Violent fantasies

[EmotionallyUnstable]

Does anyone experience violent fantasies against themselves on a frequent basis? I often think about holding a knife to my neck or a gun to my head.. makes me feel easy for some reason.

 

[Empty Smile]

I get it sometimes... I picture myself putting my tractor trailer in nuetral going down a long hill and crashing. But I don't want to injure or kill others in my suicide, so that's out.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Ya, playing the hero and I die by Getting blown up whilst wrapping my body around a baby (book I read) or most recently, utterly obliterating my body which hails from extreme guilt

 

[Antonin49]

Yes. Everyday, I look around at what could be used in bringing my demise. Although it looks like it'll be SN, I imagine myself dying in dozens of scenarios using the places or instruments that I encounter in daily life. Been this way for years.

 

[memataporfavor]

Yea. I imagine myself holding swords, big ones and doing the seppuku thing. Also sticking a knife into my chest. When I'm crossing the streets I imagine myself being hit by a bus. Same thing when I'm at the subway station and the train arrives. But I do not have the courage to throw myself in front of car or a train bc I'm afraid I would survive and be paralyzed and have a shittier life lmao

 

[wanttodie]

I imagine myself chopping my 2 legs and one arm of using a ax so id bleed and die id need one arm to chop

2 legs and one arm no way to chop of

2 legs and arms off​

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[DepressionsAHo]

I imagine myself chopping my 2 legs and one arm of using a ax so id bleed and die id need one arm to chop
2 legs and one arm no way to chop of
2 legs and arms off

Just FYI. For anybody in dark mode, your black ink is impossible to read. This is what if looks like

 

[Ayeitsalaska]

didnt know other people did too..

 

[Rachel]

Yes but mines is more of a daydream. When I suffer emotionally, my made up character suffers physically. Usually she makes a mistake and then ends up getting hurt real bad by people. She always gets to the point where she wants to die, but she doesnt because the person she accidentally hurt says she doesnt get to take the easy way out.
Also I know suicide isnt easy, but a lot of people have that mentality so I guess some of my daydreams side characters do too

 

[sadbunny]

No

but I have visions of hurting myself

as in plucking out an eyeball

It's horrible yo

 

[whyidon'tknow]

Didn't realize other people did this

I imagine myself beating up myself with my fist usually but sometimes a gun. I am brutal. But because it's myself I sort of imagine it from two separate perspectives.

 

[not_a_robot]

Mainly if I am having contact with others irl. If I can stay isolated, not so much. Then I just picture torturing my body with pilates and yoga and really long runs. like, four blocks...

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Yes, quite alot ....

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Yes, and with others who have hurt me. I try to filter it out of my head, but it's always just there.

 

[Darkhaven]

Yeah when i'm having a depressive crisis i often picture myself brutally and ruthlessly killing myself.
Like sword trespassing or shooting myself all over the body untill i collapse.
I'm almost sure i would never, under any circumstance, would actually have to courage to pull it through but just goes to show how mess up i can be at times of mental breakdown.

 

[keara]

I always fantasize about cutting and bleeding to death. It weirdly relaxes me.

 

[Joannf]

Does anyone experience violent fantasies against themselves on a frequent basis? I often think about holding a knife to my neck or a gun to my head.. makes me feel easy for some reason.

Sorry love, but I only have violent fantasies against others - but those are lively, vivid and picturesque ;)

 

[RM5998]

Ones where I get stabbed, sliced, beat up and hanged... By other versions of me.

A less violent one is where I get vaporized when I turn 25... My body turns to ash from the inside out. However, it's strangely reassuring to feel that I want that, even though it's much nearer than it used to be and I'm still afraid of dying.

 

[wanttodie]

Just FYI. For anybody in dark mode, your black ink is impossible to read. This is what if looks like
[/QUO
sorry don't get what this

Attachments about so you cant see my post all posts are in black sorry don't know what your saying ​

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

I used to. Now when I think of dying I think of something quick and painless, letting my consciousness fade out and dispersing wherever.
But I think that part of me has been compartmentalized because I have frequent (basically nonstop) hallucinations of being tortured. It's "me" who's doing it but it's not me, if that makes sense.
I still hate myself but I don't think anyone deserves that kind of violence. Back then I used to think of my body and my personality as a "thing", like a parasite on my real being, and I wanted to destroy it. I do now, more than ever maybe, but I don't think I can take it anymore. I don't want to inflict suffering and I want it all to disappear like it was a deranged afterthought that's quickly forgotten after death.

 

[Thanatos]

Often think of setting myself on fire and recently of using an electric handsaw on my neck. Logic takes over though and I decide something less painful/messy would be better

 

[k75]

This is one way I can gauge what level of crisis I'm in. Normally, I'm not into self harm, and I'm drawn to peaceful methods. But when I'm really bad off, I see myself bashing my head into the wall until there's nothing left. It's almost an impulse I'm afraid I'll act on. That's my signal that things are super bad and I need to just force myself into bed or something to be safe.

Another common thing is I fantasize about being hurt by someone else. That one I tend to act on, and it's not healthy.

 

[TAW122]

I have those fantasies pretty oftenly, especially earlier this year when I was in deep anguish. I often think about the cold steel barrel inside my mouth, poised at an angle towards my brainstem, then my finger on the trigger. As I slowly and carefully squeeze the trigger, I just know it will all be over and I will feel nothing once the gun goes off. This is just one of my violent fantasies as I mentally imagine myself CTB'ing with a firearm.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Sometimes I like the idea of going out right in front of a nuclear bomb. That would be one way of becoming one with the universe. LOL