Venting

[Young.Werther]

More and more I get the sense that there's not a match between me and this world. Like I wasn't made for it or it wasn't made for me. It's like trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with the world or with me (actually maybe scratch that second part) but in any case there isn't a match. I don't know why the world insists that I stay here anyways. It just won't let go. I don't know that I'm helping anyone by staying and I think I may have hurt people (nothing violent — I could never do that).

Besides there's so much pain in the world. It seems like some of this is there by design. I think there is some creator entity but couldn't tell you anything about that entity. I mean maybe it looks like the abrahamic God or something, but my pet theory is that it looks something more like the Greek pantheon. That is, there isn't one single entity but a committee or something with the entities on that committee collectively being the creator entity. The world being designed by committee might explain a lot. I mean some things feel baked in: we fight wars over scarce resources but why did resources have to be scarce? Why can't we just make food out of thin air? Why make human psychology what it is with all its jealousy and hatred and other shortcomings?

I'm so tired, and this is all over the place. Sorry