Querlista
Member
- Jan 12, 2021
- 73
Idk why I'm here again, I'm having a bad day and Idk.. just need to ramble about what's going on in my head lately
So, I've been bulimic since I was 16 (24 now). I got hospitalized two times last year due to failed attempts (aka people finding amd admitting me before they succeeded) and it was a horrible time leading uo to my attempts as well as being IP but I kinda miss it?
I've been better since january, like a LOT better and I do NOT wish to be in that mind set again. I'd rather kill myself lol but I miss being cared for. I miss people being concerned. The second time I attempted my surrounding didn't even react anymore, my mother never even asekd what happened but the first time everyone wanted to visit and listen to me. Urgh Idk what I want..
I've been obsessed with loosing weight lately. As I said I've been bulimic for a few years now with several temporal recoveries and atm it's not that huge issue but Idk I want to be anorexic so bad. I KNOW how bad EDs feel amd how isolated they make you and how hard it is to stop. I do. And I know it would ruin all the progress I made. But I still really want to be underweight and be admitted with a feeding tube, being force fed, weight every day, forced to go to therapy and what every. Idk I'm having a bad day and my brain is confusing me and I'm honestly just waiting for the day to pass bit at the same time I don't want it to pass ever as I never want to get up and go places and go on with my life again. I wish I was dead so I wouldn't have to think anymore
So, I've been bulimic since I was 16 (24 now). I got hospitalized two times last year due to failed attempts (aka people finding amd admitting me before they succeeded) and it was a horrible time leading uo to my attempts as well as being IP but I kinda miss it?
I've been better since january, like a LOT better and I do NOT wish to be in that mind set again. I'd rather kill myself lol but I miss being cared for. I miss people being concerned. The second time I attempted my surrounding didn't even react anymore, my mother never even asekd what happened but the first time everyone wanted to visit and listen to me. Urgh Idk what I want..
I've been obsessed with loosing weight lately. As I said I've been bulimic for a few years now with several temporal recoveries and atm it's not that huge issue but Idk I want to be anorexic so bad. I KNOW how bad EDs feel amd how isolated they make you and how hard it is to stop. I do. And I know it would ruin all the progress I made. But I still really want to be underweight and be admitted with a feeding tube, being force fed, weight every day, forced to go to therapy and what every. Idk I'm having a bad day and my brain is confusing me and I'm honestly just waiting for the day to pass bit at the same time I don't want it to pass ever as I never want to get up and go places and go on with my life again. I wish I was dead so I wouldn't have to think anymore
