Issk

Issk

Member
Apr 22, 2019
15
I was Ana (anorexia) back when I was teen. I lost a lot of weight but it got back after I developed serious binging behavior in adulthood. Now I'm fat haha. My major depression, BPD & ED is getting worse than ever and I want to end myself in a rather peaceful way. Been searching for VSED method and I feel my Ana is slowly growing back, I'm so excited that I'm triggered. I'm starting my journey and wish me luck.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,878
The vsed method sounds so unbearable and like it would be incredibly difficult to succeed with but anyway I wish you the best with your plans and I hope that you find the freedom you are searching for.
 
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J

just_so_done

Experienced
Apr 16, 2023
258
I wish you luck! I've struggled with different EDs over the years plus lots of mental health issues but right now my ana has been fully activated the last several weeks and for the most part of limited my food intake drastically to the point of losing a pound of day. I've seen others mention VSED so i was curious if you know how you're going to do it, like will you have any support or just on your own. are there any meds you plan to take to make it easier? I used to find weed helpful to distract but now it triggers huge binges i cant control so i had to stop. Anyways I know the excitement you're feeling and relief so I'm happy for you :heart:
 
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Issk

Issk

Member
Apr 22, 2019
15
I wish you luck! I've struggled with different EDs over the years plus lots of mental health issues but right now my ana has been fully activated the last several weeks and for the most part of limited my food intake drastically to the point of losing a pound of day. I've seen others mention VSED so i was curious if you know how you're going to do it, like will you have any support or just on your own. are there any meds you plan to take to make it easier? I used to find weed helpful to distract but now it triggers huge binges i cant control so i had to stop. Anyways I know the excitement you're feeling and relief so I'm happy for you :heart:
Thanks for the support 🌹I'm doing this on my own bc it's easier to sustain the mentality of growing back my Ana and starting my journey without being interrupted by people who are concerned about why I'm starving myself. I don't have family nor close friends so it's not difficult for me. I would like to take some meth if needed but it's expensive (I was addicted to meth, currently not using)... But everything would kind of work out if my Ana goes back. I remember that when my Ana was hitting hard, I didn't feel any pain from starving myself.
 
J

just_so_done

Experienced
Apr 16, 2023
258
Yeah that makes sense. No one seems to care about my weight loss when I last saw my family because i was overweight so even tho my Ana was visible no one is concerned. So i don't have to worry about them stopping me. I wish i had any drug that would make me feel calm, euphoric and not cause munchies lol. Also congrats on not using, if that is your choice (no judgement if you choose to going back to it). Any advice on what has helped you when the urge to eat comes up, this happens to me especially at night. I know this isn't a pro-ana website but it's nice to actually talk to someone about this. I feel like its giving me control when i have no control anywhere else but on those days i screw up and eat a little too much or have a full binge it just destroys me and tempted to ctb but the only options i have right now would lead to a failed attempt.
 
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Issk

Issk

Member
Apr 22, 2019
15
Yeah that makes sense. No one seems to care about my weight loss when I last saw my family because i was overweight so even tho my Ana was visible no one is concerned. So i don't have to worry about them stopping me. I wish i had any drug that would make me feel calm, euphoric and not cause munchies lol. Also congrats on not using, if that is your choice (no judgement if you choose to going back to it). Any advice on what has helped you when the urge to eat comes up, this happens to me especially at night. I know this isn't a pro-ana website but it's nice to actually talk to someone about this. I feel like its giving me control when i have no control anywhere else but on those days i screw up and eat a little too much or have a full binge it just destroys me and tempted to ctb but the only options i have right now would lead to a failed attempt.
Thank you for sharing with me. I'm sorry that your family seems to be indifferent and not concerning.

I'm feeling hungry rn but I'll just drink some water. And I smoke.

This is not a pro-ana site but this thread could be an ana thread if you want to talk about it... I know it's ridiculous coming from me but I really wish you could get well and not ending up like me, being an addict and feeling hopeless.
 
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J

just_so_done

Experienced
Apr 16, 2023
258
Thank you, I appreciate it. Even my psychiatrist and therapist don't seem to try and intervene when i bring it up, and i know i should keep quiet and just be happy to finally be the lowest weight i have been in many many many years lol but i think its the survival instinct kicking in yelling for help or more likely just feeling like no one cares, reoccuring theme.

You are too kind but I'm too far gone to get better. The ED is just the tip of the iceberg of all my issues. It's just another form of self harm that i use, but one like you I'm excited about. But i'll be hypocritical and say the same to you lol, I wish you could also get better and fight the addiction and live the life you want.

Thank you for talking to me about this, water and a smoke sounds like a good plan. I'm glad i came across your post and met you @Issk :heart:
 
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Issk

Issk

Member
Apr 22, 2019
15
Thank you, I appreciate it. Even my psychiatrist and therapist don't seem to try and intervene when i bring it up, and i know i should keep quiet and just be happy to finally be the lowest weight i have been in many many many years lol but i think its the survival instinct kicking in yelling for help or more likely just feeling like no one cares, reoccuring theme.

You are too kind but I'm too far gone to get better. The ED is just the tip of the iceberg of all my issues. It's just another form of self harm that i use, but one like you I'm excited about. But i'll be hypocritical and say the same to you lol, I wish you could also get better and fight the addiction and live the life you want.

Thank you for talking to me about this, water and a smoke sounds like a good plan. I'm glad i came across your post and met you @Issk :heart:
I think I have that huge iceberg too... My arms are full of scars, I've been hurting myself for years. I eventually stopped cutting but I started to use. Actually I think my best talent is developing all kinds of ways to destroy myself...

You're also being very kind, thank you. Wish I could give you a hug. 😢
 
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J

just_so_done

Experienced
Apr 16, 2023
258
I think I have that huge iceberg too... My arms are full of scars, I've been hurting myself for years. I eventually stopped cutting but I started to use. Actually I think my best talent is developing all kinds of ways to destroy myself...

You're also being very kind, thank you. Wish I could give you a hug. 😢
We're like the titanic, just waiting to hit that iceberg and finally sink. I feel like we're very alike, my body is covered in scars too. I've managed to hold off for a bit as punching seems to provide a more prolonged pain and i can visually see the impact vs. with cutting i would dress the wounds and the relief was short lived but with punching i can do it multiple times a day anywhere i am so thats been helpful.

To be really honest, if i had access to drugs i would have probably already gone down that route. If only i had my youth and still knew drug dealers lol. While i wish for you your best talent wasnt finding ways to destroy yourself, the positive is that it means your creative, resourceful and determined.

Sending you so many hugs (with your consent of course!) 🤗
 
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MatthieuFrederickW

MatthieuFrederickW

Specialist
Feb 6, 2023
302
We're like the titanic, just waiting to hit that iceberg and finally sink. I feel like we're very alike, my body is covered in scars too. I've managed to hold off for a bit as punching seems to provide a more prolonged pain and i can visually see the impact vs. with cutting i would dress the wounds and the relief was short lived but with punching i can do it multiple times a day anywhere i am so thats been helpful.

To be really honest, if i had access to drugs i would have probably already gone down that route. If only i had my youth and still knew drug dealers lol. While i wish for you your best talent wasnt finding ways to destroy yourself, the positive is that it means your creative, resourceful and determined.

Sending you so many hugs (with your consent of course!) 🤗
I like analogies like waiting to hit the iceberg and finally sink
 

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