Want someone to talk to that’s in a similar situation

[jisatsu88]

I'm a 20 year old college student. I've been hiding it for over a year now but I failed college and by the end of this week my parents will know. I have very strict parents and if they found out idek what would happen but that's exactly why I have a shotgun. I'm ready to ctb as soon as they find out. I was suicidal a few years ago but I recovered and now I want to live but I will probably have to ctb. I'm happy now but recently I've been thinking that damn this is really it and it's really starting to hit. The only thing that could save me is a huge amount of money but that will never happen so ctb is my only choice. If there's anyone out there in a similar situation I would love to talk. My snap is my username jisatsu88

 

[CogitoMori]

I'm not in this situation anymore, but growing up my parents always told me that I could live with them as long as I was working or going to school. When I was getting ready to quit my part time job to focus on upcoming college courses, my mom told me I couldn't. I told her the workload was going to be higher, and I wasn't going to be able to focus, but she insisted and said if I quit I wouldn't be allowed to use the car, and we lived on a military base, so I couldn't call anyone to come get me. I kept working like she forced me to, and failed all of my classes after the first semester. I dropped out, and she forced me to go back. I thought maybe her mind would change about forcing me to work after this, but it didn't and I failed again after that semester. She claims it was my choice, but she didn't give me any choice and I want to say I love her, but she's not someone I'd ever associate with if not for blood, and she controlled every tiny detail of our lives and refused to give us any real privacy or let us be what we wanted. Any time you told them what kind of career or hobby you might like they only gave you reasons not to do it, never any support.