Visualizing the end is bringing me so much relief

[Mixo]

Due to circumstances that have been getting worse and worse, I realized last night I'm very likely to leave by the end of next month. Maybe sooner, god willing. I have no hope or want for hope left. I think that's when you know you're capable and ready to leave - even false hope in the form of cash, material things, and a fresh start don't tempt me. I know they're all just manifestations of survival instinct - your brain lying to you and trying to find reasons to keep living when you know damn well your life is going to get worse.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

Due to circumstances that have been getting worse and worse, I realized last night I'm very likely to leave by the end of next month. Maybe sooner, god willing. I have no hope or want for hope left. I think that's when you know you're capable and ready to leave - even false hope in the form of cash, material things, and a fresh start don't tempt me. I know they're all just manifestations of survival instinct - your brain lying to you and trying to find reasons to keep living when you know damn well your life is going to get worse.

How do you plan to leave?
Sorry things ended up like this for you. I hope you find freedom soon, in whatever form it comes.

 

[Mixo]

How do you plan to leave?
Sorry things ended up like this for you. I hope you find freedom soon, in whatever form it comes.

Most likely SN.

 

[Meditation guide]

know they're all just manifestations of survival instinct - your brain lying to you and trying to find reasons to keep living when you know damn well your life is going to get worse.

I agree, I've noticed that I keep finding hope for things to improve. And it's illogical, things won't improve.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I hear and I can relate to everything.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I am glad that I can agree with you. The more precisely you see your end, the better you feel. But only if you agree to it yourself and are not afraid of it.
Some fear is normal for many, but panic anxiety makes it additional agony.

Therefore I am happy for you, because it is a relief for you

 

[Mixo]

I am glad that I can agree with you. The more precisely you see your end, the better you feel. But only if you agree to it yourself and are not afraid of it.
Some fear is normal for many, but panic anxiety makes it additional agony.

Therefore I am happy for you, because it is a relief for you

I am not that afraid right now about it but I know I'll be nervous right before I do it. I might take something beforehand to numb out before I do it.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I am not that afraid right now about it but I know I'll be nervous right before I do it. I might take something beforehand to numb out before I do it.

I can hardly wait and am really looking forward to my ctb. I know that I won't be afraid and that I will swallow SN with a smile.

But I'm still pretty sure that my hands will tremble in that moment because I will be nervous.
After all, it's the moment I'll kill myself. A not entirely unimportant moment in my life that I would like to enjoy even with a clear mind.