Help wanting my best friend to leave

[miso_soup]

there is a part of me wishing my best friend would leave. i want us to grow apart and be nothing but a bittersweet memory. something that could've been and could've lasted but due to circumstances could never last. our friendship has become draining. i know he loves me. i love him too. but i fear it's no longer enough. i think our friendship was kind of against all odds from the beginning. he had a substance abuse problem (both drugs and alco), while i had never drank or smoked. but we clicked. despite the differences we made it work. we've know each other for over 2yrs. but i don't trust him like i used to anymore. and it's only partially his fault. i changed. he did too. but he wants to make this friendship work. and im not sure i do too. we are both struggling rn. but he needs his pain to be seen. validated. he needs help (which i give him as best as i can). i need to isolate. be alone. i don't need or want him to be there for me. i love him but i don't know how to trust him. he's told me many times about how his partner's problems aren't valid or that they don't truly matter cause he has it worse and that's all i can think about every time i share anything with him. and it sucks. but i don't think this is fixable. and i'm not even sure whether i want to fix it. i miss our friendship but i think i'd rather mourn it than be in it. i'd rather wish for a different ending than work towards it. and maybe i am a bad friend. i won't deny it. but this friendship feels more like a burden than a partnership. and i don't think it's because he is struggling but rather because i feel like he is the only one that's allowed to. that being said - i will not end this friendship cause rn he has only me.

 

[CarbonBased]

It sounds like your friend takes more than he gives when it comes to your relationship. Clearly, you're not doing great either, so I don't think he has a good excuse. If you want to sacrifice something for his sake, you're free to do so, but I don't think this can reasonably be required of you. That's my opinion, anyway. Take care!

 

[miso_soup]

It sounds like your friend takes more than he gives when it comes to your relationship. Clearly, you're not doing great either, so I don't think he has a good excuse. If you want to sacrifice something for his sake, you're free to do so, but I don't think this can reasonably be required of you. That's my opinion, anyway. Take care!

thanks<3 really appreciate the input

 

[bugunmasked]

him playing the comparison game isn't very fair. it doesn't matter how "worse" or "better" someone has it, that's all subjective & he shouldn't invalidate his partner like that. it's very telling of how he feels about others in general, like you said when you think about him saying this whenever you talk to him. he sounds troubled & i know it's hard letting go of long time friendships but it doesn't sound very healthy on either end.

i had to cut off my best friend of 10+ years about 2 years ago & it hurt, sometimes it still does. but what we had was dead & it would've never gone back to that. people change constantly. i hope for the best for the both of you.