Sprite_Geist
NULL
- May 27, 2020
- 1,680
You have read the title right. What is this post about? My neighbours, and to an extent the estate that I live on.
Certain people who live near me are very "cliquey" - they "know" each other, and act almost like a family - an extended, dysfunctional family. If you are a person who does not know anybody else on this estate, or you do not "fit in" with the locals, then you will be treated differently; you will be viewed as an outsider, and are held to another set of social rules than everybody else. I am one of those people...
Whenever I say or do something - anything at all - the neighbours will rush outside into the street and start gossiping about me; not the harmless kind of gossip, but the "bitchy" and mean-spirited kind of gossip. They take anything that I am doing at a given moment, and turn it into something negative; it could be the clothes that I am wearing, the way I am walking and carrying myself, a conversation that I am having, or absolutely anything else. I sometimes overhear this gossip when I am sat in my bedroom - the cackling, the name calling and the nasty remarks; my behaviour is always nitpicked. This is not exclusive to neighbours either, because in some situations it is the local "rough houses" who live near; so in other words: groups of people, usually young men, who will stare at me, and then snigger as I walk past, and sometimes even hurl verbal abuse at me for my appearance. I am not doing anything that is outside of the social norms, or is different to what anybody else on this estate does, but yet I am the only person (besides a handful of others) who gets scrutinized; this seems vague, so here is an example to give more context:
When I am walking through the estate to go to the nearby shops I will oftentimes keep my head to the ground, and will usually not talk to other people. Some of the locals will attack me for this - calling me "stuck up" or cold... this is not true. The reason I do not talk or look at others is partially because I am just minding my own business, and this is actually how the majority of people on this estate behave - they will not talk to you if you are a stranger, so in other words: I am doing what EVERYBODY ELSE IS DOING! Except it is only considered fine when everyone else (besides myself and a few others) do this, and you are only singled-out if you are not part of the tribe; plus this is not the only reason I am quiet, but another reason is that there are individuals who I simply want nothing to do with due to their treatment of me. This is only one of many, many examples of what I have experienced over the past years, but it was chosen because it best explains what I meant when double-standards were mentioned in the second paragraph of this post. Though this is not the end of the nastiness...
...I have made a few attempts to change how I behave to see if "they" change their attitude toward me - this did not work; what I mean by this is that I do (or did) the opposite of what they "bitch" about me for, but despite this they will still make negative remarks. If I make an attempt to talk to them and say hello (like I did many years back) they will ignore me, but if I do not talk to them they will ridicule me for being quiet. Do you see? They gossip about me no matter what I do; they look for an excuse to speak ill of me, and if they cannot find a reason they will make one up. When they are in an angry mood (which is often) nobody else has an issue with this, but if I am in an angry mood (which is rare) they will act shocked and offended; if they criticize somebody else who they think is doing something wrong it is acceptable, but if I criticize somebody else (for the same reason) they accuse me of bad-mouthing.
To make this worse I cannot even retaliate, because if I do they will twist the situation and victimize themselves. Going back to the aggressive young men that were mentioned above: I have raised my voice and told them "where to go" on more than a few occasions, and this ends with them giving a skewed, and one-sided version of what happened to other people who they know on this estate, so now I have people walking past my house calling me "horrible" and a "knobhead". Yes: I am a horrible person for responding in kind to how they act around me - apparently. The same happens with neighbours - I am completely unfriendly toward them, and scowl at them, for all of the disgusting behaviour that I have endured from them, and somehow they spin the story and convince others that I am hostile "for no reason". I am viewed as a horrible person by the people who are actually horrible. Many people see me angry, but nobody understands why.
This is the issue: every vicious, poisonous rumour from the "bitchy" neighbours, or from the nearby gangs, is spread among the community, and since many in the community are "cliquey" with each other they automatically believe said rumours. There are actually quite a lot of people on this estate who really dislike me, and avoid me, because of malicious and untrue gossip that they have heard from friends and family, but nobody in the tribe has ever made the effort to listen to my side of the story - not one single person! I rarely interact (if ever) with 99% of the people who live near me, and they do not know anything about me, but they still hate me based on the warped words of other strangers who do not know me either. There are only a small number of individuals (non-tribal people) in the area who have become (loosely) acquainted with me, and they are all on good terms with me, so the only people who dislike me around here are those who are strangers that sheepishly listen to whoever is in their social circle.
You might ask: "Why don't you speak out? Why don't you explain your side of things?" I have tried, and failed. Here is why:
Any time I have a conversation with someone who I am on good terms with the neighbours (or any locals that are friends with them) will label me a "gobshite"; if you have not heard this insult it means an individual who is loud, and who also talks total nonsense. This is not true of me though, because first of all I am a very quiet person, and rarely talk to others, but also when I do (but rarely) speak it is to tell other people what my vile neighbours do to me - which is the truth. At the same time the people who gave me this label (the neighbours and their friends) stand in their front gardens or driveways yapping with each other almost EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I am an almost mute who is accused of being a loudmouth... by those who never shut up about me! They can talk and shout regularly, but I cannot open my mouth even once a month for more than five seconds without receiving insults. To put it more simply:
In the end my neighbours and anybody like them are ghouls - cruel, gossiping, vindictive, snickering little ghouls. I despise them, and wish serious harm on them. This is awful to say, but I have had enough of their mind games. I have experienced a lifetime of people like this - not only in this area but out in broader society. It is already difficult enough fighting your own (internal) demons without having to fight the cretins that target you every day in the real world. I just want them and everyone like them to vanish. Rant over.
None of what has been written in this post is causing me to feel suicidal. The reason this post was made on this forum, is because I needed to express certain thoughts, and there are hardly any people outside of this forum who I can talk to. I also realize that this post is haphazard; it was intended to be concise and better structured, but I started to feel tired and agitated, so it devolved into a bunch of messy ramblings. I also apologize for speaking in first person way too much.
Certain people who live near me are very "cliquey" - they "know" each other, and act almost like a family - an extended, dysfunctional family. If you are a person who does not know anybody else on this estate, or you do not "fit in" with the locals, then you will be treated differently; you will be viewed as an outsider, and are held to another set of social rules than everybody else. I am one of those people...
Whenever I say or do something - anything at all - the neighbours will rush outside into the street and start gossiping about me; not the harmless kind of gossip, but the "bitchy" and mean-spirited kind of gossip. They take anything that I am doing at a given moment, and turn it into something negative; it could be the clothes that I am wearing, the way I am walking and carrying myself, a conversation that I am having, or absolutely anything else. I sometimes overhear this gossip when I am sat in my bedroom - the cackling, the name calling and the nasty remarks; my behaviour is always nitpicked. This is not exclusive to neighbours either, because in some situations it is the local "rough houses" who live near; so in other words: groups of people, usually young men, who will stare at me, and then snigger as I walk past, and sometimes even hurl verbal abuse at me for my appearance. I am not doing anything that is outside of the social norms, or is different to what anybody else on this estate does, but yet I am the only person (besides a handful of others) who gets scrutinized; this seems vague, so here is an example to give more context:
When I am walking through the estate to go to the nearby shops I will oftentimes keep my head to the ground, and will usually not talk to other people. Some of the locals will attack me for this - calling me "stuck up" or cold... this is not true. The reason I do not talk or look at others is partially because I am just minding my own business, and this is actually how the majority of people on this estate behave - they will not talk to you if you are a stranger, so in other words: I am doing what EVERYBODY ELSE IS DOING! Except it is only considered fine when everyone else (besides myself and a few others) do this, and you are only singled-out if you are not part of the tribe; plus this is not the only reason I am quiet, but another reason is that there are individuals who I simply want nothing to do with due to their treatment of me. This is only one of many, many examples of what I have experienced over the past years, but it was chosen because it best explains what I meant when double-standards were mentioned in the second paragraph of this post. Though this is not the end of the nastiness...
...I have made a few attempts to change how I behave to see if "they" change their attitude toward me - this did not work; what I mean by this is that I do (or did) the opposite of what they "bitch" about me for, but despite this they will still make negative remarks. If I make an attempt to talk to them and say hello (like I did many years back) they will ignore me, but if I do not talk to them they will ridicule me for being quiet. Do you see? They gossip about me no matter what I do; they look for an excuse to speak ill of me, and if they cannot find a reason they will make one up. When they are in an angry mood (which is often) nobody else has an issue with this, but if I am in an angry mood (which is rare) they will act shocked and offended; if they criticize somebody else who they think is doing something wrong it is acceptable, but if I criticize somebody else (for the same reason) they accuse me of bad-mouthing.
To make this worse I cannot even retaliate, because if I do they will twist the situation and victimize themselves. Going back to the aggressive young men that were mentioned above: I have raised my voice and told them "where to go" on more than a few occasions, and this ends with them giving a skewed, and one-sided version of what happened to other people who they know on this estate, so now I have people walking past my house calling me "horrible" and a "knobhead". Yes: I am a horrible person for responding in kind to how they act around me - apparently. The same happens with neighbours - I am completely unfriendly toward them, and scowl at them, for all of the disgusting behaviour that I have endured from them, and somehow they spin the story and convince others that I am hostile "for no reason". I am viewed as a horrible person by the people who are actually horrible. Many people see me angry, but nobody understands why.
This is the issue: every vicious, poisonous rumour from the "bitchy" neighbours, or from the nearby gangs, is spread among the community, and since many in the community are "cliquey" with each other they automatically believe said rumours. There are actually quite a lot of people on this estate who really dislike me, and avoid me, because of malicious and untrue gossip that they have heard from friends and family, but nobody in the tribe has ever made the effort to listen to my side of the story - not one single person! I rarely interact (if ever) with 99% of the people who live near me, and they do not know anything about me, but they still hate me based on the warped words of other strangers who do not know me either. There are only a small number of individuals (non-tribal people) in the area who have become (loosely) acquainted with me, and they are all on good terms with me, so the only people who dislike me around here are those who are strangers that sheepishly listen to whoever is in their social circle.
You might ask: "Why don't you speak out? Why don't you explain your side of things?" I have tried, and failed. Here is why:
Any time I have a conversation with someone who I am on good terms with the neighbours (or any locals that are friends with them) will label me a "gobshite"; if you have not heard this insult it means an individual who is loud, and who also talks total nonsense. This is not true of me though, because first of all I am a very quiet person, and rarely talk to others, but also when I do (but rarely) speak it is to tell other people what my vile neighbours do to me - which is the truth. At the same time the people who gave me this label (the neighbours and their friends) stand in their front gardens or driveways yapping with each other almost EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I am an almost mute who is accused of being a loudmouth... by those who never shut up about me! They can talk and shout regularly, but I cannot open my mouth even once a month for more than five seconds without receiving insults. To put it more simply:
- The clique does awful things to me.
- I explain to others what the clique does to me.
- The clique calls me a "gobshite".
In the end my neighbours and anybody like them are ghouls - cruel, gossiping, vindictive, snickering little ghouls. I despise them, and wish serious harm on them. This is awful to say, but I have had enough of their mind games. I have experienced a lifetime of people like this - not only in this area but out in broader society. It is already difficult enough fighting your own (internal) demons without having to fight the cretins that target you every day in the real world. I just want them and everyone like them to vanish. Rant over.
None of what has been written in this post is causing me to feel suicidal. The reason this post was made on this forum, is because I needed to express certain thoughts, and there are hardly any people outside of this forum who I can talk to. I also realize that this post is haphazard; it was intended to be concise and better structured, but I started to feel tired and agitated, so it devolved into a bunch of messy ramblings. I also apologize for speaking in first person way too much.
