Story VSED attempt log (Jan 2024)

[farine_de_ble]

I guess everyone has to attempt suicide at least once to truly experience life.

My preferred method is VSED. I know it's unrealistic and unlikely to work, but I'm cognitively unable to pull off any other method. I want to fade off and die slowly, not knowing it's happening or even if it's gonna happen, just opening up the chance for death to slowly slip in and take me.

I was gonna wait for some auspicious timing, but my shifts at work are currently sparse and drawn out and barely worth attending. I'm going to go to a walk in clinic tomorrow and try to get some papers from a doctor that will let me skip work for a couple of weeks. I can't do this WHILE working. If not, I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I don't wanna wait another half a week to start though, so hopefully I'll just get the papers and reschedule the appointment. I'm honestly desperate at this point for there to be some end to the pain and suffering I've been anguishing through lately.

So here's yet another VSED diary to add to our limited collection. I'm going to post daily updates, up to and including failure. I'm not a good faster, so I honestly don't know how long I'll be able to hold out. Already hungry.

If I ever stop posting for a significant length of time, say a month or more, that means I've won and it's over.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans, I hope that you find freedom from all the suffering.

 

[farine_de_ble]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans, I hope that you find freedom from all the suffering.

Thank you for your kindness and empathy

 

[farine_de_ble]

Thursday, January 11th, 2024

It's close enough to the end of the first day. I went out to get incontinence underwear just in case I do manage to make it to the day where I can no longer get out of bed. I don't want to... you know.

Walking around was actually nice. I liked getting out of the house and it convinced my uncle that I didn't just sit in bed all day (I just sat in bed all day).

I had some pretty bad thirst and hunger when I was at the pharmacy and even bought a bottle of soda to drink when I inevitably give up. I was desperate for a good long drink and the tiniest of cookies. I was just craving sugar! I passed the local bakery but luckily for my plans, it was closed. Then I got home and the hunger and thirst sort of faded away into a tolerable "I'd like to eat something but it's okay if I don't."

I feel so much calmer not eating or drinking anything at all. Honestly, this is the best I've felt in weeks. The agony and obsessive thinking have both faded. Not sure why. Some physiological effect? The hope that I might shuffle off this mortal coil in the next one or two weeks?

I'm not sure about changing my doctor's appointment. Might be best to keep it. But I don't know if I'll be physiologically able to go if I'm still keeping this up by the time Tuesday rolls round. I've never not eaten or drunk anything for five whole days before. But... I desperately need that doctor's note. I just don't know what to do. People will notice if I just stay in bed all day every day for the next two weeks... I have to keep up appearances for as long as I can...

(My doctor also might notice something is off if I haven't drunk anything in the past five days by the time I see her)

 

[farine_de_ble]

And done. My aunt and uncle offered me dinner tonight and the temptation was way too overwhelming. I ate and drank and didn't last the day.

Outcome: VSED without hospice doesn't work. I don't know how people hold off food and drink for four days or more, I've seen people here do that, but I barely lasted 24 hours. I know this won't convince people not to try, and I'll likely enough try again myself in the near future and see if I can get any further with it, but I figured I'd just put my short-lived experience out there in case there are people curious about what the experience is like. Even after just 24 hours I was already starting to feel nauseous.

It sucks. It hurts. It's minute to minute agony, with your body begging you for food and water. I wish there were some easy and simple way to ctb, but this sure as hell ain't it.

 

[James34]

Hi, I am sorry your plan didn't work.
What are you going to do now?

 

[farine_de_ble]

Hi, I am sorry your plan didn't work.
What are you going to do now?

Live, I guess. At least for now

 

[Readytogo246]

Both of my parent did VSED (at different times). The deal is you can't have any water at all--even teeth brushing. They did have hospice kick in on day 3 which really did help with some anxiety meds and pain meds. It took only 7 days and is what i will do if I get diagnosed with anything. They were both older and ready to go.