Discussion Victim or transgressor; where do you stand?

[puppet_nihilist]

My posts are somewhat psychotic, monotonous cries for help so I want to try something different.

Question in the title, think about yourself, your current problems and who or what is responsible for where you are in your life currently and how you feel about it and then answer it.

I will go first.

In the spectrum between victim and perpetrator I think I am closer to being a perpetrator. My childhood was better than my parent's childhoods. I got punished when I was young but that is very common place where I come from and I think I deserved it whenever it happened. I was cared for and sent to proper schools throughout my teenage years. I worked hard too and I achieved well in my final year of school which gave me the opportunity to study in a good university. But... I wouldn't be posting here if it weren't for something bad happening.

I failed in college when covid hit. I had no reason to fail, everyone I knew around me was able to succeed even during covid but I did not. I tried to think of reasons as to why I failed but it seems that the only good reason was me being weak and acting depressed and getting busy with useless shit. I don't know about the legitimacy of depression, my father went through absolutely horrible shit when he was my age but he was able to succeed in life given his circumstances, he also had to bury one of his younger siblings after they had died (my dad was still a kid) but he was able to cope with all of it like it was nothing. But me, I did not go through those difficult trials, yet here I am, a failure. So I am a transgressor, I deserve my failure and killing myself is me escaping what I essentially caused. I think killing myself is both an escape and a punishment that I deserve. Where do you stand?

 

[FuneralCry]

I see myself as a victim of this life. I never asked to be here in the first place. The cause of all of my problems is the fact that I exist in the first place. Many of the negative things that happened to me were out of my control and I could have done nothing to prevent them. I see myself as deserving better than this life. To me death is freedom and non existence is what I want.

 

[motel rooms]

I failed in college when covid hit. I had no reason to fail, everyone I knew around me was able to succeed even during covid but I did not. I tried to think of reasons as to why I failed but it seems that the only good reason was me being weak and acting depressed and getting busy with useless shit. I don't know about the legitimacy of depression, my father went through absolutely horrible shit when he was my age but he was able to succeed in life given his circumstances, he also had to bury one of his younger siblings after they had died (my dad was still a kid) but he was able to cope with all of it like it was nothing. But me, I did not go through those difficult trials, yet here I am, a failure. So I am a transgressor, I deserve my failure and killing myself is me escaping what I essentially caused. I think killing myself is both an escape and a punishment that I deserve.

People who just act depressed when they're actually lazy don't sentence themselves to death for dropping out of college.

 

[Mr2005]

Both

 

[ElizabethsFault]

My posts are somewhat psychotic, monotonous cries for help so I want to try something different.

Question in the title, think about yourself, your current problems and who or what is responsible for where you are in your life currently and how you feel about it and then answer it.

I will go first.

In the spectrum between victim and perpetrator I think I am closer to being a perpetrator. My childhood was better than my parent's childhoods. I got punished when I was young but that is very common place where I come from and I think I deserved it whenever it happened. I was cared for and sent to proper schools throughout my teenage years. I worked hard too and I achieved well in my final year of school which gave me the opportunity to study in a good university. But... I wouldn't be posting here if it weren't for something bad happening.

I failed in college when covid hit. I had no reason to fail, everyone I knew around me was able to succeed even during covid but I did not. I tried to think of reasons as to why I failed but it seems that the only good reason was me being weak and acting depressed and getting busy with useless shit. I don't know about the legitimacy of depression, my father went through absolutely horrible shit when he was my age but he was able to succeed in life given his circumstances, he also had to bury one of his younger siblings after they had died (my dad was still a kid) but he was able to cope with all of it like it was nothing. But me, I did not go through those difficult trials, yet here I am, a failure. So I am a transgressor, I deserve my failure and killing myself is me escaping what I essentially caused. I think killing myself is both an escape and a punishment that I deserve. Where do you stand?

I've thought my childhood was great because I compared it to my parents' childhoods. Their upbringing was horrible, but it doesn't mean mine was great because I didn't suffer in the same ways they did. There is such a thing as trans generational trauma. Any trauma your parents suffered through, likely had an effect on their ability to meet your emotional needs during the most important time of your life. I had opportunities which my parents never had as children. However, if parents don't learn anything about feeling safe/secure as kids, they can't teach their own kids to feel secure.