Discussion Wanting to control how people handle my death

[GongLiFang]

So, I have been picturing and planning my suicide for years now and one thing has always remained consistent with the many changes and that is that I wish I had some power of how things are dealt with when I am gone.

I know there are a few things in my power, sifting through my belongings and digital footprint to clear out and get rid of all the stuff I think isn't worth being around. But, I feel agitated that I can't will people to forget me since that is how I am seeing my suicide.
I am not leaving any notes, I am burying journals, and I am deleting any files that have my internal thoughts on them because for me my death is essentially reversing the decision of life that I had no control over. Not only that, but I am a bland, lazy, and fearful and that doesn't really need to be "remembered" or "honoured" I wish that people could see how insignificant my life is and get on with it and be free to be happy in their lives.

Anyways, if anyone else has any thoughts on this topic I would like to discuss.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way I see it, when we die we will no longer exist. It cannot matter to us how others react after we die as we will not be there to see it. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I am not leaving any notes, I am burying journals, and I am deleting any files that have my internal thoughts on them because for me my death is essentially reversing the decision of life that I had no control over. Not only that, but I am a bland, lazy, and fearful and that doesn't really need to be "remembered" or "honoured" I wish that people could see how insignificant my life is and get on with it and be free to be happy in their lives.

It's an interesting way to look at death as reversing being alive. I've never thought of it like that before but I find this comforting. Almost like all the mistakes I've made could be reversed too though I know that isn't possible. Still comforting nonetheless. I've always cultivated a fake persona for those who interact with me in person so when I die they'll probably be mourning that side of me and not even know much of who I actually was. I sometimes find this sad that no one will ever know the real me but I can relate to what you said in the latter part of what I quoted. I'm not sure how I'd feel about the real me being "honored" since the real me is so awful.

Ideally I'd like the same as you, that once I die those who are impacted could just forget me and find happiness. I'd also love to control what happened to my body. I hate to think of getting buried, I'd much rather be burned in a manner that my ashes could be used to help grow a tree. Intriguing topic you made, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

 

[WanderingWater]

So, I have been picturing and planning my suicide for years now and one thing has always remained consistent with the many changes and that is that I wish I had some power of how things are dealt with when I am gone.

I know there are a few things in my power, sifting through my belongings and digital footprint to clear out and get rid of all the stuff I think isn't worth being around. But, I feel agitated that I can't will people to forget me since that is how I am seeing my suicide.
I am not leaving any notes, I am burying journals, and I am deleting any files that have my internal thoughts on them because for me my death is essentially reversing the decision of life that I had no control over. Not only that, but I am a bland, lazy, and fearful and that doesn't really need to be "remembered" or "honoured" I wish that people could see how insignificant my life is and get on with it and be free to be happy in their lives.

Anyways, if anyone else has any thoughts on this topic I would like to discuss.

I get it. To be as anonymous as a blade of grass.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

So, I have been picturing and planning my suicide for years now and one thing has always remained consistent with the many changes and that is that I wish I had some power of how things are dealt with when I am gone.

I know there are a few things in my power, sifting through my belongings and digital footprint to clear out and get rid of all the stuff I think isn't worth being around. But, I feel agitated that I can't will people to forget me since that is how I am seeing my suicide.
I am not leaving any notes, I am burying journals, and I am deleting any files that have my internal thoughts on them because for me my death is essentially reversing the decision of life that I had no control over. Not only that, but I am a bland, lazy, and fearful and that doesn't really need to be "remembered" or "honoured" I wish that people could see how insignificant my life is and get on with it and be free to be happy in their lives.

Anyways, if anyone else has any thoughts on this topic I would like to discuss.

Deleted files can easily be retrieved, this is how they catch child porn downloaders. The devices themselves must be destroyed or dispatched of so that no one can ever retrieve them.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

The US feds have all of it.

Let me repeat myself: all of it.

None of that is going to help them when the global population no longer tolerates the global crimes of the United States and reams their asses a new one like just happened in Afghanistan. But for now they have all of it

American soldiers who fight in oil wars deserve to die. They deserve nothing less than to come home as a corpse to their wives and children.

The Americans have been told for decades the consequences of their evil lifestyles and they are now paying for it. Most of the globe wouldn't shed a tear if an ICBM went off in Washington

 

[Dizzylady80]

It's very unlikely that that's how people are gonna view your death. Suicide hits people really hard, even people who aren't super close

 

[waitingforrest]

I also want to be forgotten when I ctb. I currently burn any pictures of me or papers and mostly staying low-key on the internet with throwaway accounts (I always forget the password always). I also plan to be cremated so there will be nothing left to remember me by and don't pit me in online obituaries or funeral services, that is the only thing I will put on the note, though I should get a official will someday.

When I am serious to succeed at all costs, I will delete all emails and accounts, cancel any services or change my info to something else. And even though I don't have any reason to, overwrite all my search history and data on all browsers and clear it so it can't be recovered. Then I will set all my belongings I want to rid of, any offical personal identification then set it on fire. Also, smashing and destroying all electronics into bits, bad idea to throw in fire though.

It's much easier when you take extra precautions about what info you share and how easy it would be to get rid of. I keep any social contact to a minimum to avoid getting too close to them.

Yeah it's overkill, pun not intended, but I don't really want to be remembered even if it makes the grieving process harder for others.

 

[GongLiFang]

Ideally I'd like the same as you, that once I die those who are impacted could just forget me and find happiness. I'd also love to control what happened to my body. I hate to think of getting buried, I'd much rather be burned in a manner that my ashes could be used to help grow a tree. Intriguing topic you made, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

This reminds me I should probably set something up for that as well. I seem to have forgotten all physical possessions except my actual physical self.

 

[Riddle]

American soldiers who fight in oil wars deserve to die. They deserve nothing less than to come home as a corpse to their wives and children.

I never supported the war but that is kind of a strong statement

 

[GongLiFang]

Deleted files can easily be retrieved, this is how they catch child porn downloaders. The devices themselves must be destroyed or dispatched of so that no one can ever retrieve them.

That is true, however I plan on just making files/accounts hard to access to the point of it not being worth it. I doubt anyone is really going to go digging but now that you mention it there are a few devices I can just get rid of to go that extra step.
As for my computer, I am reluctant because if I end up surviving the attempt I will still want to have it when I come back from the hospital presumably.

I also want to be forgotten when I ctb. I currently burn any pictures of me or papers and mostly staying low-key on the internet with throwaway accounts (I always forget the password always). I also plan to be cremated so there will be nothing left to remember me by and don't pit me in online obituaries or funeral services, that is the only thing I will put on the note, though I should get a official will someday.

When I am serious to succeed at all costs, I will delete all emails and accounts, cancel any services or change my info to something else. And even though I don't have any reason to, overwrite all my search history and data on all browsers and clear it so it can't be recovered. Then I will set all my belongings I want to rid of, any offical personal identification then set it on fire. Also, smashing and destroying all electronics into bits, bad idea to throw in fire though.

It's much easier when you take extra precautions about what info you share and how easy it would be to get rid of. I keep any social contact to a minimum to avoid getting too close to them.

Yeah it's overkill, pun not intended, but I don't really want to be remembered even if it makes the grieving process harder for others.

Man, you gave me a few ideas that are helpful for when I go through all my digital files/footprint. However I commend you burning your ID, I would but I also need to prepare in case I fail the attempt and in that scenario retaining my ID would be useful.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I understand how much you would like to control how people react or handle your death, but, just as others are not in control of you, at least I hope not, trying to control how others react to your death isn't in your purview, nor should it be. Our thoughts and feelings are all our own. I suppose you could influence now, why you are still around, how others might react to your death after your gone, by either doing things to them to make them hate you, or even, the converse, and make them love you. You are in control of that. Why not just let it be?

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

I wish that people could see how insignificant my life is and get on with it and be free to be happy in their lives.

The real question is, why do you think that they wont? Who is that "significant" anyways? You sound overtly neurotic about this. If you have some family members/close relatives they will probably see some significance about you passing away. But honestly, they will get over it pretty quickly.

 

[Dizzylady80]

The real question is, why do you think that they wont? Who is that "significant" anyways? You sound overtly neurotic about this. If you have some family members/close relatives they will probably see some significance about you passing away. But honestly, they will get over it pretty quickly.

Not saying you're wrong, but this is very different from all of my experiences with suicide. It tends to effect people really badly

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

Not saying you're wrong, but this is very different from all of my experiences with suicide. It tends to effect people really badly

If i think about a scenario where i killed myself, aside from my family members there would probably be few people who would feel like a bit bad over it. And that is, completely justifiedly so.

Those are the people who were unnecessarily mean to me in one situation or another. Everyone else would be "oh no, oh well.." I think that the same generally applies to all people.

 

[GongLiFang]

The real question is, why do you think that they wont? Who is that "significant" anyways? You sound overtly neurotic about this. If you have some family members/close relatives they will probably see some significance about you passing away. But honestly, they will get over it pretty quickly.

I guess I could be worrying about this too much but to explain why this became a concern of mine, it's because when I used to talk to people about my thoughts of suicide they kept on telling me that it would affect them for quite some time (mostly close friends and family were in this camp).
However, I do agree with you as I don't think many people, myself included, are significant and WILL be forgotten quickly. I also know that they are the type of people that can move on quickly, but part of me is concerned they will interpret my suicide as some tragedy and feel the need to do something for it instead of just accepting it as unimportant death that happened on the planet.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I plan to remove everything from the house whilst my parents are on holiday for 2 weeks - everything that can be associated with me in some nostalgic way - throw away all family photos with me in, every bit of paper with my writing on, cancel all online accounts, throw away all clothes except the ones on my back, give away books I own - so it's as if I was never there - the Peter Bergman case is fascinating; he threw away everything he owned whilst in a foreign town, and to this day, no one knows his identity...

Peter Bergmann case - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org