Wanting to CTB over past trauma and mistakes. Feeling like I ruined my life. Heavy drug use

[seekingrelease22]

So around 13 I moved to California with my family from Georgia. My life was fairly normal up until this point. However when we moved my family started arguing a lot. I rebelled and used drugs. My family at the age of 13 sent me away to troubled teen industry programs in Utah and Arizona. At these programs I was assaulted sexually. I came out of the programs and my own father started to give me weed and alcohol out of pity at age 14. I feel the unresolved trauma of being sent away and having my father give me drugs really messed me up. I developed hypersexuality as a result of all these issues. Masturbating yo intrusive sexual thoughts of the assault which caused ED for me when I had the opprotuinity with girls in the past. I started suffering from bipolar disorder at around age 16. Then at age 17 I started abusing meth for 3-4 months. I'm recently sober again, but I just feel like if not worth living. I'm scared as I'm so young so I want to think I can have a happy life, but I don't believe it to be possible anymore. It tortures me thinking what my life could've been like if I didn't use substances. I'm just stuck in my head all day. I wish I could go back in time and change the past so much. I don't believe in god. My father is now as an adult supporting me fully financially and willing to work with me on everything. But I just don't see the point.

 

[wagner2029]

Easy CTB is not possible, but as you are still young and have your father supporting you to give yourself a second chance, sometimes it is difficult to have hope in the future, but things can work out.
but if you have already decided, research inert gas, nitrogen, argon or helium, exit bag.
sodium nitrite,
propranolol,
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