K
Kat!
Elementalist
- Sep 30, 2020
- 838
I woke up feeling terrible today, physical wise mostly, throat was not feeling too good and I'm exhausted. My dad was finally leaving this morning and he wanted me to say goodbye, of course no one cared to warn me beforehand but I was okay with it for the time being.
So I came into the living room and sat down, absolutely nothing for a good 15 minutes, and then he came around the corner so I could finally say goodbye.
I stood up and he said "what's wrong?"
And I replied "I'm running on like 2 hours of sleep, I'm not feeling well."
Andddd of course his tone immediately switched to angry from nice in a second,
"Well maybe you shouldn't have been gaming all night."
Right here I knew exactly where it was going because he already derails so many fucking moments like this. No dad, I was not gaming, I was browsing a suicide forum.
Actually I just said, "No I wasn't but whatever."
After that I really wanted to say shit like "I have depression but not like you care anyway." Or something.. along those lines.
But we just stood there for a few seconds, he just said, completely frustrated, "Go back to sleep then." And walked away angrily.
I feel as if most of his hate towards me stems from the fact that I refuse to be bossed around, and he doesn't like that.
So yeah, even after being committed to a mental health facility and being diagnosed with depression, it didn't help my case, it just made my life even worse. Thanks for the help, fixthe26! And yes, suicide is my only and preferred option of escape.
I thought it was funny at first that my parents ignore my depression but now it actually kinda hurts.
So I came into the living room and sat down, absolutely nothing for a good 15 minutes, and then he came around the corner so I could finally say goodbye.
I stood up and he said "what's wrong?"
And I replied "I'm running on like 2 hours of sleep, I'm not feeling well."
Andddd of course his tone immediately switched to angry from nice in a second,
"Well maybe you shouldn't have been gaming all night."
Right here I knew exactly where it was going because he already derails so many fucking moments like this. No dad, I was not gaming, I was browsing a suicide forum.
Actually I just said, "No I wasn't but whatever."
After that I really wanted to say shit like "I have depression but not like you care anyway." Or something.. along those lines.
But we just stood there for a few seconds, he just said, completely frustrated, "Go back to sleep then." And walked away angrily.
I feel as if most of his hate towards me stems from the fact that I refuse to be bossed around, and he doesn't like that.
So yeah, even after being committed to a mental health facility and being diagnosed with depression, it didn't help my case, it just made my life even worse. Thanks for the help, fixthe26! And yes, suicide is my only and preferred option of escape.
I thought it was funny at first that my parents ignore my depression but now it actually kinda hurts.