they are fucking sadists! Narcissistic pieces of shit.
I will Just let them clean up my brains everywhere after I take a 12ga 3" deer slug to the head.
As much as I want "dad" to go to prison for doing this to me and refusing to get me help. It's actually illegal to know someone Is suicidal and not get them help especially when they want help. He says oh they won't give ya what ya want when I specifically said all i need is the money and I will buy the meds myself. He wants to push off shitty psych drugs that I will fucking FLUSH than take.
Everyone must have at least 1 thing they really want or need. If people can buy 60k pianos why can't I pick and choose what drugs I want and what I know I need for my specific issues.
I acknowledge my problems I know what needs to be done like fixing the rotting abcess in my mouth thats spreading for 2 years now. What kind of sorry sack of shit can't come up with $1000 for 1 ONE TIME THING before it turns into sepsis and then costs even more money then before? 2 grown ass parents can't care for their deteriorating kid? Just one kid as well. Sad.
Honest question to you guys here. What's your theory on why they do this? Why can't they " do the thing" and get me together?
If shitty ass parents can't promise me a good life and care for their clearly disabled kid then give me the means to kill myself so you won't have to deal with me destroying your house from my anger caused by your lack of empathy. Sorry your shitty parents ruined you but don't ruin me too.
All I want is a fast swift death now. I will maybe find a way to get dad in trouble with the law,
