Venting

[LittleBabyNothing]

Felt this episode coming, knew i should reach out but didn't. i've got my ticket and am ready for peace...

i reached out yesterday to a friend, just chatting... long story short... Adult Mental Team (uk) are discussing me this am and want me to be admitted voluntary...

i've very mixed thoughts, will go voluntary if stops being sectioned but think/hope i can talk them round to being outpatient. We'll see...

No one knows of my plan or means; i need to split and better hide my SN. No one knows i have it, i live alone but worry if in my really unstable episodes i'll say too much (any tips for best containers? jars, plastic, baggy inside a jar, i didn't want to open it till needed, in UK so won't be able to source more if this spoils).

So i've an anxious wait this morning to see if i get to retain any autonmy in my life and treatment. Will keep busy with housework, hope i stay stable for when i talk to them.

Thanks for listening, Stay Beautiful x

 

[NodusTollens]

Oh, that so frustrating. It's so hard to reach out to friends/fam when this is the result. I'm sorry that happened to you. HUGS.

Hiding the SN might help give you piece of mind, it helped me. :)

I hope keeping busy helps with your anxious feelings. Best of luck.

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

... i'm not totally against treatment. Just don't believe anything left to help me. i am still sure i am ready to end my life soon. But something in me is still trying, will see what today brings.... i've only my sense of reality and capacity for choice left, neither of them fit with society though... so i've little to lose i guess...

 

[NodusTollens]

I hear you, treatment can feel tedious & is often triggering. To be honest, it's okay to feel undecided/unsure about CTB, it goes against our natural instincts. If you don't mind sharing, what kinds of treatment have you tried?

Good luck with your day, I hope it helps bring some clarity.

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

Ask away. I have bpd and cptsd. Counselling and talking therapy since 12, meds of all trials and error since 14, cbtx2 structured at 14&19yrs old, more meds and talking therapies, groups and 1-1, psychotherapy for trauma. Age 27, Complex Needs service for 4 yrs, personality disorder specific treatment combining mentalisation, dbt, emtional skills and tolerance, theraputic community, covered all theories pac, ta, cat cycle etc... i really don't think there is anything left to try? If i can even find the desire, then strength to engage...

 

[NodusTollens]

Wow, I'm sorry that you've tried all these things to see little results. It's no wonder why things are feeling hopeless. That is incredibly disheartening. :(

We actually share those diagnoses, BPD & CPTSD, though you were diagnosed much sooner than I was BPD dx'd at 26 & CPTSD at 27. I'm 30 now.

I wish I could change thing for you for the better, it sounds like you could use a much deserved break. <3

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

i'm at home still! Exhausted but successful day.

 

[NodusTollens]

That's good! It's to hear that things are going well today. I try to take the little victories where I can- helps me a bit.

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

That's good! It's to hear that things are going well today. I try to take the little victories where I can- helps me a bit.

i'm all for celebrating the little wins