Venting Want to get things off my chest

[frustratedandfedup]

Finding life incredibly difficult right now, really do not want to carry on living in this hell hole. My hair is absolutely fucked, I'm 25 now and my only option at this point is to go bald and it kills me inside. It's so embarrassing. I also have loads of skin sag and loose skin from being morbidly obese, I've lost 75kg (like 165lbs or something) and my body is absolutely destroyed. I hate my body more now than when I was SO fat. I can't even describe what it looks like but when I see myself in the mirror I just get so depressed and feel like crying, I fucked up so badly by letting myself get that fat, I know it's my fault but now I have to live with this and it kills me. I've got this issue with my eye as well, it's called stabismus, it's a type of lazy eye and my eye ball is sort of pointed upwards a little, my eyesight in my right eye is pretty bad because of it. These issues by themselves aren't like the end of the world, but when you're dealing with it all at the same time it's hard. Also, one of the knock-on effects from my obesity was I never actually finished school because I developed such bad agoraphobia and social anxiety that I barely left the house for years. I became a complete hermit. I'd say from the age of 17 and 23 I left the house about 10 times. I went over a year without leaving the house on more than one occasion. My life is just a disaster. It's self inflicted for the most part, which makes it somehow worse because I can only blame myself and myself only. I live with so much regret on a daily basis, I threw away so many amazing opportunities and it hurts me so much. The worst part is I can sort of see the old mental problems coming back again, it's not just dealing with depression now, I don't want to go outside anymore, I still do (every day pretty much) but it's becoming less frequent, I can actually *feel* myself wanting to go out less. I find excuses not to which is not a good sign. I think I'm suffering from being biploar as well, my, mood is up and down like a yo-yo, I go through about 50 different emotions every day, from crying multiple times, to anger/frustration and then occasionally I'll get a bit of hope before it all come crashing back down the next day. My head is an absolute mess and I don't know how much more of this I can take. I've mentally checked out, I have no desire to live anymore I have no hope, prospects or future, really. It all feels pointless I wish I could just press a button end it once and for all.

 

[CantDoIt]

Finding life incredibly difficult right now, really do not want to carry on living in this hell hole. My hair is absolutely fucked, I'm 25 now and my only option at this point is to go bald and it kills me inside. It's so embarrassing. I also have loads of skin sag and loose skin from being morbidly obese, I've lost 75kg (like 165lbs or something) and my body is absolutely destroyed. I hate my body more now than when I was SO fat. I can't even describe what it looks like but when I see myself in the mirror I just get so depressed and feel like crying, I fucked up so badly by letting myself get that fat, I know it's my fault but now I have to live with this and it kills me. I've got this issue with my eye as well, it's called stabismus, it's a type of lazy eye and my eye ball is sort of pointed upwards a little, my eyesight in my right eye is pretty bad because of it. These issues by themselves aren't like the end of the world, but when you're dealing with it all at the same time it's hard. Also, one of the knock-on effects from my obesity was I never actually finished school because I developed such bad agoraphobia and social anxiety that I barely left the house for years. I became a complete hermit. I'd say from the age of 17 and 23 I left the house about 10 times. I went over a year without leaving the house on more than one occasion. My life is just a disaster. It's self inflicted for the most part, which makes it somehow worse because I can only blame myself and myself only. I live with so much regret on a daily basis, I threw away so many amazing opportunities and it hurts me so much. The worst part is I can sort of see the old mental problems coming back again, it's not just dealing with depression now, I don't want to go outside anymore, I still do (every day pretty much) but it's becoming less frequent, I can actually *feel* myself wanting to go out less. I find excuses not to which is not a good sign. I think I'm suffering from being biploar as well, my, mood is up and down like a yo-yo, I go through about 50 different emotions every day, from crying multiple times, to anger/frustration and then occasionally I'll get a bit of hope before it all come crashing back down the next day. My head is an absolute mess and I don't know how much more of this I can take. I've mentally checked out, I have no desire to live anymore I have no hope, prospects or future, really. It all feels pointless I wish I could just press a button end it once and for all.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I feel a similar way. I did a whole lot of things to fuck up my appearance extremely quickly and early. A ton of sun damage to the face because I was taken to very sunny locations all throughout childhood and teen years, but I hated sunscreen / hats / sunglasses. Also ate a poor diet and lost a lot of weight and skin started sagging on my face and I lost a ton of facial volume. My skin type is such that it's difficult to regain fat to the face once lost, and since my skin is thin it would likely be saggy even if I did regain it. I can't believe I so quickly and expertly ruined my appearance, which ironically I didn't pay attention to because I was already depressed.
People just don't know sometimes how easy it is to ruin your looks, especially past a certain age. I'm done w it as my family members didn't go through this, but of course someone who already had problems gets this. Oh my teeth are fucked thanks to previous soda addiction and antidepressants causing dry mouth.