Hi OP, I am so sorry to hear that you're experiencing this.
Not sure what you're trying to ask for help with. If it's about whether you need to wait to move to the US to ctb, we cannot decide that for you because there's so much we don't know about your situation. If it's about which method you should go to for ctb, it's legally and morally not right to encourage/suggest others to ctb.
If you have any questions, please consult with the Resources Compilation thread or ask us specific questions re a method in your mind. Wish you the best of your interests though.
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/suicide-resource-compilation.3/